How do I get a girlfriend?

Step 1: Pretend to be as straight as possible, stop doing the gay voice.
Step 2: Kill the YouTuber "Synthetic man" this is harsh, but all is fair in love and war
Step 3: Voice your undying love to the Sphere Hunter, make sure to sound as heterosexual as possible and don't let on that you are a tranny chaser
Step 4 ( this is the hardest part) :wait at least a few months before requesting that you act as the bottom in the bedroom. It will be too suspicious if you open wide on the first date.
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OP, I'm not trying to call you out specifically but I think it's a sad commentary on our society that the internet has fucked you younger guys up socially so badly that you can't even talk to girls.
Not only that, but instead of asking your father for advice about this or another trusted male role model you came back to the internet, the ground zero of your autism to ask how to talk to girls.
What you are doing is the equivalent of asking your fucking heroin dealer for advice on how to quit heroin. You're asking the people at the psych ward how to be sane. The reason you can't talk to girls is the same reason you can't ask for advice from another human about this. Log off and go talk to a human. It gets easier with practice, and eventually you'll be able to move up from beginner to the opposite sex in no time.
 
-Wear a sling or arm cast and approach woman and ask them for help carrying shopping
-Alternatively approach hot ones pretending to be a photographer for a modelling agency.
-Take to your home
-????
-Profit.

These tips are brought to you by the great PUAs Bundy and Alcala.
 
Lip Glossary said:
Not only that, but instead of asking your father for advice about this or another trusted male role model you came back to the internet, the ground zero of your autism to ask how to talk to girls.
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loads of guys either have no father at all, or he's some clueless out of touch oldfag whose advice amounts to "just be yourself and give her a firm handshake"

the societal shifts of the past two decades have been so huge that any man whose dating experience was back in the 90s or 2000s (or even before that) basically has zero valuable advice for younger guys. the world these old fucks grew up in was so different from what it is now, none of their personal anecdotes and experiences still apply today.
 
Slimy Time said:
-Wear a sling or arm cast and approach woman and ask them for help carrying shopping
-Alternatively approach hot ones pretending to be a photographer for a modelling agency.
-Take to your home
-????
-Profit.
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As Norm Macdonald noted, you don’t actually need to have any cheese sandwiches in your van.

 
I dunno man, people tell me to go outside but I do and I talk to no one.
Then I get told to get a job or something. But all the people I know who got a job solved nothing but just have money they waste on manchild shit while still being virgins.
I legit think it's over if you can't pull on tinder nor have found your gf in high school. Your best bet is unironically to Tarl/Ethan Ralph maxx and never get attached to any woman because they will all have a higher bodycount than you.
Maybe you escape virginity but you will never find love in life.
It's okay, Kant and Tesla found meaning in life by being lonely. Wedding is probably for normies and not for us anyway.
 
Start watching a lot of romance anime, and try to emulate the coolest character in each show. If you can manage, try to randomly use japanese words in place of english ones in conversation to appear smarter and wittier - I heard that women like cunning linguists or something. If you don't mind underhanded tactics, try to enhance your pheromone strength, and only shower occasionally - the first orifice you penetrate is her nose after all.
 
Step 1: be attractive
Step 2: don't be unattractive
Step 3: get a cute dog and care for it
 
Get a cardboard box, prop it up with a stick, put a slice of cake inside, and let nature run its course.
 
Wujime said:
I dunno man, people tell me to go outside but I do and I talk to no one.
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Why don't you talk to someone, then? I talk to strangers all the time.

Wujime said:
Then I get told to get a job or something. But all the people I know who got a job solved nothing but just have money they waste on manchild shit while still being virgins.
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That's a personal and judgment problem for those people. Get a job. And be the best damn whatever you can be.

Wujime said:
Your best bet is unironically to Tarl/Ethan Ralph maxx and never get attached to any woman because they will all have a higher bodycount than you.
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And then you wind up like Tarl or Ethan Ralph. Think about that.

Bodycounting is retarded.

Wujime said:
Maybe you escape virginity but you will never find love in life.
It's okay, Kant and Tesla found meaning in life by being lonely. Wedding is probably for normies and not for us anyway.
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:tumblr:
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Why don't you talk to someone, then? I talk to strangers all the time.
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I don't know where you are from, but in the first world just talking to people you don't know out of the blue makes you look like a giant desperate weirdo at best and a predator most times
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
That's a personal and judgment problem for those people. Get a job. And be the best damn whatever you can be.
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Yeah first it was "get out of high school" then "just get a degree" and now "just get a job". No, this is all a cope, people who get gfs do it as drug addicted bums (like tarl)
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
And then you wind up like Tarl or Ethan Ralph. Think about that.
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Objectively in a better place than being Steve Carrell in the 40 yo virgin.
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Bodycounting is retarded.
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Not when any bodycount is higher than yours and you'll inevitably find out when no hymen is there
 
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