How do I get self confidence as a person who grew up having none and struggles with social anxiety? - (sorry for my poor english and spelling)

[Sunraku]

So, like, I know this isn't really the web forum to ask this or anything really but;
1) I'm desprate
2) I trust that you guys would pretty much tell me how it is without the facebook cringe bs
3) Before you ask I'm getting therapy my doctor just sent the referal lol
For a bit of background I'm pretty much a shut in unhappy with my life and constantly hate things about myself physically and mentally. I want to work on trying to improve myself and my life so, yk, I don't hate myself anymore and can actually be happy with my life.
Any advice works really tbh, I'm also job hunting atm too so yeaa.
Anyways thank you guys for the help

 

[CallmeCicada]

> How do I get confidence
> Looks at pfp

- stop masturbating
- go to the gym everyday

 

[Justice Tony]

Alcohol. If you want pure confidence get shitfaced. It works for me every time.

 

[Grub]

Stop hating yourself. For real. It's hard to be confident in yourself if you hate yourself. Otherwise you just gotta do it. Go outside. Nobody gives a shit about you and I mean that in a good way. People aren't paying anywhere near as much attention to you as you think they are. Most people are too absorbed in their own lives to even notice your existence. This is a good thing. A lot of lack of confidence is actually fear over what other people will think of you. The best thing to remember is people aren't really thinking about you and the opinions of the ones that do don't matter 99% of the time.

As for jobs just apply to things you think you could do even if you don't necessarily have experience. You'd be surprised how many places are willing to train someone who wants to try.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

Find something to be passionate about

 

[Not A Bunny]

Get a glow-up.

If you're a guy, get a fresh haircut at a barber shop where they can talk to you about modern cuts, even about facial hair. Girls: same with the salon, and find a nice department store with a makeup counter. Invest in some nice bath products and other self-care goodies.

(My self-care routine includes a clay face mask, a manicure and a foot bath.)

Find a department store that has fashion consultants and tell them your budget. Even if you walk away with absolutely no clothing, get someone else's perspective on what would look good on you that is maybe something you wouldn't have picked for yourself, and ask exactly what things are called so you can go value shopping if you have a tight budget.

Get your resume re-done. Believe it or not, if you're forced to look through your accomplishments and write it as if if you're selling yourself, you're going to see the value in you.

Find a hobby. Something that you like doing, not something you need to convince yourself you want to do (e.g., I've met women in martial arts that don't want to be in martial arts; they think they want to be there for some amount of "empowerment" or "self-defense", and those people are never passionate about it) and meets regularly. And be there. No excuses. Make yourself show up for it. People who love their hobby will buddy up to you and help you succeed if you're willing to show some effort.

 

[Daddy's Angry Juice]

Start with yourself, what is it about you that you think people will find unappealing? I find most shut ins with confidence issues tend to not have the best hygiene and tend to be pretty messy, if that sound like you, start with better grooming habits, and as Jordan Peterson says "clean your room." Not only does this help with how you present yourself to people, but will also help with how you view yourself.

Next, get a job, and if you have one, take some time to get to know your co-workers. You don't have to be too nosey but doing things like saying good morning everyday or just asking people about themselves can open up some opportunities for conversation. Don't judge yourself too harshly if you don't find yourself having too much to say at first, most people are not the most charismatic individuals and it's okay to just give a confirming, "yes", "okay" or "uhuh" and just keep listening until something comes to you. Get yourself into the habit of talking to people and you'll get better in no time, it's just a matter of practice. And remember, no one is expecting you to be a perfect conversationalist, so don't be so hard on yourself, and if you're a genuinely pleasant and polite person, people tend to be more forgiving of your short comings.

All of that comes from genuine experience in the same predicament long ago, so I feel ya bud.
Hope that helps!

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

Stop being a fucking fag

 

[Shig O'nella]

a shut in unhappy with my life and constantly hate things about myself physically and mentally.

Cut that shit out for starters.
There's enough people in the world hate you or despise you, sight unseen, without you getting in on the fucking act too. Fix what you can, accept what you can't and go and do something more than looking up your own ass for answers.

 

[Commander Shepard]

Improve yourself.

Get a hobby. If you're a man, learn to work/build/fix something, anything. We're wired to create, and that satisfaction at looking at a job well-done or at a project that we slowly improve upon is just such a good feeling and goes a long way.

Embrace introspection. I wind down every day after work with a fat cigar, but the true purpose for that moment is for me to sit, relax, and think upon my day. Take responsibility for your stupid and dumb mistakes, but don't destroy yourself over them.

Don't try to be the best around. Be better than you were five minutes ago. Learn to compete with yourself and not others.

Always remember that most of the time, other people don't give a shit. Everyone is the main character in their own story and 99% don't even notice when you fuck up or act awkward, at least as long as you're not tripping all over yourself and drooling like a dumbass.

This shit was the shit I embraced in middle age and I've never been happier.

 

[W'rkncacnter]

Like many are saying here, you should get good at something that isn't video games or some shit. Whether that is a hobby or a more professional skill is up to you. To improve physically you should start taking better care of yourself, go for walks, moisturize your skin and such. Try and eat less junk food, cooking is a great skill and when you can make food you like it's very gratifying.

Exercise some level of discipline in your life too. That's why people will tell you to stop jerkin' it, you need to enforce some level of structure on your life for you to be proud of.

 

[Lou Bega]

You should start gooning 12 hours a day. The only way you can be happy is by stroking your cock all day long.

 

[LowlyPheasent]

Stop wallowing in self pitty and pickup productive shit to do that's rewarding and get outside, being shut in is miserable.
Hiking, gardening, fishing, and hunting are all great and rewarding.

If you're looking for a job to cut your teeth in look for a trade these can go hand in hand with other more productive hobbies, build practical skill, pay decent, and will take most anyone.

 

[Belegar Ironhammer]

Stop beating your dick and stop watching the animé. Your waifu will not wife you.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I'm really big on making small and incremental changes for self-improvement, it can be really daunting to try to tackle multiple personal goals at once.
Walking daily is an excellent goal especially if you live in a nice area, you can start with as little as a mile and work up to longer distances, exploring new routes, seeing how the area changes with time. It's great for clearing your head and getting your body moving.

Right now I'm being very regimented about my sleep schedule because bad sleep is so awful. Having an established routine in general helps your mental health and will be important when you land a job also.

Also make sure you're keeping your living space in good order and not letting things get messy, your environment has such a huge impact on your mood and general well-being.

Before bed I like to think of 5 things that I'm grateful for, and 5 things that I'm proud of myself for doing that day. Occasionally I'll have days where the best I think up is "I didn't strangle anyone" but it's a good practice to maintain.

 

[dick brain]

Get a glow-up.

If you're a guy, get a fresh haircut at a barber shop where they can talk to you about modern cuts, even about facial hair. Girls: same with the salon, and find a nice department store with a makeup counter. Invest in some nice bath products and other self-care goodies.

(My self-care routine includes a clay face mask, a manicure and a foot bath.)

Find a department store that has fashion consultants and tell them your budget. Even if you walk away with absolutely no clothing, get someone else's perspective on what would look good on you that is maybe something you wouldn't have picked for yourself, and ask exactly what things are called so you can go value shopping if you have a tight budget.

Faggot advice. Fuck all that, get a gym membership and attempt suicide 3-5 times per week, after 6-12 months you'll look good in anything and you'll've experienced the transformative effects of watching your own hard work pay off in real time.

I didn't read the rest of the thread because I'm done taking a shit now but somebody here said that self esteem comes from esteemable acts and that's right on the money. You aren't meant to have self esteem by default, it's something you cultivate by doing shit that makes you proud of yourself.

For me, I didn't have a lot of self esteem for a long time because I downplayed and minimized all the fucked up shit I went through, for a number of reasons, and it took a lot of radical acceptance and REBT to accept and acknowledge that yeah, I exhibited a ton of strength and resilience and bravery just to even be alive today. And by admitting that to myself and trusting myself and giving myself that understanding/acceptance/love/whatever, I now care way way less about how other people feel or think about me, because they don't know the first thing about me. That may or may not be a factor for you, I don't know how easy or hard your life has been, but I'm mentioning it anyway.

Do hard shit. Do shit you're scared of. That's where self esteem/worth/confidence comes from. Either you succeed and you have something to feel proud of, or you fail and you get an excellent opportunity to practice distress tolerance. It's win-win.

 

[SandyCat]

I had crippling social anxiety and lack of self confidence so Ive been there. I went the route you did, asking for advice on KF of all places. It proved to be a bad idea. Went to a therapist instead and it was a very worthwhile experience.

Ignore the advice these people are giving you. They mean well but the best they can offer is super generic and extremely impersonal surface level advice that doesn't tackle the root cause of your specific problems nor can they tailor advice to you because they don't know shit about you. Only a decent therapist can actually help you figure out your problems, not a bunch of random strangers on a gossip site that will gladly turn you into their next form of entertainment.

Go to a therapist, be honest with them, do what they say and pick a less shitty waifu

 

[Freshly Baked Socks]

Bully retards.

Find someone dumber and uglier than you. Faux befriend them, and then passive-aggressively fool them into embarrassing circumstances.

Profit?

 

[PonderosaPete]

Mess with people on the Internet until you can do it in real life.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

get a dog