How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[NoBueno]

I scratched my hand and its been bleeding for 30 minutes, just clot you bitch

 

[The Decimator]

“How am I doing?”

 

[Terf Miku]

My Dad died yesterday. I'm in my early twenties and feel like I've been robbed. He was quite old compared to most people's Dads my age but it still feels so unfair. He wasn't the best Dad ever but is still the only one I'll ever have. I can't bear that so much more of my life will be lived without him than with him. I wanted the chance to do something with my life for him to be proud of before he went. I hate that he'll never get to see any of those potential accomplishments or life milestones now. Truly feel like a piece of my heart has been hacked off. I just need to believe in Heaven so I can think I can see him again, or that he can still see me now. I'm sorry Dad and rest well.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Not good. I've been trying to get by normally as possible, but I'm not doing well emotionally or physically. Past several months have been taking their toll. I don't feel well.

 

[Baumstriezel]

It is so fucking hot right now my kiggas (kiwi niggas) I’m sweating in body parts I didn’t even knew I had. It feels like there’s sweat collecting between the folds of my brain.

 

[Kit Marz]

Just was at the tire shop Thursday. Had one leaking air, there was a nail in a place that couldn't be patched so I had to buy a brand new tire. That was like $250. Friday evening get in the car to go out and a different tire was low. Aired it up at the gas station, but it was leaking so fast I could watch it dropping by 1 psi about every 30 seconds. Now I have to wait until fucking Monday and probably have to buy another god damned tire. This will be the sixth tire since October that I've replaced. I'm just done at this point.

Is there a Discount Tire in your area? They have a warranty on their tires that is very good. I had a tire explode on me and they replaced it for free. I just needed to pay the $15 to have the new tire covered by the warranty

 

[Mesh Gear Fox]

Is there a Discount Tire in your area? They have a warranty on their tires that is very good. I had a tire explode on me and they replaced it for free. I just needed to pay the $15 to have the new tire covered by the warranty

I went to Tire Discounters. Yeah, it can get confusing keeping the two straight in my head. It wasn't the same tire I just had put on. I was actually able to get in today (Saturday). When I put the spare on, there was a screw in the tread. I was so happy to see that because I knew it could be patched and wouldn't have to spends hundreds more on a new tire. Even though it wasn't the same tire, the guy wrote it up as a warranty anyway and didn't charge me anything. You couldn't imagine how grateful I was to the dude, I thanked him profusely.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I harvested 5 carrots from my bed. It was a shit harvest and the most bitter part was that the carrots were really good. They had the most flavor of any carrot I've ever had I think. Almost spicy like a radish, but also very sweet and earthy. Rabbits dream of these carrots. But the seed just didn't really germinate well.

Spoiler: blibl gains sympathy for his friend

I had a bit of a "growing up" moment. For the first time in my life, some of the people in my friend group are actually younger than me. One of the guys is 20 and reminds me of where I was at about 18: freshly out of a shitty household, basically broke, no idea what I'm doing with life. His father was violent against him and so he's been tweaking for the past week about how triggering all the Father's Day stuff is, like when your phone gives you notifications for Father's Day sales etc.

It's been annoying me how he often makes himself out as "I'm the guy in this room who had an abusive parent" because out of my friend group, I think only one or two people actually have father figures in their lives LOL, and several of them don't know who their father even is. He seriously can't go a single hour without making reference to the fact his father was a bad person.

But I just had a big shift and suddenly felt sympathy when I realized he is actually younger than me and that I was being almost jealous or something. It's not appropriate to be like, "How dare you feel hurt, other people feel hurt" and that's what I was doing. I was thinking about how I'm pretty sure telling him my story would do nothing and he wouldn't really be receptive to it, and then I felt sympathy about that, because when I was younger I also had no interest in other people's sob stories. I realized how recent all his stuff must feel to him, in his life. I thought about how I felt when I was at my lowest, and how I felt when I felt like all I had was a hand of shitty cards.

I still think the way he behaves is immature but yeah he just is. I just have to be nice to him about it because he seriously has to find his own path. I used to run out of the room when I heard certain songs, so who am I to judge other people's weaknesses?

I did try telling him about myself once (He was asking me questions), and he really freaked out, instantly wanting to know names and asking "Why would they do that?" and it was clear I had to back off it. I think it's funny because a lot of my friend group is vets/military/infantry and they are all a lot more... worldly about stuff like violence. I get used to it and forget that some of them can't handle the topic too well. I think the only people I can ever really get close to are people who are mature enough to understand my situation, or people who are naturally good-hearted enough to intuitively be chill. It's funny because obviously there's been plenty of violence in his life, it's not like he doesn't understand it- but he's just still in that "why would this happen/how could this happen to me?" stage. I just have to be nice to him.

 

[56 others]

My washing machine broke permanently and I spent 3 weeks going to the laundromat because I just didnt want to deal with disposing it and getting a new one. Yesterday I finally got off my ass and the whole ordeal took 2 hours. I dont get what my fucking motivation problem is.

 

[Nick Obre]

Met a new wöman. Had a date with her last night, it was good, she's nice and chill. We seem compatible. But I'm taking things slower this time, learned my lesson from the last two. Still, I'll probably see her on Wednesday again, she showed me a local band she likes (and it's pretty good) and they'll be playing at a bar that day, so we'll try to go see it.

Still waiting on previous wöman's test results (to remember, she had a serious, potentially life-changing health scare that led her to cut the relationship short, and the test results are coming near the end of the month). We had left the door somewhat ajar to pick things up again if it turns out to be a false alarm or something manageable, but... no, I won't. I already did my time with the kind of person who shuts you out when things get though, regardless of how much you try to be there to support them. I won't go down that hatch again.
I hope to God she'll be fine, that it's nothing, and that she'll be healthy and happy. But I know how that relationship will play out if I take up on it again and I don't want it.

So here's to chill wöman, to managed expectations, and to taking things easy.

 

[obsdj]

I already did my time with the kind of person who shuts you out when things get though, regardless of how much you try to be there to support them. I won't go down that hatch again.
I hope to God she'll be fine, that it's nothing, and that she'll be healthy and happy. But I know how that relationship will play out if I take up on it again and I don't want it.

You're literally doing the exact same thing she did. You're not the only person who wants to protect themselves from getting hurt, you know.

 

[Nick Obre]

You're literally doing the exact same thing she did. You're not the only person who wants to protect themselves from getting hurt, you know.

I disagree completely. It's different to shut someone (who wants to stand by you and help you through the difficulties) out of your life, and deciding not to restart something that you know is not gonna work.

To be clear, I respect her decision, and can even agree with it to a degree. I can't say with full certainty I wouldn't do the same in her position.
But I'm setting my own boundary here. And in any case, the notion of resuming the relationship was something we mentioned as a far maybe. It most likely wouldn't happen even if we were open to it.

 

[Terf Miku]

I'm not coping well with the fact it's Father's Day today. I had thought about going out to take my mind off things then remembered all the stuff in shops that would be there and I don't think I could handle it. I was planning to get a card and maybe something nice for my Dad for today. Now he's gone and it just hurts too much.

Spoiler: Feels

I just want him back. There are too many things I didn't get to say, things I wanted to tell him. That I'd forgiven for him for his mistakes, that it was all in the past now and didn't matter. That I know he tried his best to be a good Dad in his own way, and that I loved him in spite of everything. I also wanted to tell him what my future plans and goals are, to attempt to salvage the remains of my life and make something of it.

But I could never find the right time or the right words. I knew it would be painful to get the words out and it would bring me back to lots of emotions and memories I'd repressed. I also knew I was running out of time. I should have done it, but I didn't, and now I never can.

I can't cope with knowing I have to carry this regret forever. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself or move on from it. I miss him so much and nothing can ever replace him. A chunk of my world has disappeared and now it feels so empty.

It almost doesn't feel worth striving for anything now. I don't care about achieving anything if my Dad can't be here to see it. I don't care about recognition or praise from strangers. I just want my parents, my family to be proud of me, to feel like there's meaning to me being here. I don't want to be a part of this world. I don't care about it when my Dad isn't in it anymore.

 

[Nick Obre]

I'm not coping well with the fact it's Father's Day today. I had thought about going out to take my mind off things then remembered all the stuff in shops that would be there and I don't think I could handle it. I was planning to get a card and maybe something nice for my Dad for today. Now he's gone and it just hurts too much.

Spoiler: Feels

I just want him back. There are too many things I didn't get to say, things I wanted to tell him. That I'd forgiven for him for his mistakes, that it was all in the past now and didn't matter. That I know he tried his best to be a good Dad in his own way, and that I loved him in spite of everything. I also wanted to tell him what my future plans and goals are, to attempt to salvage the remains of my life and make something of it.

But I could never find the right time or the right words. I knew it would be painful to get the words out and it would bring me back to lots of emotions and memories I'd repressed. I also knew I was running out of time. I should have done it, but I didn't, and now I never can.

I can't cope with knowing I have to carry this regret forever. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself or move on from it. I miss him so much and nothing can ever replace him. A chunk of my world has disappeared and now it feels so empty.

It almost doesn't feel worth striving for anything now. I don't care about achieving anything if my Dad can't be here to see it. I don't care about recognition or praise from strangers. I just want my parents, my family to be proud of me, to feel like there's meaning to me being here. I don't want to be a part of this world. I don't care about it when my Dad isn't in it anymore.

I'm so sorry, my lad. I can only offer you a figurative hug.

If it's any consolation, reading you got me to call my dad just now.

 

[Terf Miku]

I'm so sorry, my lad. I can only offer you a figurative hug.

If it's any consolation, reading you got me to call my dad just now.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

If anything good can come out of this it's if other people can learn from my mistakes. I hope everyone else takes the opportunity to appreciate their loved ones whilst they're still here, even if you have some issues with them and don't always see eye to eye. I didn't really understand what I had until I lost it unfortunately.

 

[Lone Wandering Courier]

Sometimes I think I feel worse during the summer than during the winter and I'm not really sure why.

 

[Lev El Shmeckle]

Hawt BUT ALSO cold on these damn nights here where I am right now.
Still love this job for it pay good enough, kids happy means i'm happy.

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

I've been sober for about 2 months, not including a couple relapses (of which I regretted in the hangover stage, which is great) and I've went from 200lbs to 188 just by not facefucking a handle of liquor with soda. I think I'm still in the water weight stage (I went from 195 to 188 in 10 days at only a 1900 daily calorie limit)

However my sleep schedules been fucked and I've been skipping out on the gym so I hope I don't look like a holocaust survivor by the end of this, guess I'll start up again.

Also my favorite lolcow (Cyraxx) has been boring as fuck since his a-log died D:

 

[Lovely Kin]

Planned to go to a restaurant with my dad for dinner, he canceled because he doesn't feel well. Spent some time with him at his house and he admits to me he's miserable and just waiting to die. He's given up

 

[WASR96]

Went to my parents place for Father's Day. I got him a fridge/kegerator combo and set it up for him. Was a pretty good day until my extended family showed up. They've done nothing but tip-toe around and attempt to coddle me since they found out I'm sick and it's starting to get on my nerves. I don't want to be treated like some fragile child who has a month to live, I just want to have normal conversations and live like everything's okay for a little while. Work has started doing the same thing. The reduced workload has had the opposite intended effect because I hate having nothing to do. I knocked out what they gave me on Friday in 24 minutes. My friend group is the only people who have been business as usual with me lately. If I wasn't waiting for updates on surgery this week, I'd take off to go see them and escape all this for a bit.