How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.

I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.

Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.

Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.

I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.

For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.
Maybe you just don't care for that particular book much and need to find the right one?
No matter how exhausted I get during the day, if I'm reading a book I find actually enjoyable, I'll squeeze in some time for it. If it's fun to read, it invigorates instead of taking energy away.
I've been pushed away from reading entirely because I got hung up on books that I just didn't find entertaining but felt like I "had" to read, so I'd end up reading nothing and doomscrolling instead. But if it's something that brings joy, you should be gravitating towards it, yknow.
 
Generally not a "born in the wrong decade" type of person but we've been to a lot of museums lately. Every single "what a carpenter's workshop looked like" exhibit followed the same story: Grow up, go away, learn, come home; fill a niche in your local community. Build/buy a home, have 3 kids, buy the newest car. Likewise I watched a documentary on Industrial Light & Magic. They shipped out losers from their literal mom's basement, gave them a house and paid them above their wage to do stop-motion for Star Wars ep 4-6. They didn't even do well for quite a while. Just.. work anything. Do it decent. Be paid.

Now? Oh you want to be an unpaid intern at Pixar? Better make an 18 min Oscar worthy short film. I saw a guy interview "young" employees at Google campus. Not ONE person had done less than two unpaid internships there. Sure, "they made it" once they get in, but fucking hell. Everything is done. We can't progress anymore. No more instruments are gonna be invented, and if they do, they'll be mastered and turned into a novelty in a pop song in 4 months. There is no "first mover" that isn't directly tied to computer type shit. You won't see someone invent a "scrungus" and build upside down gravity-defying buildings out of ancient oak. It'll only ever be 1's and 0's put together in a new way.

Programming is like the only "niche hobby" that can be turned into a job these days. I saw a tiktok of a 19 year old who had become adept at restoring old church mantles etc. All those intricate corner stones and goblins. He'll be employed for life but how the fuck do you even get into that? And again, without social media, he probably wouldn't be half as rich. We live in a world in which your only way forward is to work with computers or use computers to monetize a novelty.

Sometimes I watch animal documentaries and see shit like "career hunter killing human-eating monsters" or "this man spent 30 years raising an elephant". They probably make fuck all but at least it's tism-turned-job. I feel hopeless is what.
Maybe you just don't care for that particular book much and need to find the right one?
No matter how exhausted I get during the day, if I'm reading a book I find actually enjoyable, I'll squeeze in some time for it. If it's fun to read, it invigorates instead of taking energy away.
I've been pushed away from reading entirely because I got hung up on books that I just didn't find entertaining but felt like I "had" to read, so I'd end up reading nothing and doomscrolling instead. But if it's something that brings joy, you should be gravitating towards it, yknow.
I haven't read, ever. Then randomly I got so fucking bored I started. Mostly non-fiction biographies but even Dune and Potter, somewhat hopefully maybe starting on the mistborne trilogy. It feels.. wasteful? "I could be finishing that game backlog". Suddenly I'm 500 pages in and barely had to fight for it. Reading is wack.
 
My USB drive I store my Blender animations on fucking died.
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I need some kind of emotional support. I have a bad temper, and I'm overly emotional. The lightest things trigger me; I need a diagnosis. Can any Kiwifarms armchair psychologists help me?
In all seriousness, although it is going to be maddening and seem retarded, listening to Tara Brach podcasts and actually engaging with what she says could help. She is a meditation instructor. It is hard to explain, but she has a talent for helping you ask questions to yourself about your experiences and why your mind may react the way it does. It sounds really cheesy, but it is free, and you can wear headphones so no one knows you are listening to a lady asking you to breath, lol.


Anyway, I posted here yesterday or day before about layoffs/job hunts/ vehicle died and got towed. I am in better spirits because I got a job interview next week, and today Ive been working on my truck and think I might be able to bandaid the issue for less than 20 dollars and possibly fix it entirely for less than 100. I will have to walk to the parts store though and its so fucking hot. The heat index is 112. I am putting it off til morning. I get oddly embarrassed when I bike and walk places because its obvious I am on foot for a reason, and the parts store people know me by now lol. Its been a minute since I had to bike there. They are really nice its just embarrassing that I will have to chat with them about wtf is wrong with my ride this time, because I feel too old to be doing this song and dance. When youre 20 and biking to the store to get your parts, people think youre a dilligent but broke college student just getting started in the world, doing what they can. When youre over 30, it starts to look sad that you havent gotten to the point of affording a reliable car. Or at least that is how I am feeling now. (I love my ancient truck though and even though I could get something nicer I genuinely dont want to. Low insurance, no payments, and I can fix a lot myself which I really enjoy as long as there isnt pressure behind it like there is this time lol)
 
It'll only ever be 1's and 0's put together in a new way.
That's all it ever was though. Different arrangements of matter, molecules, atoms, quarks, quanta. Different frequencies of wave. Different arrangements of letters and words. Everything that is can be quantified as patterns of presence and absence -- ones and zeroes. The patterns are complex and elegant and incomprehensibly high-resolution, but they're still patterns of presence and absence.

I've always been tickled by the idea that evil cannot create, only corrupt what already exists, because no man in all of history has ever created anything at all. We turn trees into shelter and fire and parchment, plants and animals into food, food into energy into ideas, wood and stone and metal into useful shapes and pipes and circuits to trap lightning in, and patterns of presence and absence into glyphs, letters and words, which we rearranged endlessly, just like we rearrange matter, all the while telling ourselves we're creating. All anyone has ever done is take what's there and move it around, like ants or birds or Satan.

Life is pretty shit now but I don't think that's a reason to mysticize how it used to be, especially when everything they did then got us where we are now. Like how tradcaths idealize the idyllic nuclear family lifestyle which collectively birthed the most childish entitled selfish coddled short-sighted generation of Americans that's ever existed. We are living the consequences of their lives and the appropriate response is not jealousy, it's indignation.
 
When youre over 30, it starts to look sad that you havent gotten to the point of affording a reliable car. Or at least that is how I am feeling now. (I love my ancient truck though and even though I could get something nicer I genuinely dont want to. Low insurance, no payments, and I can fix a lot myself which I really enjoy as long as there isnt pressure behind it like there is this time lol)
I don't know. There are plenty of people out there, especially car nerds, that are way not judgy about people who want to keep old vehicles because they don't want the newest electrical things and would prefer them to be mechanical, or because they want to save money, or because if they're car nerds, they're even kind of proud of you for doing your own repair work.

I wouldn't sweat being ashamed of that. That's what those stores are for.
 
So I’ve been trying to cook dinner on my days off work to make my mom happy and just get in the habit of cooking my own meals. It’s been going great but I’m struggling to figure out what to cook. I’ve asked my mom what she wants and it’s usually this one meal or the “I don’t know
 
I've always been tickled by the idea that evil cannot create, only corrupt what already exists, because no man in all of history has ever created anything at all.
That quote is from Tolkien explaining why Melkor (literally Satan) had to corrupt elves into being orcs, rather than being able to make orcs whole cloth. Being a devout Christian, this is lines up:
All anyone has ever done is take what's there and move it around, like ants or birds or Satan.

However, the criticism, as it is used in current culture, is towards the current glut of reused IP, that are mediocre at best and down-right insulting/sabotaged at worst. To say there’s nothing new under the sun (a literal Bible passage) has always been true, but also always been needlessly reductive in excusing those who would rather parasitise an idea than innovate.
 
That's all it ever was though. Different arrangements of matter, molecules, atoms, quarks, quanta. Different frequencies of wave. Different arrangements of letters and words. Everything that is can be quantified as patterns of presence and absence -- ones and zeroes. The patterns are complex and elegant and incomprehensibly high-resolution, but they're still patterns of presence and absence.

I've always been tickled by the idea that evil cannot create, only corrupt what already exists, because no man in all of history has ever created anything at all. We turn trees into shelter and fire and parchment, plants and animals into food, food into energy into ideas, wood and stone and metal into useful shapes and pipes and circuits to trap lightning in, and patterns of presence and absence into glyphs, letters and words, which we rearranged endlessly, just like we rearrange matter, all the while telling ourselves we're creating. All anyone has ever done is take what's there and move it around, like ants or birds or Satan.

Life is pretty shit now but I don't think that's a reason to mysticize how it used to be, especially when everything they did then got us where we are now. Like how tradcaths idealize the idyllic nuclear family lifestyle which collectively birthed the most childish entitled selfish coddled short-sighted generation of Americans that's ever existed. We are living the consequences of their lives and the appropriate response is not jealousy, it's indignation.
I'm well aware it wasn't any better back-when, and I only say it now cause I'm done being obsessed with video games and computers, but to truly drown in your profession in a skillful manner that isn't just "uhh my network", but to pursue becoming the best at wood jointing or whatever. There's few things like it these days, and most of those are computer related. It does sound super daunting to have to move away to live and breathe learning your craft, and having to stay on top of that shit til you die, whereas today it's wishy-washy computer wizardry. Regardless, to have 3-4 employments throughout life and make enough sounds magical. I sometimes forget my next job could be the one I have for 5 years because everyone is so hooked on finding a new one every two years. There is no loyalty, and we've created a corporate world where there's no need for it.
 
So I’ve been trying to cook dinner on my days off work to make my mom happy and just get in the habit of cooking my own meals. It’s been going great but I’m struggling to figure out what to cook. I’ve asked my mom what she wants and it’s usually this one meal or the “I don’t know
Start with a protein or carb and go from there. I.e. figure out "I'm going to cook rice" or noodles or have bread, and "I have chicken thawed" or frozen protein or whatever.... It's good to at least vaguely plan this when you go grocery shopping.
It's basically impossible to open your fridge and just cook a recipe from a cookbook if you haven't planned for those ingredients to be there already, or you always keep a well-stocked pantry.

https://based.cooking/

The more you cook the easier it gets by far. You only need to know how to cook like 5-10 recipes and suddenly you can make enough variations that it won't feel stale for a very long time.

My cheat code is to cook off a bunch of chicken breasts which I'm doing today actually. Then they can be used in all sorts of things over the next few days. I poach mine with lemon and smoked black pepper. I'm probably going to use most of it in chicken soup, but I'm also going to slice some for salad, and shred some for quesadillas. The soup will be a little involved but I could make salad and quesadillas with my eyes closed at this point.

If you stock like 3-5 types of frozen proteins in your house it makes meals a breeze imo. Right now I've got breaded chicken patties, frozen chichen thighs, frozen hamburger patties, breakfast sausage patties, and corn dogs in my freezer. I think all of it from ALDI. I really like those steamcook bags of vegetables too, they're very cheap, even cheaper than fresh where I am. Microwaving a 1.75 dollar bag usually gets me four servings.

It's horribly inefficient money-wise but I freaking love those 90 second mixed rice pouches. I throw them straight into soup and they never get mushy, or served by themselves with a little butter for a basically instant side dish.

You can bake a brown potato in the microwave in about ten minutes and basically everyone loves a baked potato. Just wash it really well and stab it with a fork beforehand.

Those who can cook will eat like kings.
 
You can bake a brown potato in the microwave in about ten minutes and basically everyone loves a baked potato. Just wash it really well and stab it with a fork beforehand.
I really prefer an hour or more at 400-450 after brushing with oil or butter and rolling in salt. If it doesn't have a crispy skin it isn't really baked, it's just steamed.

Also there's this:

This is a site where you input ingredients you already have and it gives you recipes. It's a pretty good way of figuring out something to do with the half dozen kinds of produce you have that are about to go off.
 
I really prefer an hour or more at 400-450 after brushing with oil or butter and rolling in salt. If it doesn't have a crispy skin it isn't really baked, it's just steamed.

Also there's this:

This is a site where you input ingredients you already have and it gives you recipes. It's a pretty good way of figuring out something to do with the half dozen kinds of produce you have that are about to go off.
In the summer, this little old house will be 85 degrees indoors if I have the oven at 450 for an hour. But I agree with crispy baked potatoes superiority. Twice baked potatoes are one of my favorite foods.
 
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If you want a really easy "healthy" dinner, I bake chicken.

I take a pound of chicken tenderloins, paint them with avocado oil (any oil works really, and then coat them with some seasoning (I like nashville hot chicken seasoning). Cook for 20 minutes at 400F. I cook a cup of instant rice in the microwave, and then steam a bag of broccoli in the microwave. Hearty meal, covers two dinners for me. I save half the chicken and broccoli for the next night and heat it up in the oven at 400F again, with another new cup of rice.

Overall 2 nights dinner costs me $12, and I rarely tire of it. There are better ways to cook rice, make chicken, and steam broccoli, but nothings easier to clean than chicken cooked on a pan covered in tinfoil, and rice cooked in a bowl.

Tax: I slightly twisted my ankle
 
While I still like my job, I realize I anticipate the weekend more than I used to. The work itself is fine. I unironically like mail processing. It's just sometimes it's my coworkers or people who work in other agencies in the same building that get under my skin. I'll save the bitching for the other thread though.

In other news, and this might come as a surprise, but I've been going steady with someone I met a week ago. I vowed I would never meet another woman again after finding one lady I speak with a lot is a lesbian, but I decided to give it another try. So far, so good. If this doesn't work out, then whatever I'll just stick to being a single guy again.

She actually likes me for who I am and vice versa. We get along. We talk. We're attracted to each other too. So who knows?
 
While I still like my job, I realize I anticipate the weekend more than I used to. The work itself is fine. I unironically like mail processing. It's just sometimes it's my coworkers or people who work in other agencies in the same building that get under my skin.
I always feel that work with incompatible coworkers feels more like school than a job. My past locations where the work itself was terrible and the people were great makes me want to suck it up and go back, but that's also an unreasonable pay cut with physical suffering.
I've got my own current problem with a couple of coworkers, one of which has the eye of Sauron upon them and wants to set literally anyone else off for them to get attention from the boss instead.
 
Fellow married guys, homeowners, I need some advice.

I used to be a big reader and writer, it's what I even did for a job at one point. Basically I was always around books, and read about 200 per year. That was how life was from 18 to 30 or so.

Know how many books I've read this year? 0. None whatsoever. I started one a few months back, I'm maybe 20 pages in. It lies on my bedside table gathering dust lol.

Thing is, I just can't seem to find the mental energy to read these days. If I'm not doing 'outdoor' stuff or in the gym, I'm working on my house or doing stuff with the wife. By the time I get in bed, I'm just so fucking beat up I can't imagine doing some reading.

I miss it so much, but it's definitely something you need to get into a routine for.

For arguments sake, I am excluding any 'reading' I do in Wikipedia or other websites, news article, etc. Just physical books is my reference.
I know it's not exactly the same but audiobooks are much easier to sync up with other activities when your schedule is otherwise packed.
 
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