How to fix the gunt's body? - Is it even possible?

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You guys are focusing a lot on the weight and drug abuse, but you also need to take into account the disfigurement and poor gene stock. No amount of diet and exercise is going to change the fact that he has a wonky eye, he's 5'1", he's got like 3 strands of hair left, the Memphis Micro, the scars from all the abscesses and boils that likely formed under his fat folds, etc. He was never a prize pig and he never will be.
 
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░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓ด้้้้้็็็็็้้ said:
You guys are focusing a lot on the weight and drug abuse, but you also need to take into account the disfigurement and poor gene stock. No amount of diet and exercise is going to change the fact that he has a wonky eye, he's 5'1", he's got like 3 strands of hair left, the Memphis Micro, the scars from all the abscesses and boils that likely formed under his fat folds, etc. He was never a prize pig and he never will be.
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You're mixing controllable factors and uncontrollable factors. If you took 2014 Ralph and had him never drink, smoke, or do drugs (I don't mean NEVER never, but something like two drinks per month on average, which to an alcoholic might as well be never) his hair would be better and the gunt wouldn't be there and associated wounds with it. If his eye was never injured and/or properly repaired--which would be avoided by not being an idiot or just staying from Portugal, that would be another issue. 5'1"...can't help that. Micropenis...again, could be genetic or be shrunken from drug use.
 
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Go back 40 years and be a father who is not schizo and does not butt fuck his son or beat his mother with torches. Teach your son to be a man, have a work ethic, care about his health and his family. Without a time machine there is no fixing what he has done to himself over the decades. You can take big pharma skinny pills, have someone hack off all the extra gunt flaps, get sober, and start working out 5 days a week and it will still resemble a frakenstein monster. It is impossible at this point.
 
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Like I've said many times before, there's no fixing Ralph's Gunt. Instead he needs to embrace it. What he needs to do is drop the drugs and politics and wignat shit. Rebrand as Ralphamari with his Gunt being a kraken as his logo. Then he does exclusively mukbang, call it guntbang. He would also slap out songs on his Gunty, cause that's always amazing when he does that.



I've laid out this plan for Ralph before, but he refuses. Don't worry, in a few years AI will become advanced enough where I'll be able to do it all for him and make major dosh from it and rub it in his face.
 
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The damage to his organs is done but if he really committed to quitting his addictions and living healthy, he could probably squeeze a couple more decades of life out of his ruined, guntly body. The real problem is mental. Like most addicts, he lacks to the mental fortitude to make any lasting changes and no force and Earth could ever compel him otherwise. Sad!
 
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Pelican Bones said:
>How to fix the gunt's body

Stand him up and spin him around real fast. I mean real fast. Thousands of RPM.

This won't fix anything, but it sure would be funny.
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The centrifugal force would stretch him out and make him look worse.

It would be funny though, I can't argue with that.
 
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