How do I get my dog to not poop the floor

[Madre Muerte]

Please I have to go off my computer and acknowledge his existence I am suffering from constant withdrawal.

 

[Randy Lahey]

Kill it

 

[Idiot Doom Spiral]

Every time the dog takes a shit on the floor, you take a shit on the dog.

 

[Niggernerd]

Threaten to send it to the nearest private owned chinese restaurant

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Every time the dog shits on the floor, you must immediately drop trou and take an even bigger dump directly on top of the dog's pile.

This will show the dog who the true alpha is in your house, and it'll find some other place to crap.