How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I just can't find anyone in this area who isn't super fucking liberal, and it's gotten to the point where anyone I really talk to about this just straight up says "You need to move, it won't get better." Why do I need to leave my hometown because of the popularity of child-friendly drag shows in my area?
You live in a bug hive. Whether or not it was not once a bug hive does not change the fact that it is now infested with bugs. Either get used to the bugs or leave.
 
I just can't find anyone in this area who isn't super fucking liberal, and it's gotten to the point where anyone I really talk to about this just straight up says "You need to move, it won't get better." Why do I need to leave my hometown because of the popularity of child-friendly drag shows in my area?

Can you IMAGINE a liberal college counselor telling a Muslim "You should find a better city because this place won't cater to your beliefs."? Yet that's what the college counselor told me when I told him I had tried the college's church group but wasn't compatible with it since they march in the pride parades and flew rainbow flags to the sides of the cross. "Have you considered that you'd be more successful if you could learn to appreciate diversity?" still rings in my ears. I dropped out of that college.

I am NOT THAT CONSERVATIVE. And I DON'T like Trump. And I only found religion as an adult, and my entire family is violently, Richards Dawkins-style atheist: I literally didn't step foot in a church until I was an adult going to tell a pastor I wanted to be baptized. I think I have incredibly lukewarm, moderate beliefs. But apparently in the current year, here in crazy town, if you don't think fetishitic big-titty fursuiters should be holding babies while drag queens walk up and down the square smoking weed vapes, you MUST be a MAGA-loving, racist, bigoted person who is piping Fox News and megachurch cult pastors into your brain 24/7.

I am a simple man: I want to go to the plant shop, the card shop, the grocery store, and to work. The plant shop is covered in pride flags. The card shop donates a ton of money to the pride parade and hosts drag events. The grocery store donates even more to the pride events and puts pride flags on the uniforms. Every workplace feels full of mandatory social justice trainings. Once we HAD to move a male client from the men's dorm into the women's dorm because one day he literally just decided he was a woman, without even shaving his full beard. Then he immediately started fucking his (clearly abused/traumatized) girlfriend in the dorms, in front of all the other women, most of which had been abused by men. There was no recourse for this and a bunch of situations like that culminated in me quitting and finding another job. People still kinda implied "it's your fault for not being with the times."

Do I really have to go live like the Amish in the woods or some shit? Do I really need to move to a small town in a red state? Has the world really gotten that bad?
It's really not my place to offer unsolicited advice about your life, and I apologize if I'm out of line for doing so, but have you been looking for other like minded people? There out there, even in deep blue areas. Have you thought about checking out a church? They may have a young adult/men's/women's/senior citizen's/whatever demographic group your in Bible Group where you can meet like minded peers. Just make sure to check the church's website and affiliation to make sure the church isn't progressive.

Alternatively you can consider joining us over at the Christian Theology thread: https://kiwifarms.st/threads/christian-theology-thread-for-christians.161805/
 
I feel quite upset that coming-of-age has meant so much to the people in my life, I expected as much from the state (buy cigs, alcohol etc..) but I've come to realize the people in my life are now treating me with the respect I believed I deserved when I was even a few short days before becoming a legal adult. I am tired of being told that all of life is ahead of me because I cannot shake the feeling that the older people who say such things are conveniently getting themselves off the hook for changing into anything else other than a miserable failure. I do not think I know more about anything than the people older than me, but I am scared of how much cope-and-seethe I have seen in the adults in my life to rationalize away why they wasted their lives the "right way". I want them to be wrong but I have no examples of someone my parents age that aren't bitter drones.
 
I feel quite upset that coming-of-age has meant so much to the people in my life, I expected as much from the state (buy cigs, alcohol etc..) but I've come to realize the people in my life are now treating me with the respect I believed I deserved when I was even a few short days before becoming a legal adult. I am tired of being told that all of life is ahead of me because I cannot shake the feeling that the older people who say such things are conveniently getting themselves off the hook for changing into anything else other than a miserable failure. I do not think I know more about anything than the people older than me, but I am scared of how much cope-and-seethe I have seen in the adults in my life to rationalize away why they wasted their lives the "right way". I want them to be wrong but I have no examples of someone my parents age that aren't bitter drones.
Nobody knows what they're doing and lots of advice is just old people trying to live vicariously through those younger than them. The struggle is that life is truly what you make of it, you set the endgame, the conditions, the goals.
Just do what you want. Except violate the NAP, that gets you shot.
 
I'm training the most stereotypical zoomer at work and it's testing my patience. He is very quiet, very slow, and not very smart. I understand it takes time to build muscle-memory and apply what you've learned onto new situations, but my god he is much worse than the other guy I trained. The longer it takes him, the longer I have to bail him out of situations on top of my own work.
 
What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?
Sacrifice, the future has it's price
And today is only
Yesterday's tomorrow

Tomoooorroooow🎶
Tomoooorroooow
🎶

Holding my son while he smiles his toothless little grin in his sleep in my nice warm house while the rain patters on the roof and the thunder rolls off the hills. It’s comfy bros.
Ain't that the best thing?

This night I cut contact with my ex, and go through separate ways. I just deleted all of our messages, seven years of relationship deleted in an instant. Probably won't talk to her again.

I thought that this was gonna be easy, it wasn't. I never felt more alone in my entire life like this night. I stared at the night for hours at this point.

Life goes on, I will love her forever, but I will have to let her go for the best of us.

I'm not going to recover from what happened tonight for a long time. I will keep running to forget about everything.

I'll say it here because I didn't have the guts to tell you in person tonight, but I love you, M, I'll love you forever and I hope you live a good life and find happiness elsewhere.
You lived before you met her, you can live without her.

It takes time, it's been years for me and I'm still in the process of it.

But hey, at least you don't have to put up with her for the sake of a kid. Sometimes I wish I could have a clean break, so unintuitive as it may seem, think of "Probably won't talk to her again" as a potentially good, healthier thing.
 
He’s in my arms snoring right now, and there’s not a single pre-kids experience that compares. The little weight and warmth of their body, the soft motion of their breathing against you, the tiny facial expressions as they dream. Babies are magical.
you got a rocking chair?
 
this will sound retarded (it is) but have you considered a motorcycle? Everytime I start to feel bad I force (keyword force) myself to ride it and it makes me feel better almost all of the time. Improving your riding and slowly becoming one with the machine feels amazing. It's also a practical hobby (you can ride it to work).
I've considered it but I had a classic car for long enough to know that I don't really enjoy working on automobiles, nor going fast for no reason, nor being loud for no reason. I've driven the lower 48 and I like to go slow for a very long time and think deeply about things other than what I'm doing. If I got anything it would be something like a Honda Valkyrie and at that point it's just a larp.

But the way you described it is how I feel about trail running but I hurt my knee and haven't been able to do shit for months which is probably why I want to fucking die now that I think about it.

I feel that. I've had to force myself to start a project, but when it's finished I'm back at square one like it never happened.
Hobbies and pets are supposed to help with PTSD but it's still rough as fuck.
Yeah. I ran a half marathon and climbed a mountain last year and my perception both of those things immediately went from incredible accomplishments to just stuff I've done. I just think, "well if I can do it then it must not be hard after all," like I'm this toxic thing that diminishes everything I touch. Or more realistically it gets recontextualized in my head as less of an accomplishment than the totally mundane bullshit that other people are perfectly capable of but which I can't seem to manage because I'm defective. I can haul a fifty pound pack up a mountain in bear country and sleep in the snow cap because I trust myself and I don't care what happens to me but as soon as my actions could hurt other people I turn into a bumbling retard.
I feel quite upset that coming-of-age has meant so much to the people in my life, I expected as much from the state (buy cigs, alcohol etc..) but I've come to realize the people in my life are now treating me with the respect I believed I deserved when I was even a few short days before becoming a legal adult. I am tired of being told that all of life is ahead of me because I cannot shake the feeling that the older people who say such things are conveniently getting themselves off the hook for changing into anything else other than a miserable failure. I do not think I know more about anything than the people older than me, but I am scared of how much cope-and-seethe I have seen in the adults in my life to rationalize away why they wasted their lives the "right way". I want them to be wrong but I have no examples of someone my parents age that aren't bitter drones.
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
 
I have been unemployed for +two weeks and I can feel the mask of sanity slipping. I have been employed continuously for the last 3.5 years, and after listening to podcast and playing wow and nothing else for a few days I can feel my brain frying. I finally understand Jewrsh's wisdom when he said that government shouldnt fund people to do nothing and just be a nuisance to everyone. If you can just smoke weed, goon and do nothing all day every day, you're broken somehow.

Luckily I managed to arrange an interview for myself in 5 days. Wish me luck.
I got the job, starting next week. Hell yeah, only had to be unemployed for a couple of weeks. I got the feeling this job will be even better than the last.
 
strong at the broken places
My friend, I want to thank you for your comment, this line is a wonderful distillation of my resolve for how I wish to live.
If oblivion is inevitable, it is equally as irrational to surrender to despair as it is hope. The most stirring fiction and the pantheon of human history is full of tales of those who chose the later. Not because they thought themselves immortal, nor because they had any delusions that they were not headed for the meat grinder. But because stalwart objection to the cold fate is novel, it is the exceptional and it is the transcendental. This is my understanding of bravery.
And if I am to lose this purpose, what would the tribulation be worth after all.
 
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Mildly annoyed, two of the items (technically six split between two bundles) I ordered for my gaming desk haven’t been left the “label created” phase of shipping on FedEx’s site despite both storefronts saying they’ve shipped.

Other than that it’s going well, the rest of the stuff I need has either arrived or will be arriving today. A friend of mine has also set up a new business venture and, via that avenue, I may be getting regular work again in the near future.
 
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