How do you deal with loss?

[BananaBlue]

And that's ok too. There is no wrong way to do this. You're trying to process it, and it's hard.

I wish I could give you a timeline for healing, but I can't, and that sucks. It sucks because all I can say is it takes time, and I'm sure you've heard that a thousand times already. It's the truth, and the sad thing is you can only learn it from experience. And the saddest thing is when you've had enough experience with loss that you process it quickly. And I hate that.

Please try not to regret. I know it's hard, but no good will come from what ifs and could have beens. That will only make you feel worse.

Don't feel bad. You've been helping a lot. Everybody here has.
It's good to read other's experiences, it helps as a guidance, to me and maybe to others that are or eventually will go through the same hardships and all the support and words can help a lot.

Makes you feel like you aren't the only one that are going through this. Others already suffered and found their way out of this void. It can give others hope knowing this can be fought.

 

[Beth]

Letting out your emotions help a great deal, like pouring your heart out to anyone, even to yourself. Cry until no more tears come out from your eyes and remember the good times...Also remember that they would not want to see you so miserable like that.

...pets help a great deal as well.

 

[Zeke Von Genbu]

I listen to music usually something to bring my emotions out and just overtime come to a point of acceptance by just forcing myself to feel and heal overtime. Sometimes I progress to something more uplifting over something more somber, but ultimately I just let music take hold of my emotions and where I want or need them to be. As I progress I just kind of work it out. It's not really something easy to explain for me anyway beyond just giving it time.

If you're not dead, or mortally wounded you will always live through a loss no matter what you feel in the moment. It doesn't have to be immediately, but you plainly have to accept that you've lost something, you might have made an error or did something wrong, but I implore anyone that reads this do not give into that feeling of guilt.

You can feel bad, you can accept whatever you did or didn't do, but your guilt doesn't have to control or define you. I've seen and been there, the people who have the hardest time recovering are the ones who think they need to make constant amends, or think that they can just brute force through their emotions and by constantly fighting with themselves they'll somehow be free of their pain. Unless you start WW3 or something, I doubt you need to spend your life making amends for what you did.

 

[Anonymous For This]

I'm a music

I'm a art.

Dipshit jokes aside, our dude here is right. Finding something creative can help take your mind off things. Like Otterly has said, though, you're going to go through the grieving process. Its gonna suck a bit, but you'll get through it. But being creative or working out can give your mind breaks from the real world.

Don't get sloshed. That's a habit that's hard to break if you use it to cope with grief.

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

I'm a art.

Dipshit jokes aside

That was an intentional typo because I'm a retarded.

 

[MG 620]

Whatever you do, do not put on a wig, leave you family, quit your job and move to Chicago to live as a human garbage bag.

Serious reply: there is no easy answer. What works for you might not work for me, and vice versa.

 

[Marissa Moira]

What you do to help you go through each day and be optimistic when under heavy grief?
Without wanting to try to sound like a bitch, what kind of stuff you read, hear, watch. What helps someone to cope with loss, I won't dare to say heal your grief, but learning how to live with it.
Post motivational images, videos, music. Even if it might be corny, do it.

I just accept that it is one of the memes that will never die

 

[validation needer]

i just suffer and let it pass i guess. oftentimes i try to keep my mind distracted by consuming media. finding new things to fill in the gap but always keeping the past in mind. i watched the tatami galaxy for the first time last year and it served as the much needed closure i never had the opportunity to get.

watch masaaki yuasa stuff is what im saying

 

[SmileyTimeDayCare]

What you do to help you go through each day and be optimistic when under heavy grief?
Without wanting to try to sound like a bitch, what kind of stuff you read, hear, watch. What helps someone to cope with loss, I won't dare to say heal your grief, but learning how to live with it.
Post motivational images, videos, music. Even if it might be corny, do it.

I tell the grief to fuck off. I don't let the grief in. That being said when I lose my parents, siblings, or wife I think it might be harder but I kind of worry it won't be and that I'm just a fucking sociopath. Well...in the case of my wife I'll just go back to Vietnam and pick another one up. I figure immigration won't start asking hard questions until I'm on #3.

 

[oldTireWater]

Mushrooms if you've got them. They'll put you right with the world for a long time.

 

[Red Hood]

I tried drinking to deal with loss. That wrecked my health so I don't recommend it.

I find that exercise helps, a lot. I lift until I don't want to move, and then I go have a great night's sleep.

 

[bev]

Like other users have already said, the only real medicine to grief is time. It's something you can't really understand at this moment, but you will eventually. There really is no one universal way to cope other than that. For a moment, you'll experience things like "magical thinking" and "The Vortex," and remember, these things are normal and you're not going crazy once you do experience them. It's hard to explain these things, but you will know.

For myself, I just totally disassociated from reality. It took me about two years to finally get to a point where I could truthfully say that I was okay. It may seem intimidating to you at this moment, but although the grief won't ever totally go away, you will feel normal again. Your life will continue on and the loss you have experienced, you will experience differently. You will develop a new way of thinking about everything: Life, Love, Death...

Do what you feel is right for you at this moment. If you want to talk, talk. If you want to be alone, be alone. Just be sure to take care of your immediate needs (remember to drink, eat, and shower). But I do advise you to not reject invitations if your friends invite you over. A free hot meal is good for your soul. Soon, you'll fall back into your usual routines. After that, you'll remember what it feels like to be You.

 

[Spunt]

There are no easy answers but remember that each day will be very slightly easier than the last.

I found that my brain would only let me deal with a little bit of grief at a time. My thoughts wouldn't focus on the magnitude of what had happened, it was like my thoughts would skip across the grief like a stone skipping across water. I kept busy and did my real grieving in my dreams.

But the important thing to remember is that you have a right to grieve in your own way. Never ever feel guilty about having fun, not mourning enough, mourning too much or somehow not doing it right. It is your loss and that ownership extends to how you deal with it. There is no wrong way, morally, to cope with bereavement. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[TiggerNits]

Focus the sorrow to anger and then convert the anger in to energy and notification when I work out

 

[cornucopia]

drawing, writing, making music, etc can help a lot, creating is good for your soul

 

[Vampirella]

I tried drinking to deal with loss. That wrecked my health so I don't recommend it.

I find that exercise helps, a lot. I lift until I don't want to move, and then I go have a great night's sleep.

As someone once told me, that pain is just weakness leaving the body.

 

[kadoink]

..Food.

 

[Prince Jello]

Take each day as it comes. I think it's important to put yourself in an active mindset. Do little things every day: chores, art, working out, cooking, etc. It won't numb the pain, but it will redirect your thoughts toward something positive and give yourself an feeling of accomplishment. Stay healthy: take walks, treat yourself if you feel like it, keep yourself clean. Still, don't be afraid to confront your emotions. Grief is messy but necessary.

 

[Shaved Kiwis]

Letting out your emotions help a great deal, like pouring your heart out to anyone, even to yourself. Cry until no more tears come out from your eyes and remember the good times...Also remember that they would not want to see you so miserable like that.

...pets help a great deal as well.

My old cat was the best for this. I'd try to pet him whenever I'd be completely distraught and as soon as I'd start sobbing he would start biting and scratching me relentlessly. He'd always remind me to stop being such a little bitch and I couldn't help but burst out laughing every time. Adopting cats has been hands down the best decision adult me has made.

Spoiler: Rudy

OP adopt a cat or dog and love it forever. It will sense when you are in distress and soothe you.

 

[SofondaCox]

I like that

Dealing with a very untimely (youth) cancer in the family. This is the most 'helpful' things I've seen.

There is no help, really. Unless you can create an enemy to blame, or a supernatural figure to pray at, something fake, a contrivance. Time will pass, you'll be distracted, it'll start to hurt less often. At least that's what the professionals keep saying. This is a godless hellscape of misery and death. There are some aspects of this immutable truth that are fucking *hilarious*. Look for that stuff. The dark, the absurd. Doug Stanhope, David Sedaris, Jimmy Carr.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Stay distracted. Find a new cow. Schedule activities to get yourself out of bed. Adopt a homeless cat. Make some baked goods for your nearest nursing home.


Edit: wasn't gonna mention this, as it may sound gross and/or insane, but here we are. I've left a close friend unaware of the terminal illness in the family. I say everyone is well. I'll continue to say that. In this way, there is a little place in reality where it didn't happen, where she's still healthy and beautiful.