How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Finally decided that I’m tired of being scared to leave my house and constantly thinking that I’m dying of every disease in existence, so I’m taking a low dose of lexapro.
I know it’s just placebo this early on but having a quiet mind that’s not constantly filled with negative and scary thoughts is incredible 🥲

I’ve also decided to start tackling the baby weight I put on at the same time, mainly through a big calorie deficit. My biggest problem has always been drinking waaaay too much soda, and so far I haven’t had any in over 24hrs. I’ve got horrible shakes and a pounding headache from the caffeine withdraw but I’m wanting to push through it and ditch the dependency along with the pop

For the first time in such a long time I’m feeling good about things, I hope I can continue to feel this way
 
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My buddy's little kids are getting old enough to recognize something is wrong with me. They were laughing at me and their dad told them to stop, and I could see the wheels clicking. I felt like I should have said something but I didn't know what, and I haven't talked it over with my buddy either.


Currently my own niece is a baby but it really worries me. My buddy is understanding, but my niece's mother and the rest of my birth and adoptive family have never really recovered. I don't want them to teach her to be afraid of me like they are.

That's the funny thing about "acceptance" that I think people never talk about. My current workplace and my friends all accept me and I rarely think about it, it's nbd. But every new job, every new person, and every new in-law or baby is a relationship with a hurdle in it. Sometimes I just want to stay home. I am absolutely sure my retarded bottle-baby cat has no idea that I look funny.

For some reason I've got this idea that new furniture would make me happy. I don't have a very good table for my projects.
 
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Trying to get my driving license as well as being incredibly nervous because I don't know what vocational training I want to study.

also doing a lot of paperwork with things related to my psychologists and therapists.
 
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My mom got some bags of garlic knots. I love garlic knots so I'm about to eat them. I was gonna follow the directions on the bag like I usually do, but it told me to just put the whole bag in the oven and that's fucking crazy, so I got the baking sheet out. We'll see how good these 'bag knots' are in like 12 minutes. I'll tell you guys how it goes.
 
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Core Theorist said:
My mom got some bags of garlic knots. I love garlic knots so I'm about to eat them. I was gonna follow the directions on the bag like I usually do, but it told me to just put the whole bag in the oven and that's fucking crazy, so I got the baking sheet out. We'll see how good these 'bag knots' are in like 12 minutes. I'll tell you guys how it goes.
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They were pretty decent. I cooked them a bit too long though so their bottoms were a little crunchy. Still good.
 
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I am fucking FURIOUS. EVERY. SINGLE THING that could have gone wrong with my computer upgrade, has.

First, after getting everything built, the computer wouldn't post, with the ram debug led being lit.

Fantastic. I'll buy some different ram and an identical cpu to see if either of those are the problem.

Different ram. Same issue. Different cpu of same model, same issue. Confirmed, it's a motherboard issue. Now not only do I have to return the motherboard, but the duplicate cpu and different memory. And I have to buy a new motherboard. Fantastic.

So I figure while I'm waiting for all that to be sorted, I'll rebuild my current rig. Big mistake. Cpu pins are now somehow bent and won't fully insert into the socket.fuck my life. I half build it just to see if it will post. Mistake number 2. It doesn't power on so I reseat the power cables... While the power supply is on.

At this point, I'm beyond fed up, because I didn't take proper care and attention and patience reassembling my old rig, my motherboard and psu are most likely fried and I just don't care anymore.

I've thrown my hands up and resigned myself to being confined to my phone until the new new parts get here and I can return the old new parts.

I am BEYOND livid, not just at the whole situation but with myself for being impatient and careless. I've just given up at this point, I no longer care, there's nothing else I can do now but sit on my hands waiting for the new parts.

I will be SO happy when this nightmare of a project is finally finished.
 
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Ratboy Genius said:
Really been struggling with a bad habit of napping daily. It's to the point where I give myself a little treat for pulling an alldayer. But even that rarely works. Feels like I'm always exhausted. If anyone has tips for fixing this lmk
(:_(
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Save caffeine for 2-3 pm. Im the same way though and then i end up being awake all night if i take a nap.
 
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Brett DeLawyer said:
I am having a Medical Event™ that superstition dictates I am not allowed to speak about until April. It is physically destroying me way more than last time, I am the most irritable I have ever been in my life, and have no one to talk to about it.

I want to peel someone’s face off and make someone else wear it like I’m in a gotdang Mexican cartel and I have no idea how to mitigate this feel. No one to talk to that will listen, no caffeine, no tylenol or similar pain relief meds, no smokes, no sleep (thank you toddler,) no hot baths, every smell is horrible, every food tastes horrible, I have lost 10lbs in a month without trying because everything is disgusting. Too cold to do anything outside. Too tired to move.

I know I asked for this, God, but why nearly every possible awfulness is dialed up to 11 right now I would really like to know.
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breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out
and whatever you do, don't think about watching slow motion pimple popping videos on youtube.
 
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Going to politsperg a bit here. I detest living in industrial society, I don’t think I (or most people) can truly be content in this environment, it’s a complete evolutionary mismatch. I can get by from doing surrogate activities (like browsing Kiwifarms) but it will never be truly fulfilling activities. I read Uncle Ted first a few years ago, at first I thought he was completely wrong and disliked him, but over time I saw his way and how he was completely correct about almost everything. I’m trying to save up to buy rural land in Maine or Montana and just live mostly off-grid. By my current estimations it will be at least 2-3 years of living extremely frugally before I can afford some land. But I’m paranoid some company will gobble up all the land before I can buy anything. I play the lottery in a vain attempt to win something.
 
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Pretty god damned good. I accomplished a good amount today offline and am getting my super filthy air ducts cleaned tomorrow, which has been on my to do list for over 3 years. Actually seeing the first gains in my very recent endeavor to improve my health and managed to make a small amount of money in the market this week. A very small amount, but it's not a loss.
 
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I finally resolved an issue with a project that I was being eaten alive over at work. Still not done but its downhill/easy to complete from here and people should stop bitching.
I think I figured out how to ease some of the pain I get in my ankle when squatting.
Things are pretty damn good right now. Looking forward to summer and getting back in the water.
 
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If anyone needed to see this--you did well today. You did your best even if it doesn't feel like it.
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I read a quote today that I really liked: "No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place." I think it means that nothing is arbitrary or fortuitous. I've been turning it around in my head like an interesting rock, trying to figure it out more and more.
 
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3.5 weeks until I get off of night shift, somebody please blow my head off. Want to get my Network+ cert before then. I'll have the first week off via paid leave so I'll have 9 days to myself that I can spend harassing people on the internet which is pretty cool. One of my team leads came in at 2 am yesterday to train us a little bit since we don't do shit on nights and I didn't have any huge hang ups so I still got what it takes, thankfully.

I think I'll start college in June - I have my GI bill still and with the housing stipend it gives me I'll be making the equivalent of $150k.

Also I spent $120 on a 10qt lunch box, 1.1qt thermos and a 18oz food jar from Stanley and I realized I needed to get the 1qt thermos for it to fit in the lunch box so fuck me I guess. """"only"""" $40 so I guess I'll have two of them.
 
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Just sent a bunch of the Kanye tweets typed out to my gf after she asked me what he was saying last night. The read receipt goes off before I provided pictures of him posting it. I am sweating bullets. Did I just blow up my relationship by accident?
 
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