Link (Archive)
This is part two of Bottoming 101. Click here to read part one: How Do I Know if I'm a Bottom?
Before I discovered porn, I thought bottoming was impossible — a myth that guys on my Varsity football team used to tease each other about, but one I didn’t actually believe. A penis can’t really go in a butt, right? Then I found a video. I watched it slide in, move in and out — fucking — and saw that full, terrifyingly painful stroke, tip to balls, in a man’s ass for the first time. That moment sealed the truth: Bottoming was real, and I had no clue how to do it.
That brings me to my first piece of advice for anyone looking to bottom: Do not compare your experience to porn. When my first sex attempts didn’t turn out like porn, I assumed I was doing something wrong. Your first experience won’t be like porn. Your second experience won’t be, either. In fact, most of your sex life won’t resemble porn — because porn isn’t reality. Porn creates an impossible fantasy, one that porn stars themselves can’t do in real life. I’ve worked on professional porn sets and can assure you: All the messes, failures, half-starts, and struggles happen in porn, too. They just get edited out.
In part one of this guide to bottoming, I explored fundamental questions surrounding the act — “Am I a bottom?” — along with how to mentally and emotionally prepare for receptive anal sex. Now I’ll talk about what you need to do to prepare physically — the mechanics, safety tips, and ass care information you need to know.
But for the purposes of this article, we’ll be talking about bottoming specifically through the context of anal penetration, whether that be with a toy, hand, or penis. While the concept of bottoming in this way can seem intimidating, there are plenty of ways it can be manageable, first-timer friendly, and fun, especially if you follow these tips.
As your skill develops, your douching regimen will probably change. You’ll discover what kind of douche you want to use, learn different cleaning methods, or find that you don’t really need (or want) to douche at all. Many people don’t, and you don’t always need to douche to have an enjoyable experience bottoming.
What you eat plays a major role in how “clean” your butt can be. If you eat a high-fiber, veggie-heavy diet and avoid excessive red meat, your poop will be less messy and more “together,” meaning the douching process will be minimal — which is what you want. Some people with careful diets skip the douching process altogether and are naturally “ready to go” (vegetarians and vegans especially). Incorporating a fiber supplement like Metamucil into your diet can help. Most people do not consume enough fiber, which is vital to your overall gastrointestinal health (and makes anal sex easier and less messy — double win!).
When you’re new to douching, go slow. Lube up the tip of your enema with a body-safe lubricant (I recommend silicone-based lube), and slowly insert the nozzle into your hole. Gently squeeze the bulb and slowly fill your butt with water. Note: You don’t need to squirt a huge amount of water up there, at least not when you’re a beginner. More advanced forms of sex require more extensive cleaning regimens, which do require more water, but that’s not for beginners. When you’re starting off, there’s no need to empty the bulb. You don’t need much.
After you do this, your butt might feel strange and “full.” To avoid discomfort, make sure the water is lukewarm — not hot — before you start. Hold it in for a few seconds, then gently release the water into a toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear.
Some safety tips: Go slow! Also, don’t stick the nozzle all the way in — there’s no need to, and you can hurt yourself if you’re not gentle enough. And make sure you try to release all the water into the toilet when you’re done — water left in your butt can cause discomfort later on.
Don’t freak out if you can’t get totally clean. Anal sex always involves some likelihood that you’ll encounter poop. Yes, you can get pretty clean, but cleaning out is not a requirement for bottoming. Many people, including some medical professionals, recommend skipping douching in the first place, washing your butt with soap and water, putting a towel down, and simply cleaning up any mess after. No matter what you choose to do, you cannot completely control your body. Just enjoy it.
You can clean and clean for hours and still not be totally “clean.” But you shouldn’t clean for hours and hours in the first place. Flushing your butt can disrupt and dry out the good bacteria in your colon that you need to process waste, so cleaning for too long isn’t healthy. You also shouldn’t douche every day for this reason. Remember: You can’t control your body.
The only thing you can control is what you eat, and eating a healthy diet that’s high in fiber and low in red meat will make your cleaning process much easier. If you need help looking for fibrous meal recipes, there are even some creators that design bottom-friendly recipes for people looking to work more fiber into their diet to avoid mess, like TikTok creator Alex Hall of the Bottom’s Digest.
No sex is perfect when you’re a beginner. That’s why you need practice. Also, there are ways you can train your butt muscles to relax, stretch, and make the experience easier (see the last question of this guide).
Some people recommend taking a deep breath when your sexual partner first enters you. Others recommend “pushing out” while someone is fucking you. While these classic first-timer techniques to minimize pain have certainly helped many folks relax, they’re not the first ones I recommend.
I’ve trained several first-timers for bottoming (as well as for more extreme forms of anal sex play), and here’s my best suggestion: While your sexual partner gently slides a finger in, take ten deep breaths, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. “Squeeze” their finger with your butt, hold the squeeze for a few seconds, and then relax. Repeat this a few times while you mentally “check in” with the body. In your mind, start with the top of your head and slowly relax your muscles, “scanning” down your spine, down your legs, and ending at your hole. Close your eyes and picture your butt, and picture it opening, expanding like a circle. Keep “gripping” and releasing their finger until you’re ready for them to add another finger. Work up to two fingers, then three, until you feel comfortable gripping them — in control, powerful, flexing your butt muscle.
Tell them when you’re ready to try their dick, dildo, or any other sex toy in your arsenal. Breathe slowly and lead. You’re in control. You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you.
Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own. More severe ones are called “fissures,” and these you will probably feel. They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom. Fissures usually heal on their own, too, but it’s still a good idea to see a doctor you trust, who knows what kind of sex you’re having.
While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. This is why it’s important to protect yourself.
PrEP is a once-a-day pill you can take to prevent HIV infection, with FDA-approved options for the medication like Truvada and Descovy, though there is also an FDA-approved long-lasting PrEP injection called Appretude. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduces your risk of contracting all of these. If you suspect you or your partner have been exposed to an STI during a hook up, the CDC recommends the antibiotic DoxyPEP, a one-time “morning after pill for STIs” like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.
Other STIs, like oral and genital herpes and HPV, are so common that if you’ve had any amount of sex, you may have already been exposed to them. Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV. That said, you should talk to your doctor about getting the three-part Gardasil vaccine for HPV, even if you’ve already been sexually active. For people who haven’t had sex yet, Gardasil vaccinates them against strains of HPV most commonly associated with certain types of cancer. Even if you’ve already been very sexually active, Gardasil is still recommended to fight future strains of cancer-associated HPV.
Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. If you’re having sex, you should get a full-range STI test every three months, minimum. Many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning you won’t know you have them, so it’s important that you get tested often, especially if you’re HIV-negative. If you have questions about how often you should get tested, what questions to ask your service provider, and what to expect before getting tested, read our expert-driven guide.
Having a conversation with your partner(s) ahead of time about your STI status can help prevent spread. If you suspect you’ve been exposed to an STI after the fact, letting your partner(s) know can help them seek out treatment faster and also prevent further exposure. If you need more guidance on how to approach a conversation about STIs, read more in our expert-sourced guide.
Buy a small butt plug (no larger than an inch in diameter), preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously (with silicone toys, use water-based lube), and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! — get comfortable with it. If you feel pain, stop, breathe, relax, and continue when you’re ready.
Once the plug is all the way in, take a deep breath, adjust to the feeling of it being inside you, and slowly — slowly! — pull it back out. Breathe, relax, and repeat. (Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs.)
You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good. And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks (or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable), try a slightly bigger butt plug. If it’s too much, stick with the smaller one until you’re ready. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. If it’s not enjoyable at any point, stop. The same can be said about anything you use for penetration, including your partner’s hand, a toy, or their penis.
Here’s what you’re doing: You’re training your hole to open, and you’re training your mind to relax and enjoy it. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable. Training your mind and body to not clench — to relax, to trust the person you’re playing with, and to feel pleasure — is the most awesome part of the journey.
How Do I Bottom?
This is part two of Bottoming 101. Click here to read part one: How Do I Know if I'm a Bottom?
Before I discovered porn, I thought bottoming was impossible — a myth that guys on my Varsity football team used to tease each other about, but one I didn’t actually believe. A penis can’t really go in a butt, right? Then I found a video. I watched it slide in, move in and out — fucking — and saw that full, terrifyingly painful stroke, tip to balls, in a man’s ass for the first time. That moment sealed the truth: Bottoming was real, and I had no clue how to do it.
That brings me to my first piece of advice for anyone looking to bottom: Do not compare your experience to porn. When my first sex attempts didn’t turn out like porn, I assumed I was doing something wrong. Your first experience won’t be like porn. Your second experience won’t be, either. In fact, most of your sex life won’t resemble porn — because porn isn’t reality. Porn creates an impossible fantasy, one that porn stars themselves can’t do in real life. I’ve worked on professional porn sets and can assure you: All the messes, failures, half-starts, and struggles happen in porn, too. They just get edited out.
In part one of this guide to bottoming, I explored fundamental questions surrounding the act — “Am I a bottom?” — along with how to mentally and emotionally prepare for receptive anal sex. Now I’ll talk about what you need to do to prepare physically — the mechanics, safety tips, and ass care information you need to know.
What even is bottoming?
If you want to learn how to bottom, it’s probably a good idea to establish what it is first. Much like sex itself, what counts as bottoming is subjective. For the purposes of this piece, we’ll be talking about anal penetration, but bottoming colloquially can refer to a wide array of activities. Bottoming historically has meant anal sex but it can also mean going down on someone, it can mean getting head, it can mean getting fucked with a strap-on in any orifice (vagina, rectum, mouth, etc.) — the possibilities are endless. Bottoming is ultimately all about "receiving," whether that means "receiving" someone’s hand, "receiving" a variety of plugs and dildos, or even just "receiving" the pleasure your partner wants to give you.But for the purposes of this article, we’ll be talking about bottoming specifically through the context of anal penetration, whether that be with a toy, hand, or penis. While the concept of bottoming in this way can seem intimidating, there are plenty of ways it can be manageable, first-timer friendly, and fun, especially if you follow these tips.
How do I prepare to bottom?
Many people douche before bottoming, meaning they use water to clean the lower part of their rectum — the space in your butt just inside your hole — to flush out any poop before sex. An easy way to do this is to buy an enema. A disposable one purchased at a drugstore or pharmacy will do the trick (don’t forget that many are filled with laxatives, which you must empty and replace with water before using), or a larger squeeze bulb with a plastic or silicone nozzle, purchased from a sex novelty shop or online.As your skill develops, your douching regimen will probably change. You’ll discover what kind of douche you want to use, learn different cleaning methods, or find that you don’t really need (or want) to douche at all. Many people don’t, and you don’t always need to douche to have an enjoyable experience bottoming.
What you eat plays a major role in how “clean” your butt can be. If you eat a high-fiber, veggie-heavy diet and avoid excessive red meat, your poop will be less messy and more “together,” meaning the douching process will be minimal — which is what you want. Some people with careful diets skip the douching process altogether and are naturally “ready to go” (vegetarians and vegans especially). Incorporating a fiber supplement like Metamucil into your diet can help. Most people do not consume enough fiber, which is vital to your overall gastrointestinal health (and makes anal sex easier and less messy — double win!).
When you’re new to douching, go slow. Lube up the tip of your enema with a body-safe lubricant (I recommend silicone-based lube), and slowly insert the nozzle into your hole. Gently squeeze the bulb and slowly fill your butt with water. Note: You don’t need to squirt a huge amount of water up there, at least not when you’re a beginner. More advanced forms of sex require more extensive cleaning regimens, which do require more water, but that’s not for beginners. When you’re starting off, there’s no need to empty the bulb. You don’t need much.
After you do this, your butt might feel strange and “full.” To avoid discomfort, make sure the water is lukewarm — not hot — before you start. Hold it in for a few seconds, then gently release the water into a toilet. Repeat this until the water runs clear.
Some safety tips: Go slow! Also, don’t stick the nozzle all the way in — there’s no need to, and you can hurt yourself if you’re not gentle enough. And make sure you try to release all the water into the toilet when you’re done — water left in your butt can cause discomfort later on.
Don’t freak out if you can’t get totally clean. Anal sex always involves some likelihood that you’ll encounter poop. Yes, you can get pretty clean, but cleaning out is not a requirement for bottoming. Many people, including some medical professionals, recommend skipping douching in the first place, washing your butt with soap and water, putting a towel down, and simply cleaning up any mess after. No matter what you choose to do, you cannot completely control your body. Just enjoy it.
What happens if I’m not clean?
Then you’re not clean. Don’t panic. Don’t call yourself — or your sex — a “failure.” You will have many sexual experiences in your life where you'll think you're clean until your body has other plans. It’s not a failure. Your body is simply doing what it does.You can clean and clean for hours and still not be totally “clean.” But you shouldn’t clean for hours and hours in the first place. Flushing your butt can disrupt and dry out the good bacteria in your colon that you need to process waste, so cleaning for too long isn’t healthy. You also shouldn’t douche every day for this reason. Remember: You can’t control your body.
The only thing you can control is what you eat, and eating a healthy diet that’s high in fiber and low in red meat will make your cleaning process much easier. If you need help looking for fibrous meal recipes, there are even some creators that design bottom-friendly recipes for people looking to work more fiber into their diet to avoid mess, like TikTok creator Alex Hall of the Bottom’s Digest.
Does bottoming hurt?
It might be painful on your first attempt. Bottoming is rarely a delightful experience in the beginning, because you don’t know what you’re doing. Why does it hurt? Because the anal walls have to expand to accommodate a penis, dildo, or other object, and that can be painful — especially when you’re new to the sensation. But don’t worry; once you get better at it, it feels great.No sex is perfect when you’re a beginner. That’s why you need practice. Also, there are ways you can train your butt muscles to relax, stretch, and make the experience easier (see the last question of this guide).
Some people recommend taking a deep breath when your sexual partner first enters you. Others recommend “pushing out” while someone is fucking you. While these classic first-timer techniques to minimize pain have certainly helped many folks relax, they’re not the first ones I recommend.
I’ve trained several first-timers for bottoming (as well as for more extreme forms of anal sex play), and here’s my best suggestion: While your sexual partner gently slides a finger in, take ten deep breaths, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. “Squeeze” their finger with your butt, hold the squeeze for a few seconds, and then relax. Repeat this a few times while you mentally “check in” with the body. In your mind, start with the top of your head and slowly relax your muscles, “scanning” down your spine, down your legs, and ending at your hole. Close your eyes and picture your butt, and picture it opening, expanding like a circle. Keep “gripping” and releasing their finger until you’re ready for them to add another finger. Work up to two fingers, then three, until you feel comfortable gripping them — in control, powerful, flexing your butt muscle.
Tell them when you’re ready to try their dick, dildo, or any other sex toy in your arsenal. Breathe slowly and lead. You’re in control. You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you.
How do I protect myself from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections?
Micro-tears in the anus happen pretty easily when you have anal sex. The walls of the rectum (the inside of your butt) are delicate. If you’re new to bottoming and haven’t trained your butt to relax, your risk of tearing and pain is higher.Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own. More severe ones are called “fissures,” and these you will probably feel. They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom. Fissures usually heal on their own, too, but it’s still a good idea to see a doctor you trust, who knows what kind of sex you’re having.
While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. This is why it’s important to protect yourself.
PrEP is a once-a-day pill you can take to prevent HIV infection, with FDA-approved options for the medication like Truvada and Descovy, though there is also an FDA-approved long-lasting PrEP injection called Appretude. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduces your risk of contracting all of these. If you suspect you or your partner have been exposed to an STI during a hook up, the CDC recommends the antibiotic DoxyPEP, a one-time “morning after pill for STIs” like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.
Other STIs, like oral and genital herpes and HPV, are so common that if you’ve had any amount of sex, you may have already been exposed to them. Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV. That said, you should talk to your doctor about getting the three-part Gardasil vaccine for HPV, even if you’ve already been sexually active. For people who haven’t had sex yet, Gardasil vaccinates them against strains of HPV most commonly associated with certain types of cancer. Even if you’ve already been very sexually active, Gardasil is still recommended to fight future strains of cancer-associated HPV.
Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. If you’re having sex, you should get a full-range STI test every three months, minimum. Many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning you won’t know you have them, so it’s important that you get tested often, especially if you’re HIV-negative. If you have questions about how often you should get tested, what questions to ask your service provider, and what to expect before getting tested, read our expert-driven guide.
Having a conversation with your partner(s) ahead of time about your STI status can help prevent spread. If you suspect you’ve been exposed to an STI after the fact, letting your partner(s) know can help them seek out treatment faster and also prevent further exposure. If you need more guidance on how to approach a conversation about STIs, read more in our expert-sourced guide.
How do I get better at bottoming?
Improving your sex skills takes time, practice, and — in my opinion — some butt training. Not every bottom trains their butt to prepare for the experience, but I did. After I learned to enjoy the sensation of my ass opening and stretching, my skills drastically improved, and sex finally became really fun.Buy a small butt plug (no larger than an inch in diameter), preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously (with silicone toys, use water-based lube), and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! — get comfortable with it. If you feel pain, stop, breathe, relax, and continue when you’re ready.
Once the plug is all the way in, take a deep breath, adjust to the feeling of it being inside you, and slowly — slowly! — pull it back out. Breathe, relax, and repeat. (Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs.)
You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good. And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks (or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable), try a slightly bigger butt plug. If it’s too much, stick with the smaller one until you’re ready. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. If it’s not enjoyable at any point, stop. The same can be said about anything you use for penetration, including your partner’s hand, a toy, or their penis.
Here’s what you’re doing: You’re training your hole to open, and you’re training your mind to relax and enjoy it. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable. Training your mind and body to not clench — to relax, to trust the person you’re playing with, and to feel pleasure — is the most awesome part of the journey.
