How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[MarkieMark]

Hating other minorities and it's feeling funny

 

[Neighborhood Curmudgeon]

If tomorrow never comes, does that mean yesterday never was?

What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?

There is no past, there is no future. There is only an endless present in which the party is always right

Someday the party won't want an endless present either. We'll just get an endless delusion instead.

 

[PyrrhicRustle]

Holding my son while he smiles his toothless little grin in his sleep in my nice warm house while the rain patters on the roof and the thunder rolls off the hills. It’s comfy bros.

 

[Derrick]

Holding my son while he smiles his toothless little grin in his sleep in my nice warm house while the rain patters on the roof and the thunder rolls off the hills. It’s comfy bros.

That must be nice. My wife is due in the latter half of the year with our first and I can't wait to be a father too. I way lying in bed last night, my wife sleeping a few inches away, thinking to myself how much I had to be thankful for: good wife, baby on the way, own my home (well in about twenty more years I will), work from home. It really gave me pause to stop and think about how lucky I was and how I shouldn't take things for granted.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Went from a job where I had 4 days off a month to a job where I have more days off than days at work and will get paid accordingly. Yeah-yeah, overgeneralization, I am jumping to conclusions, but it feels like my life will never be in order. Part of me just wants to give up. Take care, people.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

This night I cut contact with my ex, and go through separate ways. I just deleted all of our messages, seven years of relationship deleted in an instant. Probably won't talk to her again.

I thought that this was gonna be easy, it wasn't. I never felt more alone in my entire life like this night. I stared at the night for hours at this point.

Life goes on, I will love her forever, but I will have to let her go for the best of us.

I'm not going to recover from what happened tonight for a long time. I will keep running to forget about everything.

I'll say it here because I didn't have the guts to tell you in person tonight, but I love you, M, I'll love you forever and I hope you live a good life and find happiness elsewhere.





In a more happier note, I got a job in a local radio station. It's a small radio station but with a lot of ambition, I will probably talk in this radio too in the sports section, if they don't get someone better. First steps as a radio host? Maybe, I'll try my best to make that radio the best in the city.

 

[dick brain]

PTSD still sucks.

My life has been and continues to be so thoroughly fucked that I have a hard time believing it's reparable or worth continuing. I mostly just want to die -- not in a dramatic mopey sense, more like a "this isn't going anywhere and I'm ready to be done" sense. But I want to not want to die, mostly because I know it will really upset some people I care about. But the people I care about either also want to die, and thus we can't really help each other, or seem incapable of grasping how completely foreign my experience has been to theirs and how many basic amenities they have that I was never afforded, and honestly I'm so tired of even trying to explain it to people. And you can't tell a mental health professional that you want to die because they're mandated to have you involuntarily detained and committed to a psychiatric institution, and the last time that happened to me it destroyed my ability to trust anybody for like a decade. So basically I want to kill myself and I want to not want to kill myself but I can't talk to anybody about wanting to kill myself or they'll send me to a place that'll make me wish I had killed myself, so I just have to sit here and pretend I don't want to kill myself, and try to want to do anything at all.

I used to drink about it but that didn't work out great. I'm really not sure what to do about it now besides giving up and applying for disability and being a hiki neet gymcel, or taking retard pills and hoping to reverse Flowers For Algernon/Harrison Bergeron myself into a normie.

 

[eatler]

I used to drink about it but that didn't work out great. I'm really not sure what to do about it now besides giving up and applying for disability and being a hiki neet gymcel, or taking retard pills and hoping to reverse Flowers For Algernon/Harrison Bergeron myself into a normie.

Have you tried getting another hobby that isn’t the gym. Humans need to problem solve so that’s why they get into things like art or machinery, maybe if you give yourself a good challenge it may get your mind off of things?

 

[dick brain]

Have you tried getting another hobby that isn’t the gym. Humans need to problem solve so that’s why they get into things like art or machinery, maybe if you give yourself a good challenge it may get your mind off of things?

Yeah. I've done a lot in my life to be honest, developed a lot of skills. They just don't feel appealing anymore. I tried setting up the equipment for a few of them so I have less of a barrier to keep me from engaging but I just don't have the interest, and when I try to write out goals and interests to give myself some direction it's such a vague and sparse list that it feels like the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

I think it'll probably get better as I keep working at PTSD stuff, I probably just needed to express this somewhere since I can't tell anyone in real life.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Holding my son while he smiles his toothless little grin in his sleep in my nice warm house while the rain patters on the roof and the thunder rolls off the hills. It’s comfy bros.

That must be nice. My wife is due in the latter half of the year with our first and I can't wait to be a father too. I way lying in bed last night, my wife sleeping a few inches away, thinking to myself how much I had to be thankful for: good wife, baby on the way, own my home (well in about twenty more years I will), work from home. It really gave me pause to stop and think about how lucky I was and how I shouldn't take things for granted.

So wonderful to hear these kinds of sentiments. It's normal, and as it should be, but having gone through it with a husband/father who did not relish his time with our babies or daydream about it ahead of time, I can tell you that as a mother/wife, I'd have given anything to have, and to know I had, someone who felt this way. Don't let that sense of wonder and appreciation and excitement fade.

 

[56 others]

Yeah. I've done a lot in my life to be honest, developed a lot of skills. They just don't feel appealing anymore. I tried setting up the equipment for a few of them so I have less of a barrier to keep me from engaging but I just don't have the interest, and when I try to write out goals and interests to give myself some direction it's such a vague and sparse list that it feels like the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

I think it'll probably get better as I keep working at PTSD stuff, I probably just needed to express this somewhere since I can't tell anyone in real life.

this will sound retarded (it is) but have you considered a motorcycle? Everytime I start to feel bad I force (keyword force) myself to ride it and it makes me feel better almost all of the time. Improving your riding and slowly becoming one with the machine feels amazing. It's also a practical hobby (you can ride it to work).

 

[eatler]

this will sound retarded (it is) but have you considered a motorcycle? Everytime I start to feel bad I force (keyword force) myself to ride it and it makes me feel better almost all of the time. Improving your riding and slowly becoming one with the machine feels amazing. It's also a practical hobby (you can ride it to work).

NGL I wish I had the storage and cash for a motorcycle, that sounds like so much fun.

 

[PyrrhicRustle]

So wonderful to hear these kinds of sentiments. It's normal, and as it should be, but having gone through it with a husband/father who did not relish his time with our babies or daydream about it ahead of time, I can tell you that as a mother/wife, I'd have given anything to have, and to know I had, someone who felt this way. Don't let that sense of wonder and appreciation and excitement fade.

Ive got an older one too, and I love spending time doing actual activities with her and teaching her, but man do the antics of older kids really make you appreciate the relative simple quiet moments with your baby.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

Yeah. I've done a lot in my life to be honest, developed a lot of skills. They just don't feel appealing anymore. I tried setting up the equipment for a few of them so I have less of a barrier to keep me from engaging but I just don't have the interest, and when I try to write out goals and interests to give myself some direction it's such a vague and sparse list that it feels like the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

I feel that. I've had to force myself to start a project, but when it's finished I'm back at square one like it never happened.
Hobbies and pets are supposed to help with PTSD but it's still rough as fuck.

 

[Derrick]

So wonderful to hear these kinds of sentiments. It's normal, and as it should be, but having gone through it with a husband/father who did not relish his time with our babies or daydream about it ahead of time, I can tell you that as a mother/wife, I'd have given anything to have, and to know I had, someone who felt this way. Don't let that sense of wonder and appreciation and excitement fade.

Thank you, while I'm excited now I have no doubt that my outlook will change slightly once I get to the diaper changing/3 AM crying stage. At first I was pretty hesitant about having a baby but since she became pregnant I've definitely come around to supporting the decision and idea. For example I have been thinking about the kind of relationship I want to model for the child so, over the past few weeks, I'd been trying to be more visibly romantic/complementary to my wife in order to show what a healthy relation should look like and that has definitely put me in a pretty positive mood about the whole thing and got me more excited for the child.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

I'm relieved beyond measure.

I installed an oil catch can on my car today to hopefully avoid the intake valve build-up that plagues direct injection engines. I got done, took it out for a test drive and almost immediately got a "TRANSMISSION FAULT SERVICE NOW" warning on my dash. This transmission is known for having issues, but I hadn't noticed any problems with shifting or slipping and I've drained and filled the tranny twice since I got it six months ago trying to get the fluid as fresh and particle-free as possible.

After downloading a Ford-specific program to pull specialized codes and getting a code that didn't seem related at all, I found a single Youtube video where a guy said "I haven't seen this information online anywhere about this weird issue, so I'm going to make a video". Turns out my potentially catastrophic transmission failure was nothing but a worn out clip on the electrical connector for a coolant bypass solenoid valve and it was intermittently losing its connection. It's right up at the top of the engine bay and it'll take five minutes to nigger-rig a fix tomorrow.

Thank God.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Thank you, while I'm excited now I have no doubt that my outlook will change slightly once I get to the diaper changing/3 AM crying stage. At first I was pretty hesitant about having a baby but since she became pregnant I've definitely come around to supporting the decision and idea. For example I have been thinking about the kind of relationship I want to model for the child so, over the past few weeks, I'd been trying to be more visibly romantic/complementary to my wife in order to show what a healthy relation should look like and that has definitely put me in a pretty positive mood about the whole thing and got me more excited for the child.

Again, wonderful. Whatever the circumstances, it is only made better by parents who love a child, prioritize a child, and are thoughtful & active about both what a life they give a child and how to make a harmonious home.

3 am feedings and the like are a bit of a trial, but if everyone keeps in mind the goal and to be kind, extra-helpful, and loving, and you both take care of yourselves physically and mentally, it will be as easy as it can be.

I wish you a peaceful and loving rest of the pregnancy, infancy and beyond. And congratulations, papa!

 

[Foxymophandlemama]

Finished the biggest project of my career so far... 3 months in the making. My manager even commented how my mood shifted when he told me it got approved. Not even talking about some really hard stuff in my therapy session could kill my good mood. I am so happy.

 

[anustart76]

I've been catching up with old colleagues/"work friends" lately, partly hoping to see if they can help me get into a new job somewhere. So far, nothing but a few "maybe in a couple months" at best. It's nice to catch up with people, but the whole "networking" thing just feels like a waste of time.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I had to excuse myself from people who were talking about things I don't agree with. If I opened my mouth they would have really not liked what I had to say. I hate that this happens more and more as I get older, but I sincerely don't think I'm in the wrong in any way shape or form. I'm not up for debating, but I'm also not up to taking a "neutral" stance on certain things or pretending that I agree. I have beliefs so I have to put my foot down or I'd go against my beliefs.

I don't want to cut these people out of my life just for a few beliefs, because I don't think most of these people are "true believers", I think they just mindlessly repeat what the political tiktokers in their feed say. If their news people said other things, they'd be saying other things too. And sometimes it's just immature edginess. So instead of starting political fights and losing friends, I just go the fuck home. But I know it turns into "bliblbl is so sensitive."

They don't even consider it politics, is the thing. They consider it "activism" and so not wanting to participate in the activism is inherently offensive.

Spoiler: more on the same: warning, politics LOL

I just can't find anyone in this area who isn't super fucking liberal, and it's gotten to the point where anyone I really talk to about this just straight up says "You need to move, it won't get better." Why do I need to leave my hometown because of the popularity of child-friendly drag shows in my area?

Can you IMAGINE a liberal college counselor telling a Muslim "You should find a better city because this place won't cater to your beliefs."? Yet that's what the college counselor told me when I told him I had tried the college's church group but wasn't compatible with it since they march in the pride parades and flew rainbow flags to the sides of the cross. "Have you considered that you'd be more successful if you could learn to appreciate diversity?" still rings in my ears. I dropped out of that college.

I am NOT THAT CONSERVATIVE. And I DON'T like Trump. And I only found religion as an adult, and my entire family is violently, Richards Dawkins-style atheist: I literally didn't step foot in a church until I was an adult going to tell a pastor I wanted to be baptized. I think I have incredibly lukewarm, moderate beliefs. But apparently in the current year, here in crazy town, if you don't think fetishitic big-titty fursuiters should be holding babies while drag queens walk up and down the square smoking weed vapes, you MUST be a MAGA-loving, racist, bigoted person who is piping Fox News and megachurch cult pastors into your brain 24/7.

I am a simple man: I want to go to the plant shop, the card shop, the grocery store, and to work. The plant shop is covered in pride flags. The card shop donates a ton of money to the pride parade and hosts drag events. The grocery store donates even more to the pride events and puts pride flags on the uniforms. Every workplace feels full of mandatory social justice trainings. Once we HAD to move a male client from the men's dorm into the women's dorm because one day he literally just decided he was a woman, without even shaving his full beard. Then he immediately started fucking his (clearly abused/traumatized) girlfriend in the dorms, in front of all the other women, most of which had been abused by men. There was no recourse for this and a bunch of situations like that culminated in me quitting and finding another job. People still kinda implied "it's your fault for not being with the times."

Do I really have to go live like the Amish in the woods or some shit? Do I really need to move to a small town in a red state? Has the world really gotten that bad?