How does it feel to have social anxiety?

[WTBOnlineFather]

Makes you feel very stressed when you have to act spontaneously in social situations and react to other people. Most people with this are generally high inhib, they don't like dealing with spontaneity and the unknown, they aren't very experienced or confident at expressing themselves and their social skills such as ability to read the room are often in fact slightly subpar. When you combine these objective factors with bad self esteem, negative self talk, irrational fears of various social consequences, the tendency to kinda live inside one's own head, you get social anxiety.

 

[Otterly]

People can be awful though. The last couple of years with covid shattered what little bit of faith i had in humanity. I’d always believed that in these stasi type regimes everyone hated it and just went along with it because otherwise they’d be punished. What covid, or rather the react to it showed me is that 85-90% of people absolutely love it. The doctors and nurses loved being heroes. The public loved clapping for the nhs like demented seals. The politicians loved the power, and the public let them. In fa t they loved that too - the vast majority were all for punishing anyone who didn’t do All The Things. They’d have been shopping the neighbours to the stasi for clout and dopamine hits. Petty tyrants everywhere
I can’t have a conversation any more. I find peoples blind obedience unnerving. Maybe this place has ruined me but I got to a point at covid where I actually felt like hitting someone who was gloatingI hadn’t seen my family because I wasn’t jabbed. It was, she smugly gloated at me, my choice and choices have consequences otterly. They’re safe and effective. I have never been so close to decking another person in my life. Profoundly upsetting. Squawking like parrots, ‘safe and effective!’
I’ve had people try to contact my employer over me saying I wouldn’t take a covid shot, and over me saying humans can’t change sex. I just don’t trust people any more.
I am introverted, I am a bit odd, and I know that. I read about social anxiety and there’s stuff like fear of speaking in public. I can do that no problem, I can lecture, give talks, do business bids. Don’t care. None of the social anxiety descriptions fit how I am. It’s more a sense of complete alienation.
I will quote Jung:
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views
which others find inadmissible."

 

[WelperHelper99]

People can be awful though. The last couple of years with covid shattered what little bit of faith i had in humanity. I’d always believed that in these stasi type regimes everyone hated it and just went along with it because otherwise they’d be punished. What covid, or rather the react to it showed me is that 85-90% of people absolutely love it. The doctors and nurses loved being heroes. The public loved clapping for the nhs like demented seals. The politicians loved the power, and the public let them. In fa t they loved that too - the vast majority were all for punishing anyone who didn’t do All The Things. They’d have been shopping the neighbours to the stasi for clout and dopamine hits. Petty tyrants everywhere
I can’t have a conversation any more. I find peoples blind obedience unnerving. Maybe this place has ruined me but I got to a point at covid where I actually felt like hitting someone who was gloatingI hadn’t seen my family because I wasn’t jabbed. It was, she smugly gloated at me, my choice and choices have consequences otterly. They’re safe and effective. I have never been so close to decking another person in my life. Profoundly upsetting. Squawking like parrots, ‘safe and effective!’
I’ve had people try to contact my employer over me saying I wouldn’t take a covid shot, and over me saying humans can’t change sex. I just don’t trust people any more.
I am introverted, I am a bit odd, and I know that. I read about social anxiety and there’s stuff like fear of speaking in public. I can do that no problem, I can lecture, give talks, do business bids. Don’t care. None of the social anxiety descriptions fit how I am. It’s more a sense of complete alienation.
I will quote Jung:
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views
which others find inadmissible."

I would say, ironically enough, the cure is to find some IRL friends. I got guys that I have movie nights with, go shooting, spent my birthday with, etc. You can find them through a church, a hobby, really anything with a common interest. I'd rather spend time with a neckbeard that has my back then family that would sell me out.

 

[Cats]

People can be awful though. The last couple of years with covid shattered what little bit of faith i had in humanity. I’d always believed that in these stasi type regimes everyone hated it and just went along with it because otherwise they’d be punished. What covid, or rather the react to it showed me is that 85-90% of people absolutely love it. The doctors and nurses loved being heroes. The public loved clapping for the nhs like demented seals. The politicians loved the power, and the public let them. In fa t they loved that too - the vast majority were all for punishing anyone who didn’t do All The Things. They’d have been shopping the neighbours to the stasi for clout and dopamine hits. Petty tyrants everywhere
I can’t have a conversation any more. I find peoples blind obedience unnerving. Maybe this place has ruined me but I got to a point at covid where I actually felt like hitting someone who was gloatingI hadn’t seen my family because I wasn’t jabbed. It was, she smugly gloated at me, my choice and choices have consequences otterly. They’re safe and effective. I have never been so close to decking another person in my life. Profoundly upsetting. Squawking like parrots, ‘safe and effective!’
I’ve had people try to contact my employer over me saying I wouldn’t take a covid shot, and over me saying humans can’t change sex. I just don’t trust people any more.
I am introverted, I am a bit odd, and I know that. I read about social anxiety and there’s stuff like fear of speaking in public. I can do that no problem, I can lecture, give talks, do business bids. Don’t care. None of the social anxiety descriptions fit how I am. It’s more a sense of complete alienation.
I will quote Jung:
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views
which others find inadmissible."

I understand all of that, I really do. And I know there are people out there who are terrible just like you have said. I am sorry that you experienced a divide within your family due to a political issue and I have noticed that lately such things have been happening at an alarming rate. This is what THEY want, though, and I firmly believe that you cannot buy into it and let that anger take hold of you.

The people in power want families, friends, and loved ones divided. It's easy enough for a governing entity to divide people from their neighbors but with Covid, regardless of whether you believe it was a real pandemic or not, or believe the vaccine is effective or not, or you buy into the political narrative that the media has been pushing for the last 6+ years or not, many powerful bad actors have found a way to finally divide the family. We could argue trannies and other stuff is an addendum to that, but no where NEAR on the scale of politics nor is it as all-encompassing and straightforward in it's purpose.

I'd rather this didn't turn into a vax / political thread but I am certainly willing to address those feelings and fears and such. They are real and do exist among many families post-2020 and my gut tells me that the reaction you and your family had toward them is exactly what the people in power want out of their middle class. This does not invalidate what is happening with you, but please try not to get emotionally damaged because of it. Just try. Resist that shit.

 

[The Cunting Death]

It sucks and its the reason I never get work I want done

 

[Lone Wandering Courier]

It fucking sucks man.

 

[admiral]

It makes almost any action stressful to the point of paralysis. Imagine the feeling of not wanting to open a letter that you know contains an overdue bill, and then imagine what life would be like if every single interaction felt like that. It causes you to just not do things because the thought of what might happen is so overwhelming. Anxiety makes it very easy to get panicky and overwhelmed.

It also makes it very hard to be spontaneous, because you can't relax. This makes social interactions difficult and often causes people to be distant with you, because they can sense that you're tense or nervous. Anxiety is a very lonely condition.

 

[Spiny Rumples]

I get it to some extent. It's kind of a drain. Not too extreme though.

There's a bunch of flavors, but I suppose the main idea for me is that being in social situations makes me feel "vulnerable." Especially being open and relaxed. There is a feeling that maybe I could do or say something that would piss someone off or make me get rejected by that social group.
Often fixation on things that could cause that. While driving, I try not to do things that get me honked at, and I think of my friend who got beat up at the side of the road for his driving. I think of my Mom who insults other drivers and wonder what she would say if she could see what I'm doing.
In social interactions, I suppose the feeling is kinda like if I knew my teeth looked disgusting and had to try not to smile or I'd ruin their day. That kind of shame and maneuvering but about stuff they probably wouldn't even notice or care about.
Years ago, I was told by a friend that I was the most mellow and tolerant person she knew. I thought to myself that everyone else seems confusingly stressed and mean.

An example of avoidance was when I walked to a house party that I knew happened every weekend and had some people I know but then stopped at the door and went home because I was unable to imagine a positive outcome.

I think I've been anxious in general for a while. I grew up having nightly nightmares and after a while they evolved into dreams where I was being chased by large groups of people (those were actually kinda fun).

Some positive progress I've found was learning that disagreeing and doing what I think is correct does annoy people, but it gets me more respect than being a pushover. Similar benefits to striking up a conversation with a stranger, but this seems way risker, and I still mostly avoid that irl unless I'm feeling mentally sharp + presentable.

There's my wall of text. Hope this prompts questions and not moons, but that's life.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Probably like normal anxiety, except around people for some reason.

 

[Otterly]

I would say, ironically enough, the cure is to find some IRL friends. I got guys that I have movie nights with, go shooting, spent my birthday with, etc. You can find them through a church, a hobby, really anything with a common interest. I'd rather spend time with a neckbeard that has my back then family that would sell me out.

Yeah…you are right, but: no churches that aren’t completely pozzed anywhere near and I live out in the sticks. My hobbies are solitary. People say oh join a group or a class but there’s nothing close - it’d be a whole evening trip into the city - on the bus because there no fucking parking.
With a very demanding job and kids to look after I don’t really ever get time to do anything outside the house. I’m usually up by five and it’s all go until bed about nine or ten. I manage work from East Asian time zones to west coast USA so I’m never ‘off.’ Family mainly abroad. It’s hard. I’m older as well and everyone’s already got all the friends they want. I’ve tried chatting to school gate mums but they’re not interested at all. It’s a polite brush off and then avoidance of eye contact. School gate dads are off limits, it’s the kind of area the mums would lynch you for looking at their menfolk.
I sound like I’ve got three heads or something and that’s not true …people are just busy I guess. This is all excuses maybe. I just don’t meet many people I like in real life.

 

[Matt Damon]

Social anxiety doesn't make you an introvert but all introverts have social anxiety.

I don't have social anxiety and I'm right up there with the most introverted people you'll ever meet.

Social interaction is like folding the laundry - it's a tedious chore that I'd usually rather not be doing, but I don't get nervous or stressed out over the prospect.

 

[WelperHelper99]

Yeah…you are right, but: no churches that aren’t completely pozzed anywhere near and I live out in the sticks. My hobbies are solitary. People say oh join a group or a class but there’s nothing close - it’d be a whole evening trip into the city - on the bus because there no fucking parking.
With a very demanding job and kids to look after I don’t really ever get time to do anything outside the house. I’m usually up by five and it’s all go until bed about nine or ten. I manage work from East Asian time zones to west coast USA so I’m never ‘off.’ Family mainly abroad. It’s hard. I’m older as well and everyone’s already got all the friends they want. I’ve tried chatting to school gate mums but they’re not interested at all. It’s a polite brush off and then avoidance of eye contact. School gate dads are off limits, it’s the kind of area the mums would lynch you for looking at their menfolk.
I sound like I’ve got three heads or something and that’s not true …people are just busy I guess. This is all excuses maybe. I just don’t meet many people I like in real life.

Well... that's a lot. One thing that always helped me before I found my friends was walking. You don't need a city for that, if anything the woods are preferable. Sounds like you got a lot on your chest. Throw on some earbuds, the music of your choice, and take a walk at night. Winter is a beautiful time of year. If you have any thoughts or ideas, write them down. It helped me a lot, maybe it'll help you.

 

[smeckt]

Picking the chair in the corner or closet to the wall, turning around whenever someone laugh to see if they laugh at you, always surprised at how quickly other people bond and form friendships. Today i probably have 1/10 of the social anxiety i used to have, but at my worst I couldn't even go to the grocery store or eat dinner with extended family.

 

[Nick Gars]

I used to have severe social anxiety, but I ultimately "got over it" when I conquered my alcoholism. Overcoming both ultimately came down to a change in perspective, but conquering the alcoholism definitely made overcoming my anxiety look like a joke. I still have some anxiety in social situations, but it's generally more so in large groups.

Social anxiety, if I had to describe it, is like being stressfully paranoid about every little aspect of not only your own actions, but also everyone else's. You will overthink interactions before they happen to the point of paranoia and self-sabatoge, and you will mull over previous interactions and constantly feel like you fucked something up: "my tone started getting harsh at the end, did they notice? did my inability to look at them put them off? did that joke I try to tell make me look like a freak? Oh my God... Can they read my thoughts?!".
That last one is less of a joke than you think, when you're that stressed and paranoid about social interaction, you will think up some truly crazy shit. You also have a tendency to read waaaay too deep into things people say when you're in this state of mind.

My advice for dealing with it? Pardon my bluntness, but it's quite literally "just get over it, maybe look at things from a different viewpoint". At the end of the day, that's really all there is to it. The most people will often do is reject you or call you a mean name, but even if they do, what changes? Nothing, really, you now know of someone you probably don't want to be around anyway, but that's it. Besides, most people are fucking stupid and don't know what they want in life, why waste so much time and energy worrying about their approval?

 

[timewave0]

I have a bit of social anxiety that appears intermittently, mostly when I’m in large groups. It tends to resolve itself when I spend more time around people, and gets worse if I self isolate. Another odd thing is that the anxiety disappears when I’m with someone who seems to be anxious or weak themselves, as my instinctual need to ease other people’s negative feelings overrides my own negative feelings.

It’s a totally subconscious process. It’s not as if I’m standing there thinking “do these people like me? Do I look like an idiot right now?” and so forth. Rather, I just become hyper aware of my movements, my body becomes tense, and I might even start to sweat a little bit. My ability to focus is diminished and my speech becomes more disorganized and fragmentary than usual. There’s also this nagging sense of always being on the outside looking in even when it isn’t justified. It’s a very annoying feeling.

The best ways to alleviate the feeling ime are rigorous exercise and consciously forcing yourself to interact with strangers until it becomes more comfortable. The easiest (and most risky/harmful) fix is to just drink alcohol in social situations