I...could be better. I feel guilty and ashamed about why I'm so upset, especially since it's my own damn fault I'm in the situation I'm in.
I'm pregnant, and though I'm happily married and I love the 3 children I have, I'm old as shit and my youngest just turned 10. I'm being selfish, I know, but I really can't shake this feeling that I'm doomed, as stupid as that sounds. There are so many people out there who desperately want a child, and here I am not appreciative, but annoyed and scared. I don't like not having control of my body. I don't like that I'm the heaviest I've ever been and only going to get heavier. I don't want to have my abdomen fileted open for a 4th time, and be a booby slave for a year or more again.
My husband is so happy, so I'm putting a big smile on my face for him, but being that I'm a weirdo with no real friends, and my family sucks, I feel like I'm all alone in this.