How fucked am I in this hypothetical situation? - Asking for a friend

SIGSEGV

SIGSEGV

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So let's say that I made a shitpost somewhere, and somebody thought it was a credible threat. Now let's suppose that they reported it to the FBI, and now I'm being sued by the federal government for inciting violence. In this completely hypothetical situation, how fucked am I? Asking for a friend.
 
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SIGSEGV said:
What friend?
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The High Prophet of Truth said:
Shitposters keep no company except for the copypastas they hoard.
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"
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills.

I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.

You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands.

Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue.

But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it.

You’re fucking dead, kiddo."
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Did you figure out a solution? If the issue even hypothetically exists, (for your friend on Minecraft, of course.) there's no way the Feddies would actually prosecute you(r friend.)
 
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follow these step carefully. your life might depend on it.
  1. Become a comedian and open an LLC or something
  2. Apply and get PPP loan.
  3. Use loan to buy lawyer. You don't have to own them, you just need to get the lawyer to represent you in court.
  4. Bonus get loan that 40% of equals cost of lawyer. Then pay your self a salary with the 60% left over and all is forgiven.
 
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