How to Avoid Causing/Being the Subject of Forum Drama

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#1. THIS IS NOT OKCUPID. For every @FramerGirl420 and @cat there are dozens of [some random person] and Waifus out there that just result in drama, hard feelings, and general shitting up of the forums. This is not a matchmaking site. There are a lot of attractive women and some attractive men here. There are also probably some unattractive men posing at attractive women in order to bait and find the next halal cow. Either way, that attractive person you want to :blart: all over probably does not live anywhere near your zipcode or even country. Unless you live in a research station in Antarctica, I'm almost certain there are plenty of hot singles in your area who are looking for some. Get a tinder/okcupid/grindr whatever and find them instead of here. Even if things work out and they're not @DNJACK , it is very possible that you'll break up with them and then have to see their shitposts all over your favorite threads and the forums will be a less enjoyable place for you. Also, your mutual friends may be forced to pick sides in this situation and you might lose friends over this.
What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???
 
What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???
implying kiwi's have an education past 3rd grade
 
What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???
Lol, women on kiwi. They're all trannies here.
 
What if you meet a girl offline and find out later she's a kiwi? Like you're dating this girl a couple months and you're chilling out and you see she is on Kiwi Farms on her phone and you're all "WTF, that bitch has been snooping around on my computer" so you grab her graduate school textbooks and head out to the parking lot and that old man who is always hanging out with his golden retriever is all "what's going on" and you go "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS OLD MAN" and then you light her textbooks on fire to teach her a lesson and she's all "why are you burning my cellular biology textbooks?" and you're like "I saw you were on Kiwi Farms, I know you went through my computer you stupid bitch" and she's like "dude, I'm a Kiwi too" and then you're all "ayyyyyy lmao"???

Then you realise you've been fucking her in an open surgical wound instead of a vagina and you have a nervous breakdown.
 
New suggestion: don't post on /cow/ under your kiwi name even if they are talking shit about you. There is no point arguing with glaive, woody, and xalver and you will only make us cringe at you.
I'm pretty sure if they're dumb enough to use their username on an imageboard, being told not to isn't going to dissuade them much.
 
I'll add a few veggies to the pot for some of the newer users.

While all this may seem daunting- if not a bit outright frightening- to you newbies, it's not a big thing. The main rule here is don't be an asshole. Every other rule is a variation of that. If you screw up- and we all do from time to time- just apologize, learn from it, and move on.

Lurk more: This site is a really, really, really large bank of tons on info on various Lolcows and assorted crazy folks with literally hundreds of users reading & adding to it every day. That epic prank you're planning to pull on Chris? Somebody tried that two years ago. It sucked. That idea you're going to tell Connor? Someone mentioned it twenty-five pages ago. This isn't saying you, as a new user don't have anything or will never have anything to add, but it's saying take a bit to read up & get your sea legs under you before you charge headlong into a situation you know the square-root of fuck all about.

Put on your armor: While the majority of the users and staff here are chill as hell, they are a few folks who come here just to fuck with people. Some of them do it lightheartedly for fun, some do not. You have been warned. They're not here to laugh at Lolcows, they're here to make people chimp out and laugh at them. The topic is irrelevant. They're going to look for buttons. They're going to find them, and they're going to push them. Guess what? If you let them get to you they are winning. No, they are. They don't care about the debate subject or "winning" the argument. They don't care about factual accuracy or logic. Every angry text wall you throw at them not only makes them laugh more, but also puts you one step further down the road to going full-frontal Halal, which is a place no one wants to go.

Do you really want to die on *that* hill?: People are passionate about things. They like to debate about them. Some things are important world affecting events and ideas, some are trivial nonsense. There does however come a point in every debate when one side looses. Simply put, sometimes you loose, and you need to let it go. Don't make it personal, don't blatantly attack people who disagree with you, and don't keep trying to dig your way out of a hole. It doesn't work. Walk away from the keys. Take a smoke break, go get a 'sammich, whatever ya need to do to chill out a bit.

Cannibalism: This place eats its young when they get bored. Are you prone to saying stupid shit while drunk/high? Are you a thin-skinned SJW otherkin? Do you moonlight as a Tumblr special snowflake? Do you masturbate to cartoons? Do you have a large collection of really weird fetish porn stashed on another site? Do you have a lot of sacred cows and skeletons in the closet? If the answer is "Yes" to any of these, then either hide that shit really well and never mention it, or better yet- walk away. Right now. It will be found, and you will be laughed at.
 
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