How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

perimenopause
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Shitted Scaredless said:
It's once again time for: Shitted has mystery sickness!!! Today it's: muscle pain and dizziness upon sitting or standing! Nausea! Painful legs! Hot and cold flashes! Almost passing out a few times! Painful skin! Am I dying? Tune in next time to find out!!

Ngl its likely a touch of the flu. But I feel like being dramatic.
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I am having the hardest time explaining to my old person that it does not matter that they "don't care" about the specifics of their wheelchair, but rather I care about the ergonomics of the wheelchair because I am freaking losing it from having to hunch over all day long while pushing it.
 
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cornholierthanthou said:
In a good or bad way?
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Very bad.

Not A Bunny said:
As for me: I feel like I'm being a turbo-Karen with customer service these days. I know it's post-COVID fallout indirectly as everything is suffering (as if some of us weren't screaming it from the rooftops back then), but if you have a supply chain issue or a personnel issue, at the very least offer me something to make up for what I paid for and am not getting or am getting way later than I expected. I get the feeling that every rep I speak to these days has a manager standing over their shoulder saying, "just let her vent, there's nothing she can do to us anyway".
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I can't blame you; you don't want to be rude, but you have something that needs to be done, and it's their job to do it. It's a difficult line to walk.
 
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In a weird way, I'm glad my social circle has shrunk a lot every since college. While I just ignore most people and either go to church or the lab to get work done, the one person I can call my friend is such a good person, he actively brightens my day whenever I meet him. Plus, you don't have to put much of a facade about anything really. You can tell people to fuck off if you want them to fuck off. Not like it matters nor was there any potential to create a deep connection there. I'm certain all the best relationships occur initially not because of something we do, but because of chance and most people are cursed in that regard. The upkeep is work, but the initial meeting is just random chance.
 
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I have been unemployed for +two weeks and I can feel the mask of sanity slipping. I have been employed continuously for the last 3.5 years, and after listening to podcast and playing wow and nothing else for a few days I can feel my brain frying. I finally understand Jewrsh's wisdom when he said that government shouldnt fund people to do nothing and just be a nuisance to everyone. If you can just smoke weed, goon and do nothing all day every day, you're broken somehow.

Luckily I managed to arrange an interview for myself in 5 days. Wish me luck.
 
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glue eater said:
I have been employed continuously for the last 3.5 years, and after listening to podcast and playing wow and nothing else for a few days I can feel my brain frying.
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I've been there, friend. It sucks. I don't know how the chronically unemployed stay alive.

Hang in there. I know it's rough, but I'm sure you'll find something.
 
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i need help but i will refuse it
time to shut up forever
be work cattle till sickness stops me from it
everything is alien to me
i dont feel i belong anywhere
country, family, nothing binding
it seems to be in my nature to destroy all
im bad

id gladly give my lifetime to someone making better use of it

the answer was always
yes, some humans are unloveable, not fit for society, not fit for life

no matter what i tried to do better with the less energy i had still left. it amounts to no fix for any problem, waste, waste of oxygen for those with a mission

i think im finally run down
 
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glue eater said:
I have been unemployed for +two weeks and I can feel the mask of sanity slipping. I have been employed continuously for the last 3.5 years, and after listening to podcast and playing wow and nothing else for a few days I can feel my brain frying. I finally understand Jewrsh's wisdom when he said that government shouldnt fund people to do nothing and just be a nuisance to everyone. If you can just smoke weed, goon and do nothing all day every day, you're broken somehow.

Luckily I managed to arrange an interview for myself in 5 days. Wish me luck.
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Being unemployed sucks. When employed getting some days off is often a dream, but when unemployed it's hard to enjoy the time without work bc it's an anxious time, with the future and maybe money being a big question mark. But I'd say try to spend the next 3 days doing stuff you don't usually do, getting outside, going exploring, cleaning/organizing your space. It might not lift any angst, but it's better than just podcasts and wow. Then spend the 4th day prepping for your interview, go to bed early, plan your clothes, have everything ready so interview day is stress-free.


DeutscheKatze said:
i need help but i will refuse it
time to shut up forever
be work cattle till sickness stops me from it
everything is alien to me
i dont feel i belong anywhere
country, family, nothing binding
it seems to be in my nature to destroy all
im bad

id gladly give my lifetime to someone making better use of it

the answer was always
yes, some humans are unloveable, not fit for society, not fit for life

no matter what i tried to do better with the less energy i had still left. it amounts to no fix for any problem, waste, waste of oxygen for those with a mission

i think im finally run down
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You're really hurting lately. But if you need help, you need to ask for it and take it. I looked at your posts and it sounds like you've been making some good changes. Have you stopped to take satisfaction in those efforts? Whether they are seamless or perfect or not, and whether or not they changed other things in life, you do owe yourself, and deserve, a kind word for what you have done. There are always things left undone, but what you have done deserves credit, too.
 
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I took a moment for some self-reflection and while I understand myself a bit more it's not comforting because I don't think my coping mechanisms over the decades have held up so well.
I've gone through multiple nightmare scenarios in life and just push on with psychological scar tissue leaving me more and more nervous and autistic in social interactions, feels as though I'm half giving up on it all and half bracing myself to deal with the next calamity that I have no blame for.
Hobbies come and go, and part of me is guilty for sinking time and money into them which puts a damper on enjoyment.

I'm tired.
 
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Finished my first day of work, it's not the job I wanted but it is the job I need. Seems that the boss is a bit of a hardass when it comes to work and has strict deadlines - to the point where you're expected to work late to complete parts on time. Apparently most of the company quit recently and the new hires didn't stay long, so they're desperate for workers. The job leader has been working with the company for only three months, and he's made it clear that he expects that I'll need time to get up to speed.

So the job will suck, but it pays well, and sounds like I have job security for the foreseeable future (unless the company goes under)
 
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Gaygent Smith said:
Haven't posted here in awhile so I might as well.

I have been taking care of mr. gaygent due to him having a bulging disk in his spine siting right on a nerve, his appointment is monday and I so hope it isn't anything bad, I feel so bad for him due to the pain he's in.
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I hope they're able to find a treatment that works for him. Back pain is the most miserable shit on the planet. The only thing I've had so far that's really worked was a nerve ablation. I was down for about 3 days after but it's been a massive improvement.
 
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We pulled out of the disaster spiral that was marriage-counselling-for-something-that's-not-a-marriage issue, and arranged a full afternoon session with us, my own therapist, and my mother in law.

It was fucking horrendous and I don't think I could ever do that again, but all is now out in the open and we have worked through husband's Big Feelings about it all. He wasn't actually mad at me, he was very upset and mad at other people. My mother in law is one of God's own angels.

So everything is going to be fine. Everything is fine. All cupboards now empty of skeletons, etcetera.

No one in my family of origin is going to cooperate with the police. I don't think they've even reported what happened. I am selfishly really glad because that means I don't have to engage with that process. I still think this is the wrong decision, at the end of a chain of terrible decisions. But I don't have to deal with them again.

I feel absolutely raw and helpless, and I fucking hate, hate, hate that. I feel like a child again.

My parents in law have purchased husband and I a long weekend in Rome "because it's been a tough year". God bless them, I don't know what I would do without them. They are very confident they can look after all the kids. We have decided not to look that particular gift horse in the mouth. I am looking forward to it. We haven't been away on our own for years, for obvious reasons.

As my therapist said: 'The worst has finally happened. Everyone you love is still with you. Everything that's important to you is safe. Your world hasn't ended. You can move on now.'

I just have to.... believe her?
 
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Had a work stoppage for something completely out of our control. Not in trouble or anything like that, just irritates me that I did all the work to get everything set up only to be stopped by happenstance, and I can't even vent about the shit that put us at a stop. I need to get out of the house this weekend. Starting to get easily annoyed by everything and I don't want to be like that.
 
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