How long will you live?

[PotatoSalad4711]

Both said in my 70’s which I’m okay with. Doubt I’ll make it that long, but in the meantime I’ll keep telling Death to kiss my fucking ass just out of spite. He has to work for this one.

 

[Earth Worm Jim]

Aww, I wont even get to be one of those silly, cooky, dirty old guys.
70 is like being 15 but reversed. Everyone knows your not totally senile yet so if you start whacking it at the mall food court and shit yourself everyone's going to know your just weird instead of a loveable old scamp who's confused.
80 would be the sweet spot. You could steal, grope strangers, yell racist obscenities in public ,soil yourself, whatever and get off scott-free because you got the ultimate get out of jail free card! One foot in the grave.

 

[Red Hood]

I am not going to die.

Chromium picolonate. Every orifice, every day.

 

[L50LasPak]

I got 80 and 78 on both. They basically ask you almost nothing important. Do you drink, do you smoke, do you have beetus, do you have high blood pressure, are you a fat fucker? That's about it. Only one even asked me about my diet, and it appears to have been made by vegans because the options were "I eat a lot of fruits and vegatables" and "I only eat processed foods" as if fresh meat and decent grains have somehow been completely outlawed. I noticed in the second test mentioning that I never excersize at all only shaved like one or two years off my life expectancy, which even I know makes zero fucking sense.

There's a lot of things my doctors tell me are unhealthy about my lifestyle, but because I'm not a fat fucker and I quit drinking I'm pretty much completely invisible to these tests apparently.