How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[PaleTay]

I feel you. College used to be the place where the best and brightest congregated to do researxh and produce great results form said research, but due to the democratization of the college industry at the expense of reachibg "wider audiences", it's a mix of various types od literal children who need to be put in a daycare to earn a degree they don't care about so they can get a job they hate.

The only thing more soul crushing than university is the professional world.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

My current situation is mixed, to say the least. On one hand, I've gotten myself a new job, and I've made some progress with my writing. On the other, well...

My new job is retail; working through the winter as a temporary hire, and while it's a bit easier than my previous retail position, it's still unpleasant. It's rather common for both children and adults to start randomly just dumping whatever they get in their hands all over the store; I had to throw away someone's half-eaten lunch lying in the floor several days ago, and I've had to stay more than two hours past closing time before just to clean the building. The job makes good money, but it's stressful, and I think it might actually be taking a toll on my health; started dealing with chest pains again recently, and I'm fairly certain they're caused by anxiety. So, that's fun.

On the writing side of things, it's been one step forward, no idea how many steps back. I've mentioned this before, but for those that don't know and/or are curious:

Spoiler: Writing Challenge

A while back, my group was challenged to write a character and/or story that was basically just made entirely up of their favorites; a personally tailored character in a story of the author's favorite genre, with the favored tone and plot. No time limit, just creative writing as much as you want. Everyone else in my group has gotten their characters made and their stories written, but I have basically nothing; I got an idea for the character that's basically a homage to an old series in particular, and a few old stories and even games that're still near and dear to my heart, but... I have no idea on what I should try and write. Believe me, I've sat down and put plenty to paper, but nothing just sticks for me.

Granted, IRL issues such as job stuff, several deaths in the family and friend circle, and events like the election probably aren't helping.

Gonna vent a bit:

Spoiler: Sperging about writing

I've found myself breaking my writing down into two problems; the character and the story. The story is the bigger issue, so I'll focus on that.

On the story side of things, the main issues are setting and consistency, I think. I've been wanting to try and write something lighter-hearted, but my happy ass isn't great at writing happier stuff these days; I keep getting sidetracked into darker subjects and shit, and while I don't mind getting into darker subjects, it's a matter of situation. Feels weird to have a lighter-hearted comedy plot in the middle of my usual post-apocalypse settings, for instance.

The setting itself is another issue, as I've got plenty of ideas from a surprisingly large amount of genres; seriously, off the top of my head, I can drop several fantasy stories, some post-apocalyptic stuff, cyberpunk, pirates, space opera... there's so much to work with! Only issue is actually figuring out what kind of setting I want to write; I tend to lean more on the "realism" side of things even in fantasy settings, and I was thinking about making it an "urban fantasy/sci-fi" setting on Earth, but I'm lost on the finer details, such as genre.

Doesn't help that my autistic ass keeps wanting to make something "unique" compared to the others in my group, and we've already gotten a new western horror, space cyberpunk, and multiple fantasy stories of various genres from the rest of my group.

As for the character... I've got some ideas, but I'm going to try and get the setting created and figured out before I start making the protagonist. There's a few (admittedly big) issues, but I want to focus on one thing at a time. Besides, I think if I can get the setting/genre figured out, it can help me get some of the character issues sorted.

Any ideas, comments?

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

I have my next certification test in 5 hours, its not a technical one, just a low-ish end project management cert. I've done ITIL 4 which was dogshit easy (studied for a week and passed it) but this ones slightly more difficult. Passing score is a hard C and alot of it is just logic based but I'm still nervous. Racing through practice tests (that are harder than the actual test) I get hard Cs, then after studying what I missed I get high 80s/low 90s so I'll surely be fine if I take the entire time given to me and look closely at what they're asking. I have really been dialing in my studying just because I've done so much (since July I've gotten 3 certs, today will be my 4th) so I'm worried that I might have fucked myself.

The studying never ends; after this I have another cert I want to get before the first week of January and 5 others by the end of 2025 before I decide to enroll in college again. God kill me.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Coming up on 1.5 years at my workplace. I've already been threatened with being sent to get a one-year course certificate, but I've told them that if I do get forced, I'll start looking for another job. I don't want to but my body demands it and I'm still yearning for validation. I've got a dogshit job history but I've got a master's degree, so on a good day I wake up and think to myself "I've gone through 5 years of uni and I'm IT competent, surely I can get any random fucking cozy public office job". Then the next I wake up and go "I got zero qualifications and no proof of competency; how the hell am I gonna get a new job?".

The other day I watched a short of Terry Crews talking about his first real job sweeping floors. He'd go in every day imagining he'd win a million at the end of the day and it made his day a lot easier. He could pay the bills and vowed to never be unemployed again. Shit like that is life affirming. I got it good; car, cat, apartment. I should be happy, happiness is a choice. A coworker of mine is an ex-financial advisor and she has made twice her current wage and she could again, but she chose this job for a chill 2 years off. She has fun despite a lot of medical issues in her family and in her kids, yet she meet up every day happy. I could too, if I stopped worrying so fucking much about my work life and instead found a hobby and was happy.

The only thing more soul crushing than university is the professional world.

Which is why you see academics get stuck in university after graduating as a semi-teacher, then apply for a PhD, and next thing you've been in university for 20 years skating between projects and teaching all to avoid getting a real job. I must admit the academic world is alluring; nothing but curiosity and trying to make ends meet so that you can keep studying. A friend of mine has moved like 4 times for the sake of different labs doing his PhD, while also teaching and grading papers and being sent around the world for events. That sure as shit beats being sent to a... construction event in China on daddy's dime. For what, shareholder value?

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I hate when people irrationally think you're unreliable when you've never failed them, just because they're insecure. Someone in my life keeps giving me "wake up calls" when I've already been up for several hours and uses this to say I'm lazy and sleep in etc., and thinks I'm lying that I'm not awake earlier. I don't eat breakfast until 9am or so, and so they argue I'm "not really awake" even if I've showered, dressed, gone to the store and back, etc.... I feel like I'm going crazy. She has actual BPD so I gave up years ago. But this stuff still gets to me.

 

[IKOL]

I hate when people irrationally think you're unreliable when you've never failed them, just because they're insecure. Someone in my life keeps giving me "wake up calls" when I've already been up for several hours and uses this to say I'm lazy and sleep in etc., and thinks I'm lying that I'm not awake earlier. I don't eat breakfast until 9am or so, and so they argue I'm "not really awake" even if I've showered, dressed, gone to the store and back, etc.... I feel like I'm going crazy. She has actual BPD so I gave up years ago. But this stuff still gets to me.

Can relate to that, only difference is that I don't have anyone who'd do that to me. I have alarm clock instead, that is always charged up for 6am. Due to my work schedule I've stopped eating breakfast, at the same time my lunch and dinner time got a serious shift and that have got rather bad results for me. I eat twice per day, at 11 am and basically 10-11 pm now because I work from 8am (actually 7-7:30 am considering I need to open up the store instead of my now completely gone free director) to 10pm.

And regarding that, I've filed my leave at the beginning of the month. I'm tired of this, honestly, ever since I've been transfered to this particular store I work at I haven't had any normal day off for real. My director worked 'till 9th of October, my HR and cluster manager started shitting in my brains cuz my vacation was starting day after, on 10th, I warned everyone about this. And while my director remembered it, CM and HR have "forgot" about that little notion that I've been reminding them FOR WEEKS. It was October, and my vacation haven't had a single day without my phone tearing up because of our new transfer, because both cluster and HR are literal narcissistic cunts that feel insecure about somebody not playing them book rules and does their own thing instead, like me. So I expect to be fired on 22nd. I know for a fact I wont be, cuz my replacer is a green one, who while having some administrative skills from previous store network he worked at, he's not ready for this job yet. And my current partner have issued a sick-list for herself so I'm left without day offs for fuck knows how long, let alone the fact that I have to teach that green guy, have to manage the store that being drowned in fuck-a-lot of shit that we don't need because the automation of supplements refill and we can't do shit with that wank of a shit code, at all.

So when the expected date comes, it supposed to be my last day there. I know I won't be left free, so on my first free day I'll file a case for violation of my worker rights, as well as the violation of federal law that states that my bosses need to be informed two weeks prior of my quit, and they were, and they supposed to release me from my administrative duties on designated date.

4 days left. That's gonna be a fun ride...

Here's a thing tho... I like this work. But I'm tired from the amount of pressure, illiteracy and disrespect put from our high ranks, from customers, toward me, my co-workers and from my co-workers. Lack of communication, engagement in resolving actual issues like lack of personnel, human hours cuts every week, a few other things that just doesn't make much of sense. Just a few months ago I've filed my will to get a promotion, since I've worked hard enough to get it for myself for once, and while one cluster manager that I've actually enjoyed to work with was about to set all needed papers and interviews with high ranks in the division, which I'd passed with relative ease. But her replacement just wiped her ass by it, then fuckin' left, now new one faggot demanded us to make our store great again , while it's impossible to do when it's just two people in the shift, one admin and one cashier, and both have to run like rabid dogs on the run all across the store, to deal with overstaffed shevles, overstaffed "warehouse", a lot of faggy customers that have no respect toward hard work we put in, thieves, deaf CM and HR (which hates me with burning passion as I've already mentioned). So there's no director position for me, BUT they intend to put an inexperienced young dumb girl at the head of the store instead, because she's "working hard". Oh yeah, working hard my ass, when I have to clean up all her mess every first day of my shift, only then doing what I'm supposed to do after like half a day of finishing what's left after her and her shift.

And don't get me started on snitches and rats among the colleagues. I thought of some people better, now that I got to know their true colors I've lost all respect for them, and for the company I work for in general.

 

[missnaptime]

i think i'm developing feelings for a guy who's friends with my ex; and i'm not entirely sure what to do. i'm not hung up over said ex, but man. this guy is so kind to me. he's genuinely great. he's always so warm and chivalrous and respectful, and i really would like to kiss him and take him out for coffee.

i guess i'm worried it may strain their friendship - my ex was really cruel to me, and even so, i don't want to impede on anything just because i have romantic feelings for him. i know he hasn't dated in a while, and i don't want to overwhelm him.

i'm not asking for advice fwiw,, but man. he's so beautiful. genuinely one of the most attractive men i've seen in my life. tall, gentle, kind, annoying, a touch edgy, and a bit of a shithead but genuinely one of the most genuine and loving people i've had the pleasure of knowing. i hope me asking him for a date won't ruin our friendship and make things awkaward.

tldr feelings are weird and i am a very anxious woman who is slightly afraid of men anyway,,, yippee

 

[Lukie]

i think i'm developing feelings for a guy who's friends with my ex; and i'm not entirely sure what to do. i'm not hung up over said ex, but man. this guy is so kind to me. he's genuinely great. he's always so warm and chivalrous and respectful, and i really would like to kiss him and take him out for coffee.

i guess i'm worried it may strain their friendship - my ex was really cruel to me, and even so, i don't want to impede on anything just because i have romantic feelings for him. i know he hasn't dated in a while, and i don't want to overwhelm him.

i'm not asking for advice fwiw,, but man. he's so beautiful. genuinely one of the most attractive men i've seen in my life. tall, gentle, kind, annoying, a touch edgy, and a bit of a shithead but genuinely one of the most genuine and loving people i've had the pleasure of knowing. i hope me asking him for a date won't ruin our friendship and make things awkaward.

tldr feelings are weird and i am a very anxious woman who is slightly afraid of men anyway,,, yippee

If your ex was cruel he may cause issues in the future. Also the guy you like surely would have known about his behaviour and tolerated it which could indicate a blindside...

Just be careful my lovely!

 

[Betonhaus]

Looks like I'm going to miss my job interview in the next town over as I'm currently in the ditch. Ah well AMA is on the way so I'm out $40.

 

[missnaptime]

If your ex was cruel he may cause issues in the future. Also the guy you like surely would have known about his behaviour and tolerated it which could indicate a blindside...

Just be careful my lovely!

he didn't - nobody knows at all. how we broke things off, etc, and he was very respectful about the whole thing and wanted to keep it a private endeavour between me and the ex.

i don't care what my ex says or tries to do to me; its the crush i'm concerned about, i don't want to jeopardize anything for him

thank you for your kind words!! god bless. <3

 

[Lukie]

he didn't - nobody knows at all. how we broke things off, etc, and he was very respectful about the whole thing and wanted to keep it a private endeavour between me and the ex.

i don't care what my ex says or tries to do to me; its the crush i'm concerned about, i don't want to jeopardize anything for him

thank you for your kind words!! god bless. <3

I think you'll need to be a bit clever about it. Maybe keep it on the downlow because of the ex. The new guy will need to know the shit your ex was up to at some point - you have no obligation to protect him, but at the same time not talk/sob about your ex while you two are warming up.

You need to look out for your future happiness, sometimes that can make other people unhappy (and that's okay too) if things work out with the new guy start to angle severing the ex out of both of your lives for a calmer future.

Please feel free to discard my opinion.

Bless you too

 

[boards of canada]

I keep having these weird dreams that leave me totally disoriented after I wake up. I'm glad that I'm getting any sleep at all, but I wish I knew what these meant. In most of them, I'm swarmed by a bunch of colorful or white birds, but I feel calm despite how fast they move and how loud their wing beats are.

I hate when people irrationally think you're unreliable when you've never failed them, just because they're insecure.

People like this look for the negatives in other people just so they have something to complain about, often exaggerating those negatives. They are a chore to be around. The best way to deal with them is to give them no fuel for the fire; give a simple "uh huh" or "yeah" in an emotionless or bored tone. They might give you some shit for being "disinterested" or whatever, but it burns out when they realize you don't care. The most important thing is to not let them.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Went to the dentist and had a wisdom tooth removed. It was a lot faster than the last time. Instead of cutting my gums open, they just broke the bastard and pulled it. Lot cheaper too. Still unpleasant. Lemme tell you, there's something vividly panic inducing by laying there and have this giant monkeywrench in your mouth and you can't feel anything except dull pain but you sure as fuck can hear the cracks and sounds of something breaking from your very skull.

Also now you feel this gaping hole in your mouth. If anything I got to keep the tooth.

That aside my face fucking hurts and I'm very tired and very nauseated.

Spoiler: Tooth

 

[PaleTay]

Which is why you see academics get stuck in university after graduating as a semi-teacher, then apply for a PhD, and next thing you've been in university for 20 years skating between projects and teaching all to avoid getting a real job. I must admit the academic world is alluring; nothing but curiosity and trying to make ends meet so that you can keep studying. A friend of mine has moved like 4 times for the sake of different labs doing his PhD, while also teaching and grading papers and being sent around the world for events. That sure as shit beats being sent to a... construction event in China on daddy's dime. For what, shareholder value?

Well that too, I was just thinking that university is the last time you can easily curate your friend group. I remember being disappointed if I only liked a couple people in my classes but as an adult I'm surprised if I like any of the people I encounter throughout my day, there are plenty of days I'll struggle to find someone around my age who looks like they take care of themselves.

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

I have my next certification test in 5 hours

I passed! Barely. Passing score was a 710/900, I got a 721/900, which I think means I passed by 1 or 2 questions (81 questions) It was a project management cert (Project+) so I wasn't exactly interested in it. A bit concerning on how low my score was but a pass is a pass. 6 down, 6 to go.

Why do I always feel like I'm constantly at the beginning of things and never the end? I know I'm young, but damn, can't I ever get to the end of something and relax? I feel like I'll be 30 before I ever relax.

I hate when people irrationally think you're unreliable when you've never failed them

Maybe slightly off topic but I hate when people think that, justified or otherwise. Always makes you feel like shit, doesn't it?

 

[Cemetery Support]

I AM FUCKING SICK. ILL. THE SNIFFLES. COUGHING. FUCK!!!!

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

^ Don't take anymore shots and make sure you get sunshine and plenty of vitamins from fruit and vegetables


Does anyone else feel married to their job!? I'm on call from midnight until I get into work, and then I'm the only one in my department at work for a couple of hours as there basically has to be 24 hour coverage or the all important $$$ per second graph won't be record breaking and the shareholders won't be able to own their 20th gold plated jet.

I have had the first sick day in a long time and of course there was some kind of major issue and people were trying to call me in the early hours and complete pandemonium took place. I can't be expected to be fully enveloped in this job till I don't exist as a person anymore and I become nothing but a worker droid, surely there is a moment where I can pretend to have a life and do something else.

Fuck working, it's not worth the fake digital money you get in exchange for your lifeforce.

 

[TheRedChair]

Yea one of those days.

 

[Betonhaus]

I finally found a free CAD software I can use on Linux that makes sense. granted it's cloud based but it works

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Well that too, I was just thinking that university is the last time you can easily curate your friend group. I remember being disappointed if I only liked a couple people in my classes but as an adult I'm surprised if I like any of the people I encounter throughout my day, there are plenty of days I'll struggle to find someone around my age who looks like they take care of themselves.

Definitely. Looking back, my life exists in brackets. Year 0 to 10 of my public school; grow up with classmates and get to know their parents and go to family events and shit. 3 years of high school; now it's all about growing up and romancing and getting drunk. University? Either people moved so far they lost all their previous friends (which I did), or they are already such good friends with either of the two aforementioned groups that they have zero interest in making new friends at university. Most of my public school friends stuck to/moved back to our hometown, had kids and got a simple blue collar job. High school I was around mostly rich kids, so they all moved to the capital and got fine jobs and degrees. University, people were having kids and shit, and whereas I expected to go all-in and spend 24/7 at university, everyone else instead treated it like public school. In and out as fast as possible. No clubs no groups no nothing.

In terms of making friends, I face the issue of not being unwilling to "stoop" to joining a local club, but I also want to meet people of my age and I won't. I've opted out of so much social media and other normal things that my chances of meeting someone else having done so are minimal. Straight up going to social events for the sake of meeting people is paradoxical, cause nobody who has a healthy social life would need to go to events to meet people, so the only ones who do are friendless for a reason. Myself included. But owning up to not having friends and doing something about it is extremely rare. The only logical solution is to find a place to go for something I enjoy doing regardless of the audience and then simply hoping I'll be surrounded by good people. Sadly, my only such normie passion is cycling and making a weekly activity out of that is gonna ruin the freedom I feel about cycling. "Nope, it's 3 times a week at these hours".

I'd rather ditch gaming forever but it's sadly the easiest way to try something new. There's a relatively active fighting game community here with locals and all, but it's primarily early-20s white dudes and I feel like my passion for the activity itself needs to be larger for that to exceed the annoyance of yet again being surrounded by white dudes. I still hold WoW in this romantic fixation that "everyone plays it" and that I could totally find a cozy normie guild, but it's a fabrication I need to let go of.