How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I'm at work and veering repeatedly on the edge of an anxious breakdown. My boss asked me to go home but I can't afford to miss days so I told him I could handle it. I'm losing my fucking mind
dude you work at a tackle shop, how hard can that possibly be?
 
Had lunch with a friend and spent time with family Saturday. Other than going to church, did little more than sleep all day yesterday.

It's amazing what a few days of respite from the internet/Clown World can do for you.
 
Good: - Loving the colder weather here in dungeon levels 3 and 4.
Bad: - Tried goya malta. Felt like I was liquid garbage.
Terrible: - Bought a scorpion tobasco sauce. One of the worst tasting things in all my 100+ years I have ever tasted. Super hot, yes, but I honestly thing brie larsen's fungus feet would taste better than this. Awful.
Fantastic: - Tricked the succubi into staying out of my hair for a while. Told them first one that can beat a certain rogue like has a chance of holding my hands. They've been busy for days.
 
Laid down the foundations to start moving in with my bf. The only gift Covid has given me is a secure, well paying job. I’d say things have peaked for the both of us; 2 years ago I went through an awful period of depression and he was living in a grimy apartment with a bunch of assholes and was burnt out on acid every day.
 
Follow-up on the apartment-post:

It seems like the landlord sees us as a "very good fit" and we can move into the place.
:gunt:

Though, I am not celebrating the whole thing until we've signed the contract. There's still a slim chance he'll tell us to fuck off. Or maybe that's my paranoia talking. I don't know.
 
Been fucking SLAYING it lately. It's finally cold enough for me to wear my leather jacket everywhere now (I feel naked without it), got a raise due to COVID after bossman realized that I was the tardwrangler for my department, I'm gonna become a dad AND I've just found a bunch of money under the sofa's cushion after I was cleaning it out yesterday. Score!!
 
Been fucking SLAYING it lately. It's finally cold enough for me to wear my leather jacket everywhere now (I feel naked without it), got a raise due to COVID after bossman realized that I was the tardwrangler for my department, I'm gonna become a dad AND I've just found a bunch of money under the sofa's cushion after I was cleaning it out yesterday. Score!!

Real?
 
Today I got emailed the alpha key for a Kickstarter game I (stupidly) threw ten or so bucks at back in 2014. Don't even feel like trying it because it's probably gonna suck.
 
I don't know to be honest. I have extreme highs and lows. Last week I was arrogant as fuck and ontop of the world. Then some relatively minor things happened on Saturday and I'm back to self hatred, sadness and boredom. I've dealt with this in the past. But each time it just fucking hits me and I never get used to it. I'm very confused lol. Also theres this really bitch lady at work and I'm worried I'm gonna call her a cunt and get fired.

So basically *sigh*
 
I...could be better. I feel guilty and ashamed about why I'm so upset, especially since it's my own damn fault I'm in the situation I'm in.

I'm pregnant, and though I'm happily married and I love the 3 children I have, I'm old as shit and my youngest just turned 10. I'm being selfish, I know, but I really can't shake this feeling that I'm doomed, as stupid as that sounds. There are so many people out there who desperately want a child, and here I am not appreciative, but annoyed and scared. I don't like not having control of my body. I don't like that I'm the heaviest I've ever been and only going to get heavier. I don't want to have my abdomen fileted open for a 4th time, and be a booby slave for a year or more again.

My husband is so happy, so I'm putting a big smile on my face for him, but being that I'm a weirdo with no real friends, and my family sucks, I feel like I'm all alone in this.
 
"Booby slave" in any other context sounds like something I would prefer.

In the longlongago when I first got married, I was staunchly anti-kid and my wife surprised me by saying she wanted a baby. Now she's staunchly anti-kid and I'm starting to think maybe it would be a good thing.

Reverse psychology? Or just the other shoe of my much-improved finances?

Saw my ma earlier today, had lunch with her and most of my family after having not seem them in a while. Still just wish she'd get off my case about going back to school and getting am associate's degree and a "career." I almost wish she knew about the lol cows this site documents including Chris, sockness and Tommy. Just so she can get an idea of how much worse she can have it having a son still working a dead end job in a small apartment compared to having...them for son's/daughters.


Yeah to everyone who is at odds with their parents over how their lives turned out, tell them to imagine being Barbra weston chandler or sock head's mother (does he even still talk to his parents anymore?) Then reconsider how your kids turned out.

Doesn't Chris have a college degree? College is stupid.
 
I just remembered the gayest shit ive ever done so I guess Im feeling kinda gay and embarrassed right now.

Im disappointed if kiwifarms doesnt rip on me for always being gay I guess, too.

I was like 12 and this cute 16 year old movie ticket girl, I bought two tickets for some stupid Rom Com that Will Smith was in for me and my friend so she gets to see two like pre-teen boys holding hands going into this stupid fucking movie together. I dont think he even wanted to see ANY movies that day, I remember him being kinda upset and short with me, but I convinced my mom to take us because it had Will Smith and I thought he was always funny, and I had the name of the wrong movie because Im shit with names and details--it was some movie about Will Smith being a love agent or a matchmaker or some shit and it sucked. It was the most boring thing two 12 year old boys could watch and I also remember not being friends with that kid much longer after that so thanks Will Smith your shitty movie ruined a friendship.
 
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