How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

PetiteFeet said:
Love it when that happens. It feels like Life just decides you've had it too good for too long, that you might finally be improving on yourself and then WHABAM! Two steps forward and fifteen steps back.
Hope the psychiatrist appointment is helpful at least.
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Maybe Life™️ wants to see me crack in the coffee room before I glue the mask back together and help some boomer find out where the boomer-friendly gym equipment is for their dusty ol' bones.

Shitposts aside, it's rough as hell. I fucking hate emotional dysregulation. It's like a house of cards, and you're about to glue it together, and God fucking comes in like Antonio Brown and chugs some furniture at it.

Yeah, thanks for that.

In unrelated news, I could really do with alcohol. I swear, I do not have a drinking problem.
 
DenseDeerFather said:
Maybe Life™️ wants to see me crack in the coffee room before I glue the mask back together and help some boomer find out where the boomer-friendly gym equipment is for their dusty ol' bones.

Shitposts aside, it's rough as hell. I fucking hate emotional dysregulation. It's like a house of cards, and you're about to glue it together, and God fucking comes in like Antonio Brown and chugs some furniture at it.

Yeah, thanks for that.
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Been struggling with that for longer than I can remember. Hats off to the people who can somehow manage to be a functioning human despite their dysfunctions.
The worst part is I forget the feeling and the thoughts of being in the middle of the storm when it has passed, so I also get very little from therapy now that it's once a month I see my psychologist.

You'll get through it, I believe in you.
 
Carnage at work this week. Then notice of consolidating real estate in my market, despite our return to office policy meaning we're already packed like sardines.

No, child, we will not assign you a seat; do you not understand real estate investment ROI? No, child, we will not subsidize your RTO-increased parking expenses in locations we don't own the garage. No, child, there are no COL increases. Yes, child, we will track and report when you enter and when you leave, and when you are logged in and actively working, but no, child, you may not see what is clocked for you; you'll find out in your performance review (but will still not get the detailed data). Yes, child, we will monitor your adoption and daily use of AI and report on that, too, even though we haven't outright said so. No, child, there will be no promotions. Yes, child, managers and above will be held to a strict rating distribution (so don't join a strong team). Yes, child, you should be looking for ways to streamline your way out of a job. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
 
almost a week without sleep paralysis.

also I accidentally let go of all my stress.
without drugs, just added lots of electrolytes and intermittent fasting. wanted to tighten up health wise, but didn't know my stress would disappear.

I let myself zone out, play videogames and eat pizza without guilt for the first time in... forever.
hope this lasts and it's not a weird hormone shift thing
 
I have still barely recovered consciousness after (((Uncle Sam))) raped me up the fucking anus on tax day. I can barely cope with how badly I got fucked. Plus going to get fucked even harder soon. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I handed over every fucking dollar but I know they're going to demand more. I'll be sleeping on the streets eating Sterno at this point. FUCK THIS GAY EARTH.

Also I'm showing signs of intense mental illness that are obvious even to me in a mentally ill state. I have had spells of this, but this is no time for that shit. I need to move past it and quit being completely insane. Wish me luck. Lmao. My descent into absolute madness was inevitable. I wish I could escape it, but that doesn't seem likely.
 
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AnOminous said:
I have still barely recovered consciousness after (((Uncle Sam))) raped me up the fucking anus on tax day. I can barely cope with how badly I got fucked. Plus going to get fucked even harder soon. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I handed over every fucking dollar but I know they're going to demand more. I'll be sleeping on the streets eating Sterno at this point. FUCK THIS GAY EARTH.
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Feel you, bro.

On the lame-ass upside, did a couple-mile walk today (at a humiliating but I should stop whining 17 minute/ mile pace). Hey, between that and the regular minimal walking at my desk-based job, I got to 8k steps. Coming out of hibernation is a matter of small advances. Screwed at work, screwed by the irs, screwed by age, screwed by stubborn indolence and self-indulgence - huzzah.
 
Imagine trying to job search in this environment. "Well yeah your academic career and shit looks great. But don't you go bugfuck insane every few years?" "Well, kind of."

Lmao.
 
I.. I been dealing with a profound fear of death
like the hyperawareness of one's mortality

It terrifies me to no end the thought that when we die, we cease to think, cease to feel, cease to exist
the thought of no longer seeing your wife, your kids and your family, no longer experience the joys and sorrows of living
not be able to feel the cold breeze against your skin, or taste that food that you have as your guilty pleasure.

I dont know man.. it scares me.
heck even the explanations of afterlife isnt comforting
either you fall in the "hey you get to go to this paradise, but people who dont follow same faith doesnt go there. so not everyone you care about will get in."
or
"Hey, you're going to be reincarnated, but all the bonds, love and emotions and memories you had will all be erased as you start anew, though at this rate im sorry to say you'll be reincarnated in Pakistan or Bangladesh"

like... its unsettling and profoundly sad when you have a wife and a kid, and looking at your 3 month old kid's eyes and wish to engrave that smile in ur memories to atleast have something to hold on for all eternity,
 
AnOminous said:
Imagine trying to job search in this environment. "Well yeah your academic career and shit looks great. But don't you go bugfuck insane every few years?" "Well, kind of."

Lmao.
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See my earlier post. My company is actively getting rid of people and squashing down the remainders (quitter performers are the cheapest option). I need to be looking but f me, for once I just want stability, and I'm disadvantaged in the market (50 is not 30). This was supposed to be a great opportunity. I feel like a horizontal Benjamin Button - doing life backwards, but it's sideways instead.
 
I tried to call my dad today and he blocked my number.

I genuinely have the worst feeling that our fight will be the last time we would have spoken to one another before he passes away. I didnt want to leave off on that note.
 
> Sister asks to let her bring a baby pig.
> I say no.
> She brings it anyway.
> We excavate a septic tank cause the sewers collapsed.
> Neighbour calls me cause he's hearing screams from my house.
> Pig had fallen in the septic tank.
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AnOminous said:
Also I'm showing signs of intense mental illness that are obvious even to me in a mentally ill state. I have had spells of this,
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What have you done before to ride it out and manage it?
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Carnage at work this week. Then notice of consolidating real estate in my market, despite our return to office policy meaning we're already packed like sardines.

No, child, we will not assign you a seat; do you not understand real estate investment ROI? No, child, we will not subsidize your RTO-increased parking expenses in locations we don't own the garage. No, child, there are no COL increases. Yes, child, we will track and report when you enter and when you leave, and when you are logged in and actively working, but no, child, you may not see what is clocked for you; you'll find out in your performance review (but will still not get the detailed data). Yes, child, we will monitor your adoption and daily use of AI and report on that, too, even though we haven't outright said so. No, child, there will be no promotions. Yes, child, managers and above will be held to a strict rating distribution (so don't join a strong team). Yes, child, you should be looking for ways to streamline your way out of a job. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
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We have different professions but we are together in spirit. No child, despite what literally everyone else says, you are not deserving of a raise. No child, we do not have actionable items or reasons for this. Get fucked, child.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Yes, child, we will track and report when you enter and when you leave, and when you are logged in and actively working, but no, child, you may not see what is clocked for you; you'll find out in your performance review (but will still not get the detailed data). Yes, child, we will monitor your adoption and daily use of AI and report on that, too,
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I would hate this. Maybe we do it too, but OMG it’s just so dehumanising.
If you do manage to stick around, I’ve found that after these sorts of purges they’ve always gone too far and gotten rid of so many people that actually did stuff that there are opportunities to get a bit further up. Of course the issue is surviving until that point… it sounds like hell.
 
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