How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Clitonium]

Now imagine the people who enjoy that setting, and the people who fuck up and decide to stick around so they can teach in the same classroom.
Power yourself with your spite. Become the biggest science the world will ever know.

I dropped out after a little come to God moment.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Apparently they're words from a speech Georges Bernanos gave at some conference in 1945. Hard to source but that's the best I've been able to find.

Thank you. I saved the quote because I liked it, but I always like to get the source.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I miss being able to go out without having to bundle up, and I miss warm weather.

What a crappy winter. Also not just for me. It has even snowed in the deep South!

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

All things considered...
I think I'm good.
Nothing changed specifically in the last month. I'm still a loser by most societal standards. But as it turns out that cutting back on hours was the best thing for me. That and I've pretty much stopped drinking. I was never an alcoholic but I was hating the very drastic jarring changes from euphoria to depression and anger that I was getting and noticed it was becoming a cope for me to feel something good in all the pain.
I'm not feeling great all the time, but my base level has evened out nicely.
Got rid of my youtube channel recently. Feel better already. I swear to god that site is an official mass psyop now.
Going to the gym more and drinking way less soda.
Gonna start cooking more homecooked meals soon.
Who would've thought drinking, eating and sleeping well and not working 50+ hours every week would help change your perspective?!

The loneliness still hits hard. I'm lucky to have a great friend I hang out with every week. He's the one reason I've stayed in this town the last year. But I do miss having a "friend unit" where we can all go out as a group somewhere and banter. There's some cons I want to go to this year but alas, no one to really go with. I really wish I can make an actual group of friends at some point.
Sometimes life is weird. Sometimes you're completely to blame for where you are in life but also have to accept the surrounding circumstances of said life heavily dictate it too. It's my fault for not going out more and trying to do stuff. But when it's hard to get around and the main hobbies where you are getting drunk and high and every other third space or hobby zone has been turned down in favor of a car lot, it kind of makes sense.

Overall, doing alright. I know what I need to do now. I just need to do it is all. Wish me luck.

 

[Hellwalker]

I've been doing very well. Way better than expected. I've been able to actually sit down and work instead of worrying about everything being perfect. I'm simply focused on getting shit done now. Though, not for everything. I've been throwing around the idea of making my very own thread that could may one day enter into Community Watch and maybe get a lot of engagement. That could be a very big accomplishment for me since I haven't been the biggest contributor to the Farms' main goals of focusing on retards and providing information. I stick around asking questions and generally don't even read most things on the Farms' (Embarrassing to admit, I know. If anyone has any advice or tips to actually sit down and read, even if I'm tired or bored, that would be extremely helpful). That's why I don't follow Lolcows or Communities at all except for two which I'm already familiar with.

Anyways, going back to my dream thread, I've been thinking that I really got the potential to make it great. To have it jam packed with information or inject humor in it. However, the reason that it's currently a dream is because I am really intimidated by what I am going to have to exert in order to make it truly the way I envision it. I realize that I'm going to have to put in a lot of research (And I mean a shit ton. At least with what I think the amount of research I'll have to do) to make sure that I don't miss anything or put in anything wrong. If I was able to have all the necessary information right in front of me, I think I'll be able to write something relatively easily. The research part of it makes me worried that I'll just throw in the towel instantly when I realize that it will be much harder than what I thought. I think my perfectionism will take its toll ten fold compared to anything else. I think what I'm trying to say is that if I start on this project, I'll now be in the commitment of doing what's needed and if I just give up because it was "too hard", I will come away 10x disappointed then an already failed thread I tried to get going.

I believe what I need (Or what I want; If It sounds like I'm being a little bitch) is just some tips or advice to get over the first hurdle of just actually starting something and committing to it (Not just about the dream thread because I think I could apply it to other areas of my life). No matter how much I want to quit because I know I'll be ashamed of myself.

 

[Lokenstien]

A person committed suicide at my university recently. I'm pretty disconnected from the whole thing since they were younger than me and in an entirely different degree and on a different campus. But the general tragedy of it has been weighing on me. They were so young that I can't help but be plagued by the "why"; Was it a rash decision from something specific? Were they ravaged by feelings of despair? Was it the extreme isolation despite living in an extremely connected world? Or most tragic of all: Did they feel they were helping their friends and family in the end? That they were easing a burden because they felt so strongly that their existence was a hindrance?
I know I'm never going to get an answer but I think any proper answer would be devastating regardless.

But on the other side I've felt strangely disturbed by how little my slice of academia has reacted. None of my professors have acknowledged the incident despite everyone receiving emails about it. None of my peers have mentioned it to me and no one is interested in speaking about the topic. It's a big school so I know there was never a bit of overlap between the passed student and the professors/programs I'm in; but I would have liked to at least seen some expression of humanity about the loss of life. I don't even know the kids name but fuck man, is life really too fast to even have a moment for recognizing the dead?

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I found some infamous resume template that is so glaringly corporate and soulless that of course it'd fit with the recruiter who made it, but as I morphed my own resume to fit the style, it worked a lot better than my prior. The bloke has also made an AI cover letter writer and it's the most inoffensive slop imaginable. A man of decades of recruitment experience thinking all these soulless quirps are appealing underlines how fucked the corpo slorpo world of jobs is.

Either way: My resume is now cleaner, shorter, and easier to customize. Now I just need to edit the text enough that I feel ready to use it for job applications, which is this never-ending struggle between needing the right job to finalize it, or to finalize it so that I may feel more inclined to use it. I really need to stop fucking hitting myself over the head about not applying for more jobs. I look at listings daily without it giving me anxiety. I actively write and fiddle with my application material. I got the spirit, I'm only truly stuck once I lose that.

A person committed suicide at my university recently. I'm pretty disconnected from the whole thing since they were younger than me and in an entirely different degree and on a different campus. But the general tragedy of it has been weighing on me. They were so young that I can't help but be plagued by the "why"; Was it a rash decision from something specific? Were they ravaged by feelings of despair? Was it the extreme isolation despite living in an extremely connected world? Or most tragic of all: Did they feel they were helping their friends and family in the end? That they were easing a burden because they felt so strongly that their existence was a hindrance?

Academia specifically is very targeted by lost potential hysteria. A kid can have abusive or no parents, do drugs, rape and kick babies, but if they're any good at school people will at hearing of their demise go "Aww they could've overwritten all of those problems with a good career!". Sometimes life happens to you and referencing my previous paragraph, I need to let it happen to me. Lost potential isn't lost; getting fired and totalling my car led to a cozy local job and more important, getting my cat. To look at a corpse and think "but he was so smart" is like looking at a dead negroid super mutant and think "aww he could've scored so many hoops". I'm out here torturing myself mentally to achieve things I couldn't care less for in a partner.

Life isn't yours to take; it's owned by those you leave behind, and even at an isolated bottom you could spend that life, theoretically already gone, doing something good. If you aren't ready to max 10 loans and spend a month in japan before killing yourself, you've still secretly got hope. Tried church, sports? That dog you always wanted but didn't feel worthy of? Go pick up an 8 year old from the shelter. Oh nah easier to whine and drink yourself dumb enough to kill yourself, leaving an impression on people that you were as deeply troubled and philosophical as the actual geniuses who killed themselves in the end.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

Essentially yes that's all it is - teaching yourself to view the thoughts as irrational. They start popping up less frequently over time because it doesn't get the same reaction. From my experience they never fully go away but they are much less bothersome.

That is an interesting and very sad post in the spoiler tag. You have been through hell.

I think OCD infects all thoughts and actions to some degree and there isn't really a way to think outside of that bubble of obsessions, if OCD affects you strongly in one area then it will often show up everywhere else even if it's not as painful to deal with. Like Autism it's almost like your brain processes things completely differently than anyone elses.

anyway that is all bullshit conjecture. I've been trying to write a reply for three nights in a row but I keep falling asleep because I get up at 2 30 am to get ready for work and then I hate breakfast and run around all day, and I don't eat again till about 4pm at best. OCD tendencies and all the other similar effects really destroy your life and leave you a wreak.

it should be called ritual based behaviour really shouldn't itt

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I've just started learning Spanish. I mean, I am Juan after all. At least it's fun to start a new thing.

 

[obsdj]

Yet another damn car problem. I don’t deserve this.

 

[Eddie Riggs]

I invited someone over for ketchup



It was this man

 

[Betonhaus]

Uggg my trainer for my job is really, really, really fucking old and it's really clear that half this stuff he just memorized a super complicated series of steps without understanding what exactly is the underlying reasoning for doing so. Which is really upsetting when something unexpected happens like I make a small mistake that is an easy fix but the easy fix is not allowed so we have to do an one hour procedure changing a fuck ton of things and now I'm worried that when we run the part we'll find out that things are worse then when we started.

For example after installing my tools and touching them off to store the offsets (the size of each tool compared to nominal, which is always set to the standard 1rst tool) , I accidentally overwrote the tool setter position instead of the z limit so it doesn't hit the tail stock when running. I figured "oh that's an easy fix as I just touched off my tools, just zero the tool setter position, touch off a known tool, subtract the correct position from the result, and enter the result into the tool setter position, then touch off again to verify and add or remove as needed until the touch off is exactly the same as before. Five minutes tops." Instead he religiously followed a generic setup procedure and reset a whole bunch of other parameters in relation to a tool that was temporarily replacing tool 1, and now I'm pretty sure everything is fucked up and we're going to have to completely start from scratch.

 

[Soup ‘n’ Salad]

Currently halfway through a closing shift. Coffee is free at work but they only have powdered creamer and some shitty sugar free flavor syrup, so my current cup of coffee is tasting pretty gross but I will persevere and make it through today

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

Went to get ready for work this morning, found I only had one pair of trousers in the wardrobe - a pair of black slacks from Uniqlo. This isn't because my wife doesn't do laundry, but rather because I'm a husky weightlifter with gigantic thighs and ass. That said, bigger guys - where do you buy your pants, and what brand? I'd like to wear jeans again, but my last few attempts have been... unsuccessful. 6' tall and 250lbs, for reference.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I keep falling asleep because I get up at 2 30 am to get ready for work and then I hate breakfast and run around all day, and I don't eat again till about 4pm at best.

Buy a dozen eggs. Hardboil 6 of them* and take one or two to work with you everyday. Eat when hungry or you have two minutes. Make more when you eat the last one. Buy more when you finish the dozen. Repeat.

Eggs are relatively cheap, small and easy to port/ pack, require no prep once boiled, and, being high-key protein, provide good, sustained, low-key energy so you're not dead from going a full day working with no sustenance. If you hate the taste, you can eat them in two bites and will still get the benefit.

*

Spoiler: Microsteps

Get a pot and fill 1/3-1/2-way with water. Add raw eggs (in shell) to water. Salt the water. Make sure water is a few cm over the tops of the eggs. Cover, turn on high and bring to a boil**. It won't take more than 5 - 10 minutes to get to a hard boil. Once boiling, turn off the heat, set a timer for 14-15 minutes, and leave the covered pot with the eggs and water in it on the hot (but off) burner.

During the 14-15 minutes, get a big bowl/container and add a ton of ice plus cold water. When the timer goes off, spoon out the eggs straight into the ice bath. (It doesn't matter if some cracked and there are egg bits sticking out of the shell.) Dump the remaining hot water. Let eggs stay in the ice bath until at least cool. Set a timer for an hour or two if you might forget. It won't hurt anything if it goes longer.

When eggs are coolish, get a glass or plastic container with a tight lid (you can use a glass, just be sure to cover well or you'll be wearing water; a paper towel and your hand can do in a pinch). Put a couple of the eggs in the container with some of the cold water and cover/ put on the lid. Shake the lidded container hard for 20 seconds or so.

Open container, pull out an egg. Shell will have cracks or will have started to come off or apart in places (if not, just roll it on a hard surface with a little pressure, or hit the bottom on the hard surface).

Start pulling off the shell. The salt + ice bath will likely mean that the shell comes off really easily and in big/connected pieces. Rinse eggs and rub off any remaining shell or membrane. Set on paper towel and blot water. Repeat for rest of boiled eggs.

Put deshelled, rinsed eggs in bowl or container and put in the frig. Grab a couple + a couple paper towels on your way out the door each morning. Easy to eat, nothing but the towels to throw away.

** An even better way is steaming them, but let's keep it simple.

If you like mayonnaise and aren't watching calories, chop up some boiled eggs, throw in a bowl, add mayo and paprika to taste, salt if you want. Boom, egg salad. Cover and keep in frig for dinners or snacks. Eatable with a fork or spoon or w/e. High protein, high fat, very low/ no carb. Or make a sandwich of it. If you're feeling bold, a crisp couple of leaves of romaine are a nice counter to the soft salad. But plain is fine.

 

[Lycalopex]

Overall I'm doing okay, but the anxiety never really goes away. Especially given I thrive on caffeine. I fucking love cold brew, but every time I have it that anxiety goes from an annoying background frequency to internal screaming.

 

[Clitonium]

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm attracted to things I can't have.

I just hate any defeatist attitude, and I feel like admiting that I like things I can't have is basically admitting defeat. I can't let that happen.

I wish I didn't get so caught up in my own thoughts. I wish I wasn't such a dreamer and forward thinker.

I wish I could just live in the moment, I wish I wasn't so awfully intense with everything. I wish I could be a moderate person, I wish I wasn't such a ravenous independent, a maverick.

I wish I could be like other people. I wish I could fit in with other people.

I wish I wasn't so obsessed with legacy. Their was a time, a brief, quick time where I didn't care about legacy. It didn't last long as I believed I was wasting myself, abandoning my ideas, soul, baby. At the exact same time I think all my ideas are terrible, that I need essentially a retard wrangler to insure that whatever is made is something good or at least vaguely okay.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore, or

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker

Thanks D.P, I appreciate the hot egg FAQ. It's a shame we aren't flat mates you sound like a good cook.

One minor issue with eggs is that they stink bad when you take them out of your bag. A guy I used to work with ate boiled eggs at his desk.

I'll have to try that one day if I get the chance, it's not likely to be something I can figure out the complexities of in the short term though.

I think my energy levels are so low that I have to keep eating as simple and quick as possible. I feel like I'm lacking something extremely important. Maybe it's sleep, or maybe it's sunshine. Not certain but I am about to fall asleep standing up.

 

[Lukie]

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm attracted to things I can't have.

I just hate any defeatist attitude, and I feel like admiting that I like things I can't have is basically admitting defeat. I can't let that happen.

I wish I didn't get so caught up in my own thoughts. I wish I wasn't such a dreamer and forward thinker.

I wish I could just live in the moment, I wish I wasn't so awfully intense with everything. I wish I could be a moderate person, I wish I wasn't such a ravenous independent, a maverick.

I wish I could be like other people. I wish I could fit in with other people.

I wish I wasn't so obsessed with legacy. Their was a time, a brief, quick time where I didn't care about legacy. It didn't last long as I believed I was wasting myself, abandoning my ideas, soul, baby. At the exact same time I think all my ideas are terrible, that I need essentially a retard wrangler to insure that whatever is made is something good or at least vaguely okay.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore, or

Take heed my friend.

 

[Imp]

Went to get ready for work this morning, found I only had one pair of trousers in the wardrobe - a pair of black slacks from Uniqlo. This isn't because my wife doesn't do laundry, but rather because I'm a husky weightlifter with gigantic thighs and ass. That said, bigger guys - where do you buy your pants, and what brand? I'd like to wear jeans again, but my last few attempts have been... unsuccessful. 6' tall and 250lbs, for reference.

Try ballroom jeans from Duluth Trading in relaxed fit. They work for my husband of similar build.

really bad day. My A1c is 6,4, officially diabeetees. I know I'm fat lol but this is a real blow. I'm going to get it treated, unlike Chins, but today I can't eat anything since I saw the results, also unlike Chins. Motherfucker.