How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I should be asleep but I’m awake and on here. I’m mostly living on those boost meal replacement shakes and this instant coffee I found on the internet. I guess it’s ok because at least I’m not dead.
 
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Feels like I do nothing but browse the Farms and seethe/despair about Clown World. The only meaningful conversation I've had in meatspace in weeks is with my boss, and that was not unlike a KF thread.

Haven't seen family or friends in several weeks. I don't wanna tell them how much Clown World is bugging me; I don't want them worrying. I'm losing sleep over this shit.

I know it sounds like I'm attention-whoring, but I had to vent.
 
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Meat Target said:
Feels like I do nothing but browse the Farms and seethe/despair about Clown World. The only meaningful conversation I've had in meatspace in weeks is with my boss, and that was not unlike a KF thread.

Haven't seen family or friends in several weeks. I don't wanna tell them how much Clown World is bugging me; I don't want them worrying. I'm losing sleep over this shit.

I know it sounds like I'm attention-whoring, but I had to vent.
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You need a break from Clown World happenings. SJWs and clowns alike are the most miserable people on Earth right now, and these times are too uncertain enough to be dragged into their misery pits. There are a lot of things you can do to distract yourself. Read unfinished books, play some video games, sit in the backyard and breathe the open air. Trust me, you will be a lot happier removed even a day from their despair.

The first step I took was avoiding their Twitter feeds. It's tempting to look, but the constant TDS and holier-than-thou retweeting is going to eat at you, even if you don't notice at first. It's like a mosquito bite.

EDIT: And if your chief concern is Clown World pushing in on your own life, and life as we know it in general, try to reassure yourself with this fact: People are getting annoyed and pushing back.
 
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Dustlord said:
I'm sure your friends understand why you haven't been trying to see them in person. This might sound silly, but I'd try talking to your boyfriend and some of your friends about it. I assume you guys are close enough that a convo like that wouldn't be awkward. Either way, its better to know what they're thinking rather than assume the worst without knowing.
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I have brought it up to them, my depression just tried to make me think the worst at times. I’ve known those friends and been without my bf for four years or so so we knwo each other well enough.

I’ve lived under an overbearing and possibly narcissistic parent my whole life so it often feels like arguing with a wall. In this case about just going out to see someone close to me. It would be trivial if I lived on my own but I can’t afford that. I got a car during the pandemic but I’m still struggling with driving anxiety and going the next town over to where my bf lives. I’ll still keep trying.
 
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Coffee Druid said:
I feel like a super shitty partner/friend because I haven’t been able to see my boyfriend or friends in person much if at all. I really want to more than anything. But I’m also treated like a shitty person at home if I go out (not even in public spaces, just to say, my boyfriend’s house), and treated like a plague rat. Pretty much shamed and yelled at if I literally even leave my room.

I’m a horrible person no matter what I guess. My friends probably think I’m not trying hard enough and don’t like them.
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In all seriousness, I think you need to go see a doctor.

We've all got cabin fever but you sound like you are crossing the line into the distorted thinking and self-loathing that is characteristic of real depression. Please, don't let it get too far.
 
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Currently in a life-transition period and I have never felt more isolated. I feel like that's a common sentiment, though.
I want to stop wasting mental energy on Piss Earth news, but the people around me IRL can't seem to stop talking about it so it's become pretty hard to avoid.
Also currently single but not quite sure whether or not it's a good time to worry about that given everything else I have going on. Never really done e-dating before either, and I am not sure if it's worth it.

FreeYourDoodies said:
A crazy girl who I dated for, like, two weeks all the way back in March just sent me a text that says "I love you!" out of the blue. I feel bad just ghosting her message, but she's legitimately crazy. Like, found out two weeks into the relationship she's a cult member crazy.
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Crazy girls can be kind of hot tbh. I guess it depends on what type of "crazy" they are.
 
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Tiny Clanger said:
In all seriousness, I think you need to go see a doctor.

We've all got cabin fever but you sound like you are crossing the line into the distorted thinking and self-loathing that is characteristic of real depression. Please, don't let it get too far.
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Tbh I don’t want to sound like a downer but I’ve had chronic depression symptoms for over a decade now. Been a little worse the past few years. I appreciate the concern. I really should see a doctor though. I honestly have zero desire for suicide if that’s what you mean. I’m depressed I can’t get anywhere but at least if im alive I have a chance to no matter how slim. On the other hand I’m not sure how much a doctor or medicine can fix the “material” causes of my depression like my home and toxic (I hesitate to say abusive because it’s not physical but perhaps it could be classified as emotional abuse, narcissism or something else) family members, and other things.

Money would fix all this. It may not buy happiness but it will help me make my life better. Now to find out how best to acquire it...
 
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Should be asleep rn but cant life been just awful - so for the past two weeks my ex been stalking me online bc i wont date him etc he has swatted my grandma, sim swapped my dad and grandma and is threatening everyone in my life, has leak pics of me and things like that i want to get rid of him so bad n i have proof of everything his address n his friends address but the police wont help at this point i feel like a hitman is the only option i swear like because hes overseas i just had it to my limit with him and everything
 
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I learned the hard way that if I have to go out to buy something, it can't be during the weekend. Downtown was full of people, much more than usual, someone let the dangerhairs and genderspecials loose, and trying to find an empty bus was impossible.
 
I've been having something of an existential...dilemma? Crisis is too strong a word. I've spent the last 5 months now in what is basically purgatory. I've technically graduated college, but it hasn't really registered because I spent the last 2 or 3 months doing it at home and I got my degree in the mail. I've been stuck in the house all that time and I've done jack shit. I would like to go out and do something with myself and get a job with my fancy degree, but with the way everything's going in my state I don't even know if that's viable. Everything's so in flux here that I'm not even sure how anyone's supposed to get employment right now, let alone maintain a social life (not that I had one to begin with).

But then I look at the people here who are clearly not doing well with everything going on and I realize that I don't feel bad. I'm bored out of my skull and I feel increasingly uncertain with where my life is going, but I can't say I'm feeling crushed by it. I feel somewhat confident I can get a job if I can just sit down and write some cover letters (honestly, the hardest part for me is trying to really sell myself because I'm a really restrained person so it's difficult for me to basically brag that I'm the one for the job). I just hope I can get some decent employment before my student loan payments start up.
 
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I'm a little down in the dumps today. Took a nap for a few hours after dinner but still a big depressed. Maybe its because I'm not as focus trying to finish studying for my second a+ test. Or that I can't find a IT job in the market and no one responds to me. Or we as a society might be on the verge of a second great depression. idk. I'm also kind of bored too dispite having tons of game to play and whatnot.

I feel ya @Duncan Hills Coffee
 
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I'm not even doing anymore. I haven't had actual sleep in months. My body has been running off of junk food,"exercise",and 11 hour "naps". I got a micro SD card though,so it's all kinda worth it. send help
 
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