How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I am sleepy and slightly hung over
A homeless spickoid of some variety broke into our building last night and ate some rice barehanded leaving a huge mess and started banging on doors
Police took an hour and a half to arrive
This neighborhood is crawling with cops generally but couldn’t get a cop to show up when we needed one
They told me they’d only have been able to kick him out, nothing more and that I have to get the super to replace the doors and locks (old building, glass doors, comically easy to force them open).
Now I’ve got to beef with the fucking building manager
Fucking Chicago, dirty shithole town
The Midwest sucks
the people are disgusting to see and perverse
They prefer things disorderly and corrupt and inefficient
Betonhaus said:
I generally make a list of tasks I want to get done in the day and do my best to get them done first thing so I can relax the rest of the day. After that it gets hard to sleep in much unless i have absolutely nothing to do.
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Make that list before you go to sleep it’s a motivator to get up and so stuff when you have it
 
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Lately I've been sort of struggling with a lot of things and it's led me back into being addicted to staying inside and on the internet. I know I shouldn't, but socializing at this point just seems so pointless. I feel like I get laughed at for even trying or make a fool of myself. I'm incredibly awkward and my confidence has just been shit since October of last year.

I got my job back, and school is going well, but there's this ever permeating sense of fucking loneliness that just consumes me on a daily basis. I try to go out and talk to people but I always manage to seem so uninterested when really I'm just incredibly awkward and fucking autistic and can't make eye contact.

Therapy costing me a million fucking dollars doesnt help either, as I barely have money to go and do things I like anymore. And I do most of my reading on my phone. So I'm not even sure where to begin. Maybe Jogging? Idk Ill figure it out.
 
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Ratboy Genius said:
Friends, may I get some advice? I've been having super serious trouble with oversleeping. Especially the mental part of it--persuading myself to get out of bed. What do you tell yourself, or what trick do you do? Counting to five or whatever doesn't work for me anymore. I'm as snug as a bug in a rug.
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Do you hit the snooze bar? Just forbid that shit. Set the alarm for when you intend to get up and then actually get up.
 
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AnOminous said:
Do you hit the snooze bar? Just forbid that shit. Set the alarm for when you intend to get up and then actually get up.
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Unfortunately I am both able and willing to ignore my alarm. For a while I tried plugging in my phone (my phone is my alarm) on the far side of the room, so that when the alarm went off, I'd have to get up to turn it off. But that endeavor failed because the alarm woke me up and I deliberately chose to ignore it almost every single time. On the occasions that this DID work, I just got right back into bed after shutting off the alarm. Needless to say, it's a psychological thing I think. (:_(

Does anyone know a very easy (and ideally free) way to set a song or video as your alarm? On iphone please... I'm wondering if maybe using a song I despise would be effective
 
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Ratboy Genius said:
Unfortunately I am both able and willing to ignore my alarm. For a while I tried plugging in my phone (my phone is my alarm) on the far side of the room, so that when the alarm went off, I'd have to get up to turn it off. But that endeavor failed because the alarm woke me up and I deliberately chose to ignore it almost every single time. On the occasions that this DID work, I just got right back into bed after shutting off the alarm. Needless to say, it's a psychological thing I think. (:_(

Does anyone know a very easy (and ideally free) way to set a song or video as your alarm? On iphone please... I'm wondering if maybe using a song I despise would be effective
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I set three alarms. One 15 minutes before I need to be up, one 5 minutes, and my final "you better have your ass in gear" alarm. When I started this, it was to sort of psychologically trick myself into thinking I'm getting the "just 5 more minutes" rest without paying for it. Now I'm good about actually getting up on the first alarm which gives me time to make breakfast before I get ready for work. I'm not sure if iPhone has Zedge, but I used that to download some custom alarm sounds.

Thread tax: Had my first date with the in resident doc tonight. Went great. We made more plans for Saturday. Hoping my actual doc hurries up with the tests to see if I can finally enter surveillance. My workplace needs some of us to go down to Florida in October and I want to be on that trip.
 
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Ratboy Genius said:
Unfortunately I am both able and willing to ignore my alarm. For a while I tried plugging in my phone (my phone is my alarm) on the far side of the room, so that when the alarm went off, I'd have to get up to turn it off. But that endeavor failed because the alarm woke me up and I deliberately chose to ignore it almost every single time. On the occasions that this DID work, I just got right back into bed after shutting off the alarm. Needless to say, it's a psychological thing I think. (:_(

Does anyone know a very easy (and ideally free) way to set a song or video as your alarm? On iphone please... I'm wondering if maybe using a song I despise would be effective
Click to expand...
Keep the phone away so to turn the alarm off you'd have to get up and walk to it, getting back into bed will be harder.
 
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Fuckin words words words sorry. Will probably delete out of shame as I’m wont to do.

Felt a little sassy and asked for a white woman while getting a referral to a therapist. Been doing pretty bad the last several months, searching through long lists of names has been overwhelming and I figured, if I’m finally going to have someone help me find one I might as well do it right. I don’t think I could ever be fully comfortable and honest with a nonwhite therapist, period. I’m not turboracist (yet), I can handle an Indian physician and so on. But this is just too intimate. At best I’d be constantly reminded how unhappy I am under the cult of multiculturalism, surrounded by people I feel alienated from every single day. I wish I could get into it here but racial tension is actually a real problem in my everyday life and even with a white therapist I probably couldn’t get into it. I did not wake up racist one day, it’s more like the tolerance I was taught was slowly ground under the wheels of experience. I’m certain black women complain to their therapists about racism they experience—it’s only we who suffer quietly.

Anyway, after a few days said they were having trouble honoring my request. They probably want me to feel embarrassed. I’m too miserable to care. I really should just move but that takes a lot more energy than I have. Am I spilling my guts here? Yeah. But where the fuck else can I say this? I’ll pore through the lists and find someone myself eventually, every task is just a slog.
fist_of_khonshu said:
Lately I've been sort of struggling with a lot of things and it's led me back into being addicted to staying inside and on the internet. I know I shouldn't, but socializing at this point just seems so pointless. I feel like I get laughed at for even trying or make a fool of myself. I'm incredibly awkward and my confidence has just been shit since October of last year.
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At a certain point you realize the shame of trying to socialize hurts more than the loneliness does. I post a lot more than I used to, probably too much, because life is shit and stickers don’t hurt. I live in that space where I’m capable enough to hold a job down but not enough to put the rest of my life together. Wish I knew how to fix it. I guess by getting a therapist. But there’s a little problem…
 
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