How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Overly Serious]

Sometimes it's the little things that catch you. Like finishing a shower and realising you no longer have to put the shower head back down lower. Signs of absence.

But the river only flows one way.

 

[Atticus Carpenter]

I just became a 36-year-old virgin, how do you think I am doing?

You will soon develop magical powers. Don't lose hope.

It's frustrating that my friends don't like the types of video games I play, and I don't like the types of games they play

Same with me. Whenever i meet with friends they constantly talk about playing Horizon: Zero Dawn or they gusy about the gay vampire in Baldur's Gate 3 while i set up sprawling drug operations in Rimworld where i turn space pirates into fuel. It's not about multiplayer or anything it's just that i don't vibe with their definition of "fun" since they are the kind of people that need at RPG to feel like marvelsop.

 

[Getmeout]

I told myself to stop searching up the word "black", "African", or "nigger" on the farms and I'd say I'm feeling a lot better after a week of following that. I still have a lot of black guilt, but it's sorta gone enough to the background to where it's less so a constant painful presence and more so just my new normal. Now when I talk to a white person, it's less so a constant pang in my gut that they're superior and I should apologize and more so a shrug of "Ya, they're superior. When one of them dies it's bad, when one of me dies it's good. Death isn't all that bad anyway.". Just like a big "Oh well" for me now.

I get that incels are an easy target, but let's not pretend that sex doesn't matter. It's the only means we have to continue to exist as a species, and a lack of intimacy is psychologically distressing. Sex is the most personal act two people can do together. You may love your parents, you may love your dog, but a partnership is such a uniquely human experience. I'm honestly amazed by the lack of concern people have when India somehow manages to be the most populous nation in the world, and the US hits a record high for male virginity.

Imo, sex is very very optional, because it's so sacred. It's sorta like when parents would force their kids to read The Bible, and that just made The Bible a laughing stock in the media. When there's pressure to do something special, it's not special anymore, it's pathetic and boring. I think that's what everyone meant, complaining about being a 36 yr old virgin as if your virginity is something to get rid of as fast as humanely possible because sex is just an XBox achievement.

I also really hate society's new stigma surrounding virgins, virgins used to be pillars of temperance and self-control, now they're considered losers cause they didn't get drunk and dry hump some random girl in a broom closet at 19. It's so dumb to me, "Haha! You haven't fornicated!" ????? It's optional, you don't have to have sex. There is intimacy outside of sex, get a friend. Even the beasts copulate, they can't talk to eachother like we can. THAT'S special.

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

I think I'm kind of a loser. I'm interning in an office, but after this I will be starting my 20 years career as a civic servant via nepotism hiring at the same institution that my father and stepmother worked in for their entire life.

I'm happy I have a career right out of college but it also feels like I grow up to be just like my parents.

I still have a lot of black guilt, but it's sorta gone enough to the background to where it's less so a constant painful presence and more so just my new normal.

I didn't know uncle Ruckus has an account here

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

Time to post to bitch about how sleep paralysis made me it’s bitch.
I just woke up from yet another episode that led to a full blown “I’m gonna die” panic attack

Spoiler: Reeee

Almost called the ambulance
Agh

I’m eating healthy, exercising. I’m FIT. I’m sober, and I don’t drink ANY caffeine- I’m doing everything right.

But the god damn ‘tism still fucks with me. I completely blame my ‘tism for the way I handle sleep paralysis because it’s a sensory nightmare. I know plenty of people who get sleep paralysis (runs in my family) and don’t get panic attacks … they just get unnerved by them at best.

Me? I become convinced I’m having a stroke and freak out beyond what is necessary

I’m just shaking and sweating trying to ride it out in the bathroom. I don’t want to wake anyone up. I’m not going to wake anyone else in the house up to deal with this. This is a nothing burger disguised as a crisis.

They’re getting more frequent. Going from once a month to now once a week. Absolutely gay af.

Drew a bit. Hands are still a huge struggle but i better draw thousands of shitty hands to get better at it

Use your own hands in weird complicated poses as reference and also don’t be afraid trace over said photos

But trace them PROPERLY… find the shapes of the hand— the square of the palm, the individual rectangles of the fingers

No shame in tracing hands when you’re starting out. It really makes you become more comfortable with them- like training wheels on a bike.

Also- a weird practice that helps warm you up:
hold up your non dominant hand as a reference and draw it blindly on a piece of paper without lifting your pen/pencil once. Do NOT look down at your drawing while you’re doing it
It should be a QUICK exercise like 30 seconds to a minute. The result will be messy but for some reason it’s really helps loosen you up before drawing
Pose your hand in lots of weird ways and try it. It’s oddly fun.

 

[Atticus Carpenter]

Use your own hands in weird complicated poses as reference and also don’t be afraid trace over said photos

But trace them PROPERLY… find the shapes of the hand— the square of the palm, the individual rectangles of the fingers

No shame in tracing hands when you’re starting out. It really makes you become more comfortable with them- like training wheels on a bike.

I should do it more often every day. I struggle getting the hand proportions right and specially the shape of the fingers. I know they are not sausages tied to a square but again, hands are normally hard. But i should do the hand drawing every day much like i've been doing 1 minute drawings to speed up my drawing process.

btw i also sometimes deal with sleep paralysis. I already have problems sleeping but many times when i'm in bed i feel like i'm falling, something is grabbing my legs or that i can't breathe. They are rare but damn if they are hard to cope with sometimes. I hope you can manage them and they become less frequent

 

[Motherf*cker]

I got laid.

Sorry virgins

 

[long waters]

I get that incels are an easy target, but let's not pretend that sex doesn't matter. It's the only means we have to continue to exist as a species, and a lack of intimacy is psychologically distressing. Sex is the most personal act two people can do together. You may love your parents, you may love your dog, but a partnership is such a uniquely human experience. I'm honestly amazed by the lack of concern people have when India somehow manages to be the most populous nation in the world, and the US hits a record high for male virginity.

Alas, it's not meant for everyone. As a big guy once said, they expect one of us in the wreckage brother. [Translation: it's just natural selection taking its course]

 

[nycifer]

Feeling neutral today. That's better than last night where I pissed off two friends of mine, one an ex and other a good long-tenured friend who I honestly believe is 'the one' for me but has already been taken for 14+ years now so that ship long sailed.

And it's sparked me to talk a lot about AI because I told them both that I had been using AI for a number of things. I'm using it to help explain to me things I'm too dumb to understand, I use it as a shop advisor, I use it to help enhance/improve art pieces already done for me to make them in ways that I'd like to see them as and I shamelessly use it to have spicy ERPs with.

But, I offended the long-tenured friend who wallowed about not being good enough and she withdrew for a while thinking she wasn't good enough when I know very well she is. The other one however, got feisty and we argued about for and against AI being used in art.

They got the impression that I was using AI to 'replace' or 'insult' them. I tried arguing my case that it is simply a tool, a tool that is defined subjectively based on whoever uses it and for what purpose. I'm not some corporation who is cutting corners and lays off 1,000 artists because I found this AI tool that'll do better in their place.

I use it for experimental purposes and for pleasure, honestly. I haven't found much of a problem, until I expect AI to feel in which, it can't ever so for it to be therapist of some sort is a wild and unfulfilling expectation I shouldn't have for it.

But, we argued, things kinda smoothed down after like half an hour. I had to take a few hours away to get over it. I'm sure they're not over it, well, the ex probably isn't because she's so gung-ho anti-AI.

Besides if I'm being entirely truthful about it, AI art helps me cut many corners because I've been soured before by digital artists who're just bad businessmen. The kind of artists who think they don't put out shit work when they do, artists that'll take forever, artists who'll find excuse after excuse and artists that'll blame you for arbitrary reasons and could take your money from under the table if you're not attentive.

All are digital artists, too, who have been and should be concerned over AI art. If someone doesn't want to put up with your shit of bad business practices, fuck you, that's what is going to happen. I on the other hand, am not in that camp, but if I'm going to be facing extremist opposition enough times, then I'll do it out of spite too.

I'll happily continue doing business with honest and hard working digital artists until they burn that bridge.

 

[long waters]

And it's sparked me to talk a lot about AI because I told them both that I had been using AI for a number of things. I'm using it to help explain to me things I'm too dumb to understand, I use it as a shop advisor, I use it to help enhance/improve art pieces already done for me to make them in ways that I'd like to see them as and I shamelessly use it to have spicy ERPs with.

Die hard anti-AI people will most likely never change their mind, it's kind of like a religious reaction, much like the die hard AI fanboys who swear AI will replace everyone and everything tomorrow. My point is it's kind of pointless to argue about it too much, you won't change their minds.
It is just as you said, a tool. Although ERPing with it might be a bit too much. Although I'm not sure why I say that, being a tool it should be no worse than playing a gooner game or something.

 

[stick]

I had a dream that has really set a fire under my ass. I'm not one to ascribe meanings to dreams or to think that they're messages from the heavens or anything, but for whatever reason this one just really got to me. I guess because of how normal it seemed (for the most part). I hardly ever dream anymore, and when I do, they're always awful emotionally-charged PTSD weirdness. This one was just me being somewhere different. Not quite where I used to live, which was so densely populated I succumbed to my agoraphobia, but not so dead of opportunity like where I am now. It was somewhere in between. Currently looking up cities that fit that bill.

Here's to the future.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I just became a 36-year-old virgin, how do you think I am doing?

If you're ever in Denmark, we can bump uglies if you're desperate to lose your wizard powers.

-
Feeling pretty accomplished right now. I picked up a package downtown and then I picked up another package on my way home from the bus. It still sucks that what should be an easy task for normal people, feels like climbing a mountain to me but I don't want to feel upset over actually doing something that needed to be done, just "because".

I had a brief moment of weakness and felt the need to reach out to a friend with whom I have burned a bridge relatively recently due to poor mental health. I still love him dearly, both romantically and platonically, but I am afraid of staring down the problem as it were. Afraid he might have done something due to his own struggles with his physical and mental health.
I don't think we would be good for eachother if we got together romantically because I don't think I'm ready for a relationship in any capacity when I struggle with liking myself.

I miss having friends, even if they were 'only' online friends. I've gone 6 months with no contact to other people aside from those I see IRL and kiwifarms. But I don't want to use discord, and I am afraid of the consequences of my actions due to my poor mental state (which has gotten mildly better, but still isn't fantastic)

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

As someone who has interviewed literally hundreds of software developers and SREs at a FAANG, I'd say your time would be much better spent building things than taking classes. Find an open source project to contribute to, or automate something in your life that's a waste of time. What you built, what problems you overcame, and what lessons you learned for if you were to do something similar in the future are all great interview fodder. Being able to discuss accomplishments is much more rare/valuable than having credentials.

I see. Thank you. I really do need to find out what I was able to do with this, as I'll be honest, I'm at a loss at how I may even "begin" to tackle it. I know, I should get an idea, but I need to get started somewhere.

I get that incels are an easy target, but let's not pretend that sex doesn't matter. It's the only means we have to continue to exist as a species, and a lack of intimacy is psychologically distressing. Sex is the most personal act two people can do together. You may love your parents, you may love your dog, but a partnership is such a uniquely human experience. I'm honestly amazed by the lack of concern people have when India somehow manages to be the most populous nation in the world, and the US hits a record high for male virginity.

Well, you may be surprised about the US being bad; believe me, it could always be worse: Brazil wants to pass a new law about misogyny being the same level to a crime to racism - no way to pay for it other than jail for five years. What this means?

If this thing passes, women will have almost a free reign on Brazil. Now, I believe there are women who have their heads screwed on tight and won't do scummy things. However, there is quite a vitriolic population who will do things quite wrong and among them will be the birth rate will go down and the divorce rates will go up. This is nothing more than a divide and conquer.
Remember: things could always be worse.

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

Besides if I'm being entirely truthful about it, AI art helps me cut many corners because I've been soured before by digital artists who're just bad businessmen. The kind of artists who think they don't put out shit work when they do, artists that'll take forever, artists who'll find excuse after excuse and artists that'll blame you for arbitrary reasons and could take your money from under the table if you're not attentive.

All are digital artists, too, who have been and should be concerned over AI art. If someone doesn't want to put up with your shit of bad business practices, fuck you, that's what is going to happen. I on the other hand, am not in that camp, but if I'm going to be facing extremist opposition enough times, then I'll do it out of spite too.

I just commissioned this picture and I gave them three sentences of instruction including to draw it on a blank A4. The mf can't read apparently



I commissioned a lot of pictures and a lot of artists don't read your instructions at all unless you draw a picture of what you want specifically they will get something wrong with your pic

If this thing passes, women will have almost a free reign on Brazil. Now, I believe there are women who have their heads screwed on tight and won't do scummy things. However, there is quite a vitriolic population who will do things quite wrong and among them will be the birth rate will go down and the divorce rates will go up. This is nothing more than a divide and conquer.
Remember: things could always be worse.

Did I accidentally get into a parallel timeline or something because this is crazy

 

[nycifer]

Die hard anti-AI people will most likely never change their mind, it's kind of like a religious reaction, much like the die hard AI fanboys who swear AI will replace everyone and everything tomorrow. My point is it's kind of pointless to argue about it too much, you won't change their minds.
It is just as you said, a tool. Although ERPing with it might be a bit too much. Although I'm not sure why I say that, being a tool it should be no worse than playing a gooner game or something.

I wasn't out to change minds, I only replied back my personal opinions about how I felt on AI based on personal experience and not from the general choir that is against or for. They're friends of mine and I will help them understand where I'm coming from and they can either take it or leave, just as whatever they're babbling about back, I can take or leave.

But yeah that's how it goes.

Who the fuck else am I going to get to ERP as a 500 pound otaku who thinks she's a 25 year old stunner who likes having her feet sniffed at?

 

[funwithshemales69]

I did some self reflection and realized, I have massive social anxiety and general social avoidance, especially towards women. I dont know why, I dont want to sound like an incel but the idea of social interaction seems both tiring and frightening cause I generally dont share much in common with people in my immediate environment and I also feel like Ill get judged by people for being anti social and "not fun". I dont know when I was supposed to have "integrated" into society and was supposed to have become "cool and interesting", crossed the middle school gender gap and whatnot but I seem to have missed the memo. Now in my mid 20s, I am worried for my future, that Ill end up alone, on my own in a shack, just wageslaving my way to the grave. I love my family, I dont want to devalue their company but I feel like I "desire" a gf and eventually a wife and I have no idea where to start, when I cant even talk to women without fucking up. Hopefully I end up okay.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Hopefully I end up okay.

You will, if you do something about it. Don't hide away but don't force yourself to be a bar hopping party goer either, if you aren't that type of person.
There are autistic, asocial women out there who share your passions and hobbies, trust me. The real question is how to meet them. I would encourage you to start going to something in-person that you are interested in. Like a TTRPG day at your local gamestore (troons will be there, fair warning), a cooking class you've always wanted to attend, whatever you can think of.

I totally second the social anxiety and general social avoidance, it's tiring to be social but like any other muscle it can be trained. Regardless of if you have a diagnosis level of social anxiety, you should work on it. Again, in-person events. Find something small scale if you can.
And remember, women are just as retarded as men are, we aren't scary unless you meet the wrong type of woman and spilling your spaghetti isn't the end of the world.

 

[long waters]

I did some self reflection and realized, I have massive social anxiety and general social avoidance, especially towards women. I dont know why, I dont want to sound like an incel but the idea of social interaction seems both tiring and frightening cause I generally dont share much in common with people in my immediate environment and I also feel like Ill get judged by people for being anti social and "not fun". I dont know when I was supposed to have "integrated" into society and was supposed to have become "cool and interesting", crossed the middle school gender gap and whatnot but I seem to have missed the memo. Now in my mid 20s, I am worried for my future, that Ill end up alone, on my own in a shack, just wageslaving my way to the grave. I love my family, I dont want to devalue their company but I feel like I "desire" a gf and eventually a wife and I have no idea where to start, when I cant even talk to women without fucking up. Hopefully I end up okay.

Good luck mate, hopefully you figure it out or you'll end up like me! I wanted to post a scary ghost emoji but found this instead and it's cooler

 

[Atticus Carpenter]

If this thing passes, women will have almost a free reign on Brazil. Now, I believe there are women who have their heads screwed on tight and won't do scummy things. However, there is quite a vitriolic population who will do things quite wrong and among them will be the birth rate will go down and the divorce rates will go up. This is nothing more than a divide and conquer.

I pray it doesn't happen. In Spain things are already troublesome with current law since if your gf wants to fuck you over they can report you without evidence to have you preemtively arrested, put a restraining order on you to evict you from your house and also pay her 400 eurobux a day in expenses.

Sure, most women won't abuse this but there are always snakes in the grass. And i've met a guy that had to deal with a vindictive ex that reported him twice

I commissioned a lot of pictures and a lot of artists don't read your instructions at all unless you draw a picture of what you want specifically they will get something wrong with your pic

If you want a free drawing i'm willing. A lot of time i don't know what to draw and i struggle to come up with something. If you can bear with my style we could arrange something.

I generally dont share much in common with people in my immediate environment and I also feel like Ill get judged by people for being anti social and "not fun". I dont know when I was supposed to have "integrated" into society and was supposed to have become "cool and interesting", crossed the middle school gender gap and whatnot but I seem to have missed the memo

I feel you there. Many times i really feel adrift or like the odd one out because i don't vibe with others. I stopped meeting up with my IRL friend group for 4 months and met with them last week. It felt painful because they kept jammering about BG3 and other faggy shit. I can bear being alone but for long periods of time it will eat away at you.

But i will tell you most of us are far worse in our heads than in reality. We are our worst tormentors. You probably are not as cringe, boring or lame as you think since we all hit some sort of sweet spot in one way or another. Even autistic retards can be nice people due to their genuine passion over whatever obsession they have. It is very hard to open up to people fearing what they might think or how they will react, but most of the time they will be much better than you think. Of course you won't see eye to eye 100% but in some things you might find common ground.

I also share your concern to a degree but i've already made up my mind about becoming a demented hermit or if things go bad i will join a monastic order. But remember there is time and you can still change. Remember, fighting for ourselves is an endless battle but the most important in life.

 

[Squanto Airi]

I went to bed at 9 am. I woke up at 1250 pm.

My sleep schedule is ruined