How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
I'm wary about considering people 'generally smart', but even seeing educated health professionals get on these meds and literally just thinking "nah ill stay disciplined after I quit" is nuts. I went from 105 to 85 by eating less and Ive since almost hated eating in general. The weight loss is secondary.
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When I lost 20 pounds thanks to ozempic I realised how much of a boon it is to be slimmer. I could walk faster, I didn't waddle and I could see I lost fat in my face.
I wanna get there again, I've been really fucking lazy thanks to autumn/winter but soon local produce will be available and I don't have to feel bad for eating vegetables and fruit because of carbon footprints and prices in general.

Seriously. Calories In, Calories Out works. You can be a sedentary fuck as long as you keep your total daily intake in a deficit. I don't recommend being a sedentary fuck because it blows and your life in general will be worse for it, simple exercise is vital.
My big problem isn't CICO or exercise as much as it's the meds I'm on. I don't want to be super model skinny or meth skinny, I just want to have a normal blood pressure and be able to take a flight of stairs without getting winded. My meds fuck my sense of hunger/sense of satiation and adds even more food noise in my head, so ozempic feels like a "must" to combat my other meds, and while I absolutely LOATHE the idea of being on even more medicine, it helps a ton! That said, I could really stand to unlearn some bad behaviours and habits that I have, like snacking in general or eating when bored.
It's possible to have snacks, just swap them out with veggies and fruit. I like rice cakes and I found some triangular rice cake chips in lidl that taste great, that I can eat in moderation together with a plate of cucumber and carrot sticks.

Can it be summer soon, please. I wanna eat watermelon.
 
Whoever said life gets easier with age, and people become less judgmental is a lying turbonigger and needs to become an hero.

But seriously, the expectations just mount more and more, day by day and people absolutely do notice when you're dragging behind.

It also just ruins any sort of fun I could be having because people notice holes in my life whenever I try to make conversation beyond the depth of "the weather".

I've been forcing myself to go out to bars and shit and I'm genuinely 10x more depressed from it. My anxiety is gone and all I'm realizing is the world really did suck and I really am just that fucking broken of a man.

I don't know I guess, I guess I'll obsess with flight training and stuff but fuck having any sort of life outside of work. That's for normal people. Not spergs. We're just good little worker drones who aren't allowed to enjoy humanity and shit.

I just want to experience a social life, I'd happily slave the hell away if it meant I got to not be a robot for a day.

I can't sleep.
 
I was supposed to have an appointment at the psych ward today but my ride was delayed and as such, I couldn't make it.
I hate that I'm so reliant on others to taxi me back and forth. I could have walked to the hospital, it's like 30 minutes away for a fit person but I am neither fit, nor did I expect I would have had to walk there because I had made plans to get picked up.
I wanna save up for a bike with a basket big enough for my dog, though I don't know how long it'd take me to save up for a bike nevermind finding one that can fit my 17kg small-medium sized dog.

Lesson is: don't rely on others for anything you could feasibly do yourself, and get a fucking drivers license if you are able.
I'm gonna take a nap, I'm too emotional for anything else.
 
Rekeita's Kidneys said:
We're just good little worker drones who aren't allowed to enjoy humanity and shit.
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Yeh, pretty much how I feel about things in general. It is what it is.
Except I don't even want to experience a "social life". I just want a fellow humanity hating fem-drone to mald together with.
But I also think things do get easier with age, you kind of care less the older you get.
 
Went for a walk with my dad, talking jobs and doomerisms. Helped my nerves a bit; life blows, humanity blows, housing market blows, and working -any- job is a blessing in this day and age.

I'll look forward to my new-old job in manual labor and hope to find purpose in other ways. Maybe by BLOWING in a dame! Haha
long waters said:
Yeh, pretty much how I feel about things in general. It is what it is.
Except I don't even want to experience a "social life". I just want a fellow humanity hating fem-drone to mald together with.
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Hating women is the only pick-me I accept as long as it's genuine. To be able to call a woman a clown means severance from the hivemind and they need protection from fellow womb-cultists in a man's arms.

No matter how shit it gets, having a safespace at home must be a blessing lest she's a harlot in which case it'd be hell. It's hard to have standards with few prospects.
PetiteFeet said:
I hate that I'm so reliant on others to taxi me back and forth
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I got a car "So you can drive others around! Haha", and "A bigger bed so people can crash at your place!"
>Neither ever happened
 
PetiteFeet said:
When I lost 20 pounds thanks to ozempic I realised how much of a boon it is to be slimmer. I could walk faster, I didn't waddle and I could see I lost fat in my face.
I wanna get there again, I've been really fucking lazy thanks to autumn/winter but soon local produce will be available and I don't have to feel bad for eating vegetables and fruit because of carbon footprints and prices in general.

Seriously. Calories In, Calories Out works. You can be a sedentary fuck as long as you keep your total daily intake in a deficit. I don't recommend being a sedentary fuck because it blows and your life in general will be worse for it, simple exercise is vital.
My big problem isn't CICO or exercise as much as it's the meds I'm on. I don't want to be super model skinny or meth skinny, I just want to have a normal blood pressure and be able to take a flight of stairs without getting winded. My meds fuck my sense of hunger/sense of satiation and adds even more food noise in my head, so ozempic feels like a "must" to combat my other meds, and while I absolutely LOATHE the idea of being on even more medicine, it helps a ton! That said, I could really stand to unlearn some bad behaviours and habits that I have, like snacking in general or eating when bored.
It's possible to have snacks, just swap them out with veggies and fruit. I like rice cakes and I found some triangular rice cake chips in lidl that taste great, that I can eat in moderation together with a plate of cucumber and carrot sticks.

Can it be summer soon, please. I wanna eat watermelon.
Click to expand...
I tried writing an article writing about how excercise will make people feel better but it was rejected by kiwis at large (teehee large). But there is truth in what I wrote. You will feel mentally better and people will start to talk to you.
 
Fucking fuming because my health care provider gives me the run around on something i should have access to by law, hung up on customer service mid-conversation because if i stayed on any longer i would've hurled endless abuse at the fucking retard i was connected with. Normally i don't get this stressed out but this is something that is important for once. I'll go to their offices in person tomorrow and i am fully prepared to be escorted out by security eventually. I swear the word "service" does not exist in the German language.
 
officially home from convention. even though my legs are very sore, walking up the stairs to my bedroom felt sooo easy. for context: i live a very sedentary lifestyle and my body is really frail, but for con i was walking like 10k steps a day for 4 days. would not do again
 
Cups2Cups said:
I tried writing an article writing about how excercise will make people feel better but it was rejected by kiwis at large (teehee large). But there is truth in what I wrote. You will feel mentally better and people will start to talk to you.
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100% the truth. Being fit and healthy, and slim, is how you win in life. Don't be fat and lazy. It's really fucking simple.
People think I'm stupid as shit because I'm fat. While I partially agree with them, I'm not retarded levels of stupid. People treat me like I'm beneath them because I'm fat. Very few people actually respect you on a surface level if you're obese.
I disagree with "Healthy at any size" and other fat activist shticks, but at the end of the day I just want someone to be ugly and naked with that loves me for me.
Neurotypical Mantis said:
officially home from convention. even though my legs are very sore, walking up the stairs to my bedroom felt sooo easy. for context: i live a very sedentary lifestyle and my body is really frail, but for con i was walking like 10k steps a day for 4 days. would not do again
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enjoy the post-con depression that'll hit you in a bit. Rest those leggy limbs, and then go to attend a con in the future again. Cons are some of the most fun I've had, but it's been a hot minute since I last went to one.
 
Frustrated in general.

Nothing terrible, I'm ok and in fact better in many ways than I've been in some time, but still frustrated at several things in life.

Frustrated with work and money.
I work as a freelancer mainly with one company (used to be two, but the other one went bankrupt and stiffed me with a bit over a grand) and have been trying to update my rates with that company (which I haven't done in over a decade), and they've been passing me around, "raise a ticket here, talk to this person there, oh you're in this division you gotta talk to this other person" and said person doesn't respond. For that company, I work on a stable ongoing (hopefully permanent) project that pays hourly, and on the side I do other tasks for some of their other accounts: those task have all but dried up, so I have less work and make less.
And yet, I actually make a lot, by my country's standards. But I have too many expenses, too many responsibilities, too many debts due to too many bad decisions and inopportune emergencies. I get paid and I go pay all the bills and debts, and do all the transfers I have to do, and I'm left with damn near nothing, having to ration expenses until next pay day, only to repeat. I think "how can I work so much and make so much and be left with so little?" and then I remember mine and two other households depend on me as well and there's no option to change that, at least not for several years yet in one case, and until someone dies on the other.

Counterpoint: a new company was created by someone who left the bankrupt company long before the troubles, and they've contacted me and I'll be getting work from them at some point. Just wish they'd hurry up.

----

Frustrated with relationships.
I'm being shitty here, I'll say it outright.
For the last several weeks I've been seeing this new woman who is really cool and I really like her, and when in person, I think it's pretty clear she likes me too (not to be crude or anything, but every time we've gone out, she's ended up staying the night, and being super affectionate the morning after, until she leaves).
BUT when she's away, when we're talking on messages, she will respond once or twice a day. Some days, not even that. And she'll put a lot of distance in the way she talks, almost formal.
She just turned down an invitation to see a tribute to a band I know she loves.
BUT! I know for a fact it's because she's going through a lot of shit right now: work stuff (2 jobs -one of which she has to travel once a week for- plus a personal project), sorting out and fixing up the place she just moved to, finishing the repairs to her old place which she's renting out, and more.
So in my head I understand she's busy and exhausted all the time.
Doesn't stop me feeling she's not as interested in us as I wish she was. I think "Even this busy, I would make time to talk to her more and maybe go out if things were the other way around". And then I remember some months ago, I was moving to a new place as well, and I was on the talking stages with someone else and I let that fall by the wayside completely because I was so busy and exhausted.
Also, last year I was in a relationship with a very overreactive woman, great in many ways, but she'd freak out if we didn't talk very frequently, like every couple hours; so I think "Am I being a Claudia here?"
I hope this doesn't fizzle out. I'm tired of relationships fizzling out. Again, I'll stress it, I'm the one overthinking right now, she's most likely 100% just busy and tired.

But I just wish, when/if women lose interest, they'd just tell me. The guessing game is exhausting for everyone, and more so for someone as autistic as me.

As a note, it's also frustrating that she used to live within walking distance of me. She moved not too far away but it's between 30 to 45 minutes away now. She even said it on our first date, "it sucks that we've been so close and we met just as I'm moving away". Such is life.

----

Frustrated with myself and my discipline.
I've been doing a bunch of things, intermittent fasting, some exercise, trying to get out of bad habits, work on psychological stuff, etc. But I end up slacking on things, or relapsing.
Not terribly, but stumbles here and there.
I think I need to be kinder with myself, so long as I'm moving in the right direction, even if the path strays sometimes.
And I can tell I'm in a wee bit better shape, and lost a few kilos. So it's ok.

And yet, it still frustrates me that I can't bring myself to be as consistent as I want to be.

And that I can't do some of the things I need to do as part of this, because of the money problems from above.

----

It'll all be OK eventually.
It just takes time.
 
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souschef said:
I think life conspires me to be a teacher. I went to a workshop and my colleagues were too green at the kitchen, went to learn but ended up teaching them instead. Not that i'm complaining... The girl doing it with me was a real cutie, but the dude had some sort of autism and couldn't do shit without my help and complained too much

I missed the shot and didn't get her number. Oh well
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Do you think you'd do well being one? How well do you cook?
souschef said:
Not an IT guy, but in a similar fashion it's good to have a portfolio. I have a lot of buddies on IT and they all say that the way to go is have a github with some projects
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I've heard about it. Maybe I should invest in one, yeah. Cheers.
 
Outer Space Traveller said:
Do you think you'd do well being one? How well do you cook?
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Honestly i think i'd do fine. I'm really enthusiastic about what i do. Teaching is not my career, as it's voluntary work i do on the weekends. I think i have already taught around 60 or so kids on those classes and it's very cool to see them getting better and better. Still, teaching grown ups is easier because, well, they're not kids messing around doing kid's stuff and will follow instructions immediately

As for being a good cook, i'm better than yesterday and worse than tomorrow. I still see plenty of room for improvement but i'm confident in my abilities

Outer Space Traveller said:
I've heard about it. Maybe I should invest in one, yeah. Cheers.
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Github is the main site for programmers to upload their work. I don't speak with the authority of someone in the area, as the most programming related thing that i made was having a very basic grasp on bash while fucking around with linux. But all programmers have one and include their githubs on their curriculums
 
souschef said:
Still, teaching grown ups is easier because, well, they're not kids messing around doing kid's stuff and will follow instructions immediately
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Hahahahhaahahahahaha
breathes
hahhaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha
 
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