I'm trying to put on weight, but when I eat more than usual, it gives me such a "headrush" feeling I have to go lay down. I still get the majority of my calories from liquid supplements and I think it just hits too fast and does weird things to my blood sugar.
People tell me to drink one slowly over an hour. But I really don't like sipping at that stuff because it just coats your mouth and tongue and can't be good for your teeth.... They're nasty.... No matter what brand, I get sick of them after a few weeks.
I think I'm at the verge of some sort of eating disorder, not in the body image/self esteem way, but because after my injury I'm so fed up with it all I don't know how to deal and would rather not eat. I find myself thinking, "I hate eating! I hate having to live like this!" Especially because the foods I can eat (and afford), I'm so sick of. From working as a cook I got really good at tasting and spitting it out because I couldn't swallow- but this is bizarrely addictive. You feel like you've eaten and it sates me, but I didn't actually eat very much food.
It's frustrating because I can't even find any information on this stuff that doesn't center on anxious anorexic women. I'm a normal working young man with a paralyzed throat lol. For old people and really underweight people the answer is usually ice cream and liquid sweets, but I'm in a different realm than that.
Insurance won't cover any more physical therapy and the dietiatian's advice always boils down to "Here's a list of extremely expensive nutrition supplements", it's like they're paid by commission. Or they want me to commit war crimes with a blender.
People also do really underestimate how not being able to eat affects you socially. I know he was trying to be considerate, but my friend took our mutual friends but not me out to dinner, because "I know you don't really eat, I didn't want to embarass you." Youch. I explained that I usually still go out and he apologized and it's all good- but youch.
It's just getting me all strung out. I'm not sure if the answer is more control and more planning, OR if I should try going all-out and just stuff myself on high calorie things that I do like and can eat. No one in my life is very good to talk to about this stuff, so I come here like it's a confessional, knowing that real people might read it and my words posted to the interwebs are real and enduring.
Keep your heads up kiwifrens.
