How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

But better recently, but still stressed about school and feel like I’m failing, even though I’m not.

Election has been stressful, but avoiding most social media and some threads on here has helped me. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

Corona lockdowns are annoying and I have a feeling everyone is just going to have worse mental health and weakened immune systems when this is all over. The panic around it is annoying but it’s the mayors and governors using this virus as an excuse to be dictators that annoys me the most. Terrible year for my mental health overall because of this and will be glad when it’s over.
 
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Angry New Ager said:
Avoid people.

Grow stuff (seriously, I've done some small-scale permaculture in my small urban yard, and would love to go bigger).

Run around it, arms outstretched, yelling, "It's mine! All mine!" at random intervals.

You know--the stuff you do when you have an acre of dirt.
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So like, a cottage and a garden sort of thing. That makes sense.

"Bugout house" sounded peppery. I thought maybe I'd turn over a rock and find crazy.
 
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Doing really well! I got to feel warmth in my chest for the third day in a row in 15 years, I watched Iron Man for the first time with my father, and I had ice cream today. I'm also looking into spirituality, and I think it's neat. I don't believe God is as mean as people make it out to be. I don't really know if I want to stick around on KF for much longer because it's people making fun of people. But, I like using the picrew generators on here, and sometimes the people are nice.

I hope people are doing okay! 😸
 
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The food pantry gave me Thanksgiving stuff last week so I cooked it already and am making turkey everything. I had a no-life neet period when my parents were alive so I've slipped back into that mindset. I do miss being an asshole at the bar, I bought some bus stop drunks a few beers and smokes and let them goof around so that was ok..a live irl lolcow show is not to be missed.
People get up and walk away when I sit down in public which is good right now but will feel insulting next year. My doctor and the therapist they forced on me are losing their shit, the therapist looks more slattern and unkempt with each telehealth visit and giggles like Kamala Harris when I make reasonable points about being forced to be a hermit right now.. They want me to do these dumbass meditation and new agey groups which I mute myself and only use an avatar while I play vidya and only answer when absolutely necessary. "How was the group?" (Well, I scored a goal in overtime, pretty gud)
"It was allright."

The person leading the group looks like lady Voldemort with barely a nose, it's like final years Michael Jackson and she wears these huge ass "Theodore" from the Chipmunks glasses. I would still look at her bony rack if she showed them, though.


All these people have the glazed over look of the true believer and it's disturbing.
My god fuck this shit. I'm going to go find a slow pitch softball game or fucking something with some action Thursday.
 
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Homoerotic Cougar-kun said:
I just realized for the first time in a while that I miss sports. Watching, playing, anything.
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People are still doing them in the park, soccer is decent for the distancing. You can still fish, hike, go mudding, etc. If not, fire up a copy of the Bad News bears or Benchwarmers. Any sports comedy, really.
 
The High Prophet of Truth said:
Bad. I don't know why, but I haven't been able to be happy in a long time. I don't have any other major relationships in my life outside of my parents and one other family member. I mostly joined onto this place to find people to talk to and to not feel so alone, outside of discussing some other topics.
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You should stop by the next Kiwi meet-n-greet. My chapter is having a barbeque on the 29th!
 
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another job application
"how many years of experience do you have in Desktop Support"
it's capitalized so this is clearly a super-important thing that is definitely real and relevant to the position
it's also vague as fuck
yeah ok fuck it, "10+ years"
call my bluff, faggots, I dare you
 
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Homoerotic Cougar-kun said:
another job application
"how many years of experience do you have in Desktop Support"
it's capitalized so this is clearly a super-important thing that is definitely real and relevant to the position
it's also vague as fuck
yeah ok fuck it, "10+ years"
call my bluff, faggots, I dare you
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Just tell them that if they don't hire you they're gay.
 
Is it normal for sons/brothers to act like emotionally-distant dicks to their family? One of my siblings has been drifting farther and farther away. Mom and dad put off their retirement so he could go to college and he repays them by never visiting, never calling, and pretty much making every excuse not to spend time with any of us when he visits for the holidays.

He wasn't a spoiled kid growing up. He got just enough love and support. He used to act normal before he went to college. Nowadays we barely see him and he acts like we burden him by existing. Idk if that's just how boys are or what. Either way, I miss the brother I knew when we were younger. Because frankly, this older version is a cold fucking fish.
 
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Went back to work today. Did okay, even if my legs have been bothering me all day.

Today got really sketchy because about halfway through the day a close IRL friend of mine bitched me out about something that happened to her. I could tell she was just stressed, what with corona and seasonal shit and all. She said something about 'stopping it' like she usually does when she gets into spells.

Her boyfriend called and said that her parents haven't seen her all day, she's not answering her phone, and none of her friends have heard from her. Law of averages says she's fine, but there's always that nagging voice that tells you maybe, just maybe, this time they did it. I'm hoping I'm right, and if I'm wrong, I'm hoping we can all have some peace, her included.

EDIT: she's not dead. As I thought, she just ran off, got wasted, and cratered out in some random parking lot and didn't tell anyone where she was. Lucky nothing happened to her. We all have had enough and debated pulling an intervention, but I'm done with her. If she wants to keep doing this shit, she can do it to someone else. I hope her boyfriend learns his lesson from this.
 
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Another 3 applications filed. Long shots, but they're all long shots right now.

Rediscovering my love-hate relationship with Mechwarrior Online. Mostly hate, and loving to hate it. The Marauder was a good buy, the Shadowhawk not so much. Have yet to win a single match in it. I could see having worse than 50/50 win/loss absolutely being on me, but every single match, for 30 plus matches? No. Especially given how I was starting to hit my stride with the Marauder. Something's fucky here.
 
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Family was in for Thanksgiving. I was miserable the entire time. Was, as usual, the butt of most of the jokes, but it was my stepbrother that really got me the worst.

I already have a strained relationship with him from when I spent a couple of months drunk crashing on his dad's couch and tried to off myself. There's a pretty sizeable gap in our ages- he's 15. I've been a bad influence on him, and maybe he was thinking about that, because I went to drive him to where we were taking out family pictures, and he laid the fuck into me. Any horrible thing you could think of to say, he said it. No shot below the belt was too low for him. I chewed him out, he said 'oh i was just kidding', but I could tell he wasn't. Damn near kicked him out of the car and made him walk home in the rain, but decided to just grit my teeth and bear it.

I get why he resents me, if he really does. The whole family hates my guts. Just wish he hadn't said so out loud, coulda kept dismissing it as paranoia.

I don't think I'll be with this family for next Thanksgiving. It's a big ask to make me sit through Christmas, now.
 
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