How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Starting a new job can be very annoying when they are not very up front with their schedule, taking some training now and apparently it went from 2 and a half weeks to now 4 and a half weeks. When the trainer is asked about this he says he has no idea, no one comes in to talk about the time table either. We barely even know what the upcoming 2 weeks of training will be like. I don't expect trainers to have the whole ins and outs but god damn man at least have some kind of time table for what you should know. I've always struggled when people just like to go with the flow and when its someone higher up who nearly always refuses on giving any commitment to any schedule I get very anxious about it. I'm a very surprise adverse guy in general so I don't expect everyone to feel like me but when nearly everyone in the class is asking and acting bemused I start to get a bit mad about it all.
 
ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday said:
My Uncle just died. We hadn't spoken in years due to a fight he had with my Mom.

I'm actually surprised by how empty it makes me feel.
I shed actual tears but I don't know why.
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Update: His visitation and funeral are this coming Friday. For some reason the visitation is 3 hours away from the burial site.

I got elected to be a pallbearer...

I don't really have funeral wear or a suit for the occasion. I'm not quite sure what to do.

Unluckily it'd a 3 day weekend. I'd rather just get the weekend over so I can throw myself back into work to cope.
 
Otterly said:
Your cat needs you.
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The scariest thing about going through these kind of things is your brain works against your interests. It creates rebuttals for every rational thought you might have. And because YOU ARE your brain in a sense, it's hard to remain logical.

Otterly said:
What’s brought you to the low point?
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Had a rough depressive mood swing, so already felt awful. And then my pet who I nursed from infancy unexpectedly died due to surgery complications. The surgery I insisted on. So you can imagine what already chemically imbalanced brain will cojure up
Felt like it was the only right thing I could do to not be a burden to everyone else (hence the bathtub method to ease up cleanup process)
 
Long time lurker, first time poster. A week ago, I woke up with a feeling of existential dread and sudden suicidal ideation. I've always had the regrets and fears that ultimately formed these thoughts, but they've never manifested this physically and suddenly. There is an anxious pit in my stomach and an occasional palpitation in my heart regardless of my active thoughts at the time. Psychological issues notwithstanding, is this the cause of any potential physical malady, rather than primarily mental/spiritual? I've lost my appetite and can't get an erection, as well as being unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. #notmedicaladvice, but would anyone who lurks/ posts have any insight to this sudden, massive shift, seemingly on a whim?
 
Getmeout said:
I'm trying to lose weight for an event but it's hard. I'm not allowed to weigh myself due to my past with EDs, so I just gotta tell by the mirror, and it's pissing me off that I'm not noticing a massive difference yet. I don't even know if there IS a difference, and I've been eating literally butt nothing.

My strat is essentially I'll let myself eat like I'm in my ED, but not think like I'm in my ED. Cause that was really what made it hell, the way I thought, the constant self hate, the constant obsessing, the constant doomscrolling /fph/. None of that anymore, I literally can't. Like I just can't, I will actually snap if I do. I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy.
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Speaking of this, I've noticed that certain KF threads do not help with this. So I shall avoid them. No fat people hate thread and no BP. You can guess today was a pretty bad day just from that, lol.
 
Pat Niggerson said:
Long time lurker, first time poster. A week ago, I woke up with a feeling of existential dread and sudden suicidal ideation. I've always had the regrets and fears that ultimately formed these thoughts, but they've never manifested this physically and suddenly. There is an anxious pit in my stomach and an occasional palpitation in my heart regardless of my active thoughts at the time. Psychological issues notwithstanding, is this the cause of any potential physical malady, rather than primarily mental/spiritual? I've lost my appetite and can't get an erection, as well as being unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. #notmedicaladvice, but would anyone who lurks/ posts have any insight to this sudden, massive shift, seemingly on a whim?
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Hard to say without more context. These sort of issues don't typically manifest inexplicably one morning. If you say you've had these fears for a while then it's possible that something has just spilled over, though again it's uncommon to wake up and decide "actually today I'm just going to be a fucking mess." That kind of thing can happen if you have a Major Depressive Disorder where you have stronger more infrequent episodes. These episodes can typically last about 2weeks+.

Was there anything that might have triggered a response recently? It may just be a response to that which your mind isn't coping well with. If there isn't, then can you define what these anxious feelings are about? If your mind is telling you something is wrong, or something bad is about to happen, but can't define what then it sounds more like a medical/psychological issue. About how long has it been, and has it been persistent?
 
Fuck cancer and fuck the world. I hate everything, I hate everyone, and if I lose my grandma on top of everything else I won't fucking be responsible for whatever happens next.
 
long waters said:
I really admire people who can put on a smile and be nice to customers day after day. It's not something I think I could manage myself.
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There's actually a store I go to and it's largely because the woman behind the counter always calls me "darling," "baby," "honey," and other terms of endearment. It just makes me feel good that someone actually cares enough to do that.
MazonLabs Recruitment Rep said:
Well shit, and here I was hoping you'd actually show the courage of your convictions.
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Even if you actually want to quit psych meds it should be under medical supervision. SSRI withdrawal effects can be incredibly dangerous.
 
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Blinchik said:
And then my pet who I nursed from infancy unexpectedly died due to surgery complications. The surgery I insisted on
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Well you looked after this pet from a baby and tried to do the right thing. Sometimes that doesn’t work but you still were acting from a place of wanting to save them. You have nothing to beat yourself up here - if you’d not done it and they’d died you’d also feel bad wouldn’t you? Take some time to grieve your beloved pet, and think about all the pets out there with awful neglected lives, your pet had a great life. D
Pat Niggerson said:
is this the cause of any potential physical malady, rather than primarily mental/spiritual? I've lost my appetite and can't get an erection, as well as being unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. #notmedicaladvice, but would anyone who lurks/ posts have any insight to this sudden, massive shift, seemingly on a whim?
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I think you should go and get a quick work up. Blood pressure, etc. Don’t mention the dread at first to the doc, but do mention it. Lead with the palpitations, boner loss and sleep issues and then say the dread. A sudden sense of terrible dread CAN be a physical symptom so please do get checked out. Nice the physical is ruled clean you can stop worrying about that and maybe think about what’s causing the mental? Anything changed recently?
AnOminous said:
There's actually a store I go to and it's largely because the woman behind the counter always calls me "darling," "baby," "honey," and other terms of endearment. It just makes me feel good that someone actually cares enough to do that.
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It’s really nice isn’t it? Nobody here does it any more I think they all fear being accused of something.
 
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