How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

obsdj said:
I might be homeless next month, not for the first time, but I'm older now and my body is not up to the task. My landlord has sold the home I've been renting a room in, and rents are outrageously high right now, and I have some financial black marks that make me less desirable as a tenant, so this is going to be rough going. Right at the beginning of summer, too. Sigh.
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On the bright side it means camping outdoors will be viable?
 
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@The Feline Solution

I had the misfortune of running into news on my ex/bestie today and your post came at an opportune time to keep me grounded. I don’t think she ever realized how treating me with loving proclamations versus shittier actions after a while poisoned my psyche TO the pessimism she had a point on, and while many would absolutely call ME out for the oneitis (great term, btw) conversely if we magically laid out our issues for the farms I think a lot would call her out for leaving me…. hanging after being so loyal so long? And her callousness ignoring I was doing exactly what she demanded (work something temporary as I find a better career, keep busy a la with the shelter) or making up those weird lies and accusations upon me and thus herself being a major reason for the pessimism she hated? So many little things adding up so clearly even others would see it and the big picture if they were there.

She has very, very recently started a family now. I have to move on too since she clearly and definitively has. What you said on no contact ever again rings true, even if I would always be up for a reconciliation somehow. I suppose I can only hope to live well myself now, and I don’t even want it for revenge on her per the old quote, just to be happy myself.
 
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obsdj said:
I'm on disability nowadays.
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And they don't pay your rent? Do you get a flat amount of money each month and have to pay everything from it? Not gonna lie, i am not envying your situation, going homeless in these times is especially rough, no one has a penny to spare, social servives (at least here) are overloaded etc. Sorry for the doom and gloom.
 
The Feline Solution said:
Fuck that, if this didn't happen on the back of one of your friends or close ones you gonna enjoy that money, i tell you hwat. Nice bit of windfall.
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Yeah I've been feeling like a retard for playing for what usually amounts to slightly over minimum wage, even if it's just a hobby.
 
Betonhaus said:
On the bright side it means camping outdoors will be viable?
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I have a perfectly good car to sleep in. Far safer and more comfortable than trying to get a spot in a shelter. But I'm in a region with murderously hot summers, so it's gonna be rough no matter what if I don't figure something out.

The Feline Solution said:
And they don't pay your rent? Do you get a flat amount of money each month and have to pay everything from it? Not gonna lie, i am not envying your situation, going homeless in these times is especially rough, no one has a penny to spare, social servives (at least here) are overloaded etc. Sorry for the doom and gloom.
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It's complicated, but yes I get X amount each month and have to pay my bills with it. Actual, practical resources to assist or mitigate for those in my shoes are few, nonexistent, or reserved for certain specific demographics like single moms with babies, veterans, drug addicts, etc. Section 8 waitlists near me are all closed. All the "low-income housing" projects are full and those waitlists are also closed. My best bet would be to find a private homeowner willing to cut me a break (I'm actually a great tenant, I just have a troubled past and low funds), but the world is a hard place right now and people are trepidatious.
 
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Up and down. Eurovision semi-finals 1 is on and the poz is strong tonight.

"OMG SO MUCH QUEER REPRESENTATION. NON-BINARY SINGERS!! TWO WOMEN SINGERS ON STAGE!"

*Sigh...

They really are lax on the rules when it comes to "no politics", huh? Anyway musically, a lot is meh with a few bangers in there. Last year was rigged so Sweden could have their ABBA autofellatio party and I'll die on that hill.

But there's a palpable tension looming over this whole thing thanks to Israel and a handful of the singers being pro-Palestine. Second semi-final is gonna be...eventful. It leaves me excited as it leaves me worried.

I want something to go horribly wrong. It's basically waiting to happen.

In other news, I finally have a job interview next week and I'm very nervous. I am similarly terrified because that same week, the day before actually, it's my first time in group therapy and while I have been assured that there's no sociopaths or narcs, who will no doubt seek me out as the perfect victim, there will be a bunch of BPDs and I've only had negative experiences with those.

So uh...fun.
 
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AnOminous said:
Yeah I've been feeling like a retard for playing for what usually amounts to slightly over minimum wage, even if it's just a hobby.
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You going down the Bossman Jack route? :story:
DenseDeerFather said:
Up and down. Eurovision semi-finals 1 is on and the poz is strong tonight.

"OMG SO MUCH QUEER REPRESENTATION. NON-BINARY SINGERS!! TWO WOMEN SINGERS ON STAGE!"

*Sigh...

They really are lax on the rules when it comes to "no politics", huh? Anyway musically, a lot is meh with a few bangers in there. Last year was rigged so Sweden could have their ABBA autofellatio party and I'll die on that hill.

But there's a palpable tension looming over this whole thing thanks to Israel and a handful of the singers being pro-Palestine. Second semi-final is gonna be...eventful. It leaves me excited as it leaves me worried.

I want something to go horribly wrong. It's basically waiting to happen.

In other news, I finally have a job interview next week and I'm very nervous. I am similarly terrified because that same week, the day before actually, it's my first time in group therapy and while I have been assured that there's no sociopaths or narcs, who will no doubt seek me out as the perfect victim, there will be a bunch of BPDs and I've only had negative experiences with those.

So uh...fun.
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Group therapy, while i never was a fan of it, wether out- or inpatient, isn't that bad. If they do some gay shit you are uncomfortable with just say "I am not doing this", personell usually are okay with this and will ask afterwards in one-on-one what your problem with it was and what made you uncomfortable. And yeah, don't pal around with the crazies, don't meet up outside of the clinic, never feed stray dogs essentially. It is not worth it. Definitely be firm in this, especially if you say yourself they could see you as the perfect victim.
I always shut that shit right down, i was there for my own things and i don't need some miserable, lonely crazy persons dragging me down, not to mention i wasn't as lonely and friendless as the people there and always had a (relatively) functioning social circle around me even though i chose to live like a hermit early on in life. I hope it works out for you.
Xenomorph said:
Autoimmune disease and cancer! Winning combo.
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I am sorry to hear that, i hope you are holding up.
 
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The Feline Solution said:
Group therapy, while i never was a fan of it, wether out- or inpatient, isn't that bad. If they do some gay shit you are uncomfortable with just say "I am not doing this", personell usually are okay with this and will ask afterwards in one-on-one what your problem with it was and what made you uncomfortable.
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It's currently just talking; one loon shares his or her experience with something recent and another chimes in and we talk it out and go home without feeling like shit.

I have only attended the introduction meeting with the personnel in charge and they made a huge point of how important it is that you put a lid on some heavy feelings and don't try to help others if someone says they are suicidal. The personnel will handle that.

I am a little skeptical but I¨m also cynical. It's bit of a double-edged sword because on one hand, it ain't my problem and I'm glad that I am expected to let the pros handle it.

On the other, I worry about the effectiveness.
The Feline Solution said:
And yeah, don't pal around with the crazies, don't meet up outside of the clinic, never feed stray dogs essentially. It is not worth it. Definitely be firm in this, especially if you say yourself they could see you as the perfect victim.
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Interesting you say that. While it's not an official rule. it's generally discouraged to form friendships outside the clinic. They even put it as a guideline in the introduction pamphlet and explain why forming friendships can be destructive.

Not because of potential victimhood but because it can have a negative impact on the group dynamic, it can border on a breach of confidentiality. In generally there's bit of an NDA where we can discuss others in general terms in our private lives but keep it vague enough so they cannot be identified.

I am extremely thankful for that. I don't expect others to follow it to a T but I'm glad it's there. I got a little peeved when they suggested that "if someone upsets you, you can practice talking to them about it."
 
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obsdj said:
I have a perfectly good car to sleep in.
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I was about to ask. If you have a car, you have a roof, doors that lock, a gas heater/generator, maybe even AC. It can get a lot worse than that. Add a gym membership and it's downright tolerable.

obsdj said:
But I'm in a region with murderously hot summers, so it's gonna be rough no matter what if I don't figure something out.
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Cars move. Go north.

Though I'm sure you know all this. Best of luck buddy.
 
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