How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[AnOminous]

Fucked up. Acted cowardly. Dad told me "man the fuck up." So I did. Feels better.

 

[The Ghost of Rarity]

I’m not doing so well tonight. I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life, and as I get older I get more and more scared of my future. Especially now that I have kids, I’m always scared wondering how much time I have with them
Every day I’ll feel relatively good throughout it, but then things pop up in my feeds about cancer, MS, Parkinson’s…just all these scary ailments and I’m instantly full of dread. My mind races, can’t get it to ever shut the fuck up. I just want to be happy, just for a single day. Don’t want to live with this paralyzing fear…it’s just not fair, fellow kiwis.

This coming March is the three year anniversary of the passing of my mom, she was only 52. Had so much life left to live, and was just a couple months short of finding out that she was finally getting the granddaughter that she’d always hoped for. She was my rock, and I’ve felt so alone ever since she’s been gone…
Thank you KF, for giving me a place to vent

 

[Celestial Peace]

Each day I feel like seriously offing myself.

Always had suicidal thoughts but recently I've been less and less interested in living.

inb4: Some gay-ass saying about how life is worth living or that I should live for some equally gay-ass reason or to prove anything to everyone. Spare me your autistic philosophies.

Someone should make a Suicide Thread to discuss the best methods of killing oneself. I personally prefer shooting myself but I don't know how which one is more effective: Shooting right in the temple or right in the palate.

 

[Moomalade]

Still recovering from surgery to have a huge cyst removed from my jaw. Suffering complications with swelling. Still can't open my jaw properly, and haven't had a solid meal since the 4th Dec. I dream of Big Macs and KFC, (when denied any sort of enjoyment in food, standards of what qualifies as a sumptuous feast lower considerably).

It's fucking depressing not being able to eat, and the connection one has with your partner sitting down to eat together is gone. For me it's liquid fuel, get it out of the way and my partner feels bad eating actual food, so just grazes out of the fridge even though I insist she eat nice things, at least so I can enjoy vocariously.

If I emote in any way, smile, laugh, frown, anything, it flares up the jaw muscles. I just have a deadpan face. It's like being in a prison with no end in sight, and I want to just smash things in frustration. Drinking slowly getting out of control.

 

[BABANGUIDE64]

I'm glad this day's over

 

[Electric Mortar & Pestle]

I am always needled by those around me to open up more. That’s hard for multiple reasons, but sometimes I try.

When I do, it’s plainly obvious those same people don’t give a shit. That’s fine, I’m not very empathetic myself… just don’t gaslight me. Talk is cheap.

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

However layoffs are coming in March - I am secure from these but my urge to hurt people is becoming unbearable so I texted my boss that I can give him information/confirmation on the things he does and he replied he'll schedule a time so I'm gonna snitch and get this retard fired for the lulz.

I had a phone call with my team lead and my team manager, they want me to start gathering evidence of him sleeping on the job and shit. He had me write an email and send it to him documenting all the shit this guy has done (that i also do as well lmao) so hes totally on his way out and hes none the wiser. GOD this is going to be fucking hillarious.

Theres about a 30% chance it'll backfire on me though since I think one of the guys who catch him sleeping every now and again "caught" me (kinda) months and months ago but I don't think so.

While on the phone with my boss apparently higher leadership (the top guys at my company in the building I work for) are very concerned about how I'll be able to continue my education once I get back on day shift so it seems like I'm (still) the golden child and being groomed to move to Cybersecurity.

I am always needled by those around me to open up more. That’s hard for multiple reasons, but sometimes I try.

When I do, it’s plainly obvious those same people don’t give a shit. That’s fine, I’m not very empathetic myself… just don’t gaslight me. Talk is cheap.

People are so weird. It seems everyone wants to just isolate and talk to their discord fuck buddies. I have 2 friends at work I've offered to play vidya with, the easiest fucking thing to do and they both do this retarded shit of "i forgot ill totally add you tonight!" I think that means i'm a retard but one of them invited me out drinking and we had a good time. They all turn around and cry scream and shit about how they have no real relationships IRL though.

 

[Señora Airi]

I am always needled by those around me to open up more. That’s hard for multiple reasons, but sometimes I try.

When I do, it’s plainly obvious those same people don’t give a shit. That’s fine, I’m not very empathetic myself… just don’t gaslight me. Talk is cheap.

The people who say that only say that sort of stuff to appear enlightened or empathetic.

TAX: GOOD: It snowed and the road froze over, so work was closed yesterday and today, which was nice.

NEUTRAL: A manager was hired and then she quit less than a week in due to the health inspector saying something about her nose ring.

BAD: Roomie texted me and said he's moving back to his home state at the end of the lease (which is the end of March).

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

Just submitted a finalized project I've been putting a lot of work into. Boss calls me mere minutes later to tell me it's absolute garbage.

While this isn't exactly the kind of existential hell of suicidal ideation and crushing mental anguish that some of you are going through, I'm still pretty bummed about it.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Each day I feel like seriously offing myself.

Always had suicidal thoughts but recently I've been less and less interested in living.

inb4: Some gay-ass saying about how life is worth living or that I should live for some equally gay-ass reason or to prove anything to everyone. Spare me your autistic philosophies.

Someone should make a Suicide Thread to discuss the best methods of killing oneself. I personally prefer shooting myself but I don't know how which one is more effective: Shooting right in the temple or right in the palate.

Look, I feel for everyone struggling with shit like this, but please don't be a gay retard. There are tons of reasons to live unless you are in Johny got his gun position or spend your days in excruciating pain and medicated.
At the very least remember that if you off yourself, you will be outlived by people like Ralph, Nick, another Nick, Nick Bate, Chris, monkey torturers, munkbangers, troons and furries. They will have their last laugh, think about it!

 

[BABANGUIDE64]

Each day I feel like seriously offing myself.

Always had suicidal thoughts but recently I've been less and less interested in living.

If you don't help yourself, noone will. And that considers not only the suicide

I'm bleak, I'm a waste of space and other people's time. I'm scared of living, competing with others, I wish to perish and I know that I won't do it myself therefore I can only rely on the circumstance

 

[terraform45]

Wellness wise?
Im doing pretty good other then that
Im looking forward for what's in store for the rest of the year

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

I had a phone call with my team lead and my team manager, they want me to start gathering evidence of him sleeping on the job and shit. He had me write an email and send it to him documenting all the shit this guy has done (that i also do as well lmao) so hes totally on his way out and hes none the wiser. GOD this is going to be fucking hillarious.

LOL the little fucker called me and said he got put on unpaid leave and they're investigating him. This guy was surprised that, despite the fact that he got caught by 5+ people sleeping they were building a case on him to fire his ass.

He was being an annoying faggot last night - we work in this open-cubicle thing next to a cubicle farm and he was chucking bottles of cleaning solution/hand sanitizer over the top of the cubicle farm across the 60ft room so I let one of the team leads know before I left so I think my lead let my manager (who gets pissed off easily apparently) know and that sent everything over the edge.

I think my leadership are kinda trying to fuck me over in terms of me and this guys relationship, as I'm the only one thats come out with exact dates and times (what they need for counseling/separation paperwork) so I look forward to possible rage phone call though.

I think if they do fuck me, hes going to spread word to the other younger guys at our workplace so that will suck but I anticipate being able to move into a cyber role by the end of this year since I'm a massive asskisser.

 

[starborn427614]

Not too bad, but it's bloody cold lately.

 

[Internet Wizard]

Spoiler: I already PL way too much here but idgaf anymore

I made a new years resolution that I wouldn't consider or attempt suicide until at least 2026 and I already regret it, some days I'm just curled in bed wondering why the fuck I did that to myself. At least, there's a scary good chance that had I not made that promise I'd be dead by now.
It takes a single day to go back to square one, for any hope I've built up to vanish in an instant. If I wasn't busy with school I might really just consider moving into a psych ward for good because I don't know what the fuck else to do with myself. It feels like I'm losing this war on all fronts and there's really no use prolonging the inevitable. I want to give up, I really do.
I know I'm probably just being dramatic and exaggerating but I still feel like I have just zero optimism for the future still. But I guess being dead at 22 instead of 21 isn't that much of a difference at least, though it does mean I have to keep waking up for another year. I can't really think of things that waiting might change by then, but whatever

 

[Celestial Peace]

unless you are in Johny got his gun position or spend your days in excruciating pain and medicated.

Then I'll be incapacitated and I won't be able to kill myself. If I can do it while I'm able to why do I have to wait for an hyperbolic situation where I'll be unable to do it myself?

At the very least remember that if you off yourself, you will be outlived by people like Ralph, Nick, another Nick, Nick Bate, Chris, monkey torturers, munkbangers, troons and furries. They will have their last laugh, think about it!

The world deserves 'em.

Spoiler: I already PL way too much here but idgaf anymore

I made a new years resolution that I wouldn't consider or attempt suicide until at least 2026 and I already regret it, some days I'm just curled in bed wondering why the fuck I did that to myself. At least, there's a scary good chance that had I not made that promise I'd be dead by now.
It takes a single day to go back to square one, for any hope I've built up to vanish in an instant. If I wasn't busy with school I might really just consider moving into a psych ward for good because I don't know what the fuck else to do with myself. It feels like I'm losing this war on all fronts and there's really no use prolonging the inevitable. I want to give up, I really do.
I know I'm probably just being dramatic and exaggerating but I still feel like I have just zero optimism for the future still. But I guess being dead at 22 instead of 21 isn't that much of a difference at least, though it does mean I have to keep waking up for another year. I can't really think of things that waiting might change by then, but whatever

Life is one big pile of mundane depressing shit and the only reason people often talk about dreams and hopes is because they can't face reality themselves. If you gaze into the abyss, it will gaze back at you.

 

[Fallow Tallow]

Worn out, but I'll live.

Ended a very long term friendship today; or what was once a friendship. Once I acknowledged that dealing with this person gave me knots in the stomach and that I was only holding on due to shared history, it was obvious what needed to be done.

Feels like I did the right thing, but it still kinda sucks, you know?

 

[grimacefetishist]

Today I learned that the twist ending to takumis racing career was stolen from jem and the holograms

 

[AnOminous]

Feels like I did the right thing, but it still kinda sucks, you know?

Know that exact feel. Sorry you do now too.

 

[#FreeRoss]

I have been suffering from OCD recently. It kind of sucks, but hopefully I can get better. Also, I have just been feeling sad about the way my life is going. I'm getting older now; I'm almost 30. I have done very little with my life. I feel purposeless. I'm not suicidal, but I just feel like my life has passed me by. I'm obsessing over the calendar and each passing day wishing I had changed my life when I could have. Now I am hopeless and in despair. Does anybody relate to me?