How will we know when Chris dies?

[Tubular Monkey]

The concentrated autism will burst forth from 14 Blanchard Ct. and attempt to seek a new form. One of the field agents will have to destroy it once and for all.

Pretty much this

[youtube]rZM8grMkWpg[/youtube]

 

[LM 697]

He'll make a new Facebook post.

 

[KatsuKitty]

He'll make a new Facebook post.

I am writing this post to my Most Trusted MHS Friends from the Post After-Life! Heaven isn't that bad a place but it feels Very Warm and Fiery for some reason; probably to make sure it isn't cold. God is nowhere to be seen either but apparently a Red-Cloaked Man is filling in for the time being. You'll be happy to learn that God has given Megan and Mike Snyder the Middle Finger yet again and refuses to let them into here! Finally, said Autistic Person gets his Cosmic Dues and Justice! Eternal Damnationn has happened! Ha Ha Ha! Hopefully next it will be the Cwcki trolls! Surely I can now find Some Woman here and put an end to my 60-year Love Quest.

 

[CWCissey]

Marvin will tell us.

Then all the weens will be rushing to 14 Branchland Court in search of to put on eBay.

 

[A-№1]

Barring some sudden ending (murder / mugging gone wrong / tragic fall / car accident / cyborg a-log from the future), Chris will probably disappear from the internets long before he dies.

We'll remotely witness the first stages of the collapse: more incidents with the law, increasingly mad facebook rants, Barb's eventual death, the continuing deterioration of 14BLC, and maybe even beyond Chris' inevitable removal from there (either to prison or a group home or wherever). We may witness Chris leaving the internet (incarceration) or we may not (ejection from group home), but there will come a day when Chris will stop posting and… won't come back. And a few months or years or possibly even a decade later another broken derelict will be found dead in the streets, or somewhere equally squalid, and be buried in a potter's field or cremated at the public expense. Unless someone is still interested enough to do the research or even keep a continuing watch on Chris' offline activities at that point, we'll never hear about it (and most of us will have long since moved on by then anyways).

Chris won't end with a bang or a facebook post or even a whimper, but with a quiet, unremarked, eternal . And one final .

 

[CWCissey]

cremated at the public expense.

Even in death he sponges off the American taxpayer...

 

[Pikimon]

When he dies the hoard will absorb his body and break from its prison of 14 Branchland Ct where Chris and Barbara had kept it contained for all these years to spare humanity from it's all-consuming grasp.

 

[CatParty]

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[Jackie Chin]

If Chris does die, I wonder if it'll be before Barb passes, and how she would take it, what will she do if her son dies? Will she turn to Coleslaw for help, and actually tell him who his father was to get that help? Will she ask for money in his obituary? Will she go insane because of the loss?

 

[Venusaur]

Time might prove me wrong, but I'v ealways felt like Barb and Chris would last a long time. Viperous old ladies like Barb tend to live for fucking-ever, I can see her making it to her late 80's. Equally, I can't see Chris dying before Barb, he'll probably be around until he's a bitter, lonely old man.

So many things could change by then (the forum might not exist, Marvin might decide to have nothing more to do with Christory, Anna might not be around, etc.) that I can't think of a reliable way we'd find out.

 

[WWWWolf]

14 Branchland Court will be demolished, with all the generations of accumulated useless crap inside it.

It will be all over world news, then. The President of the United States has to authorise the use of nuclear demolition after all other options inevitably fail. The world will be asking what kind of terrifying disaster would warrant such measures. We already know.

Gary Marriage, you say?
Does this mean you can only marry someone named Gary?
Or only dudes named Gary can get married at all....to another guy named Gary?

I always wondered how they reproduced...

Viperous old ladies like Barb tend to live for fucking-ever, I can see her making it to her late 80's.

In words of one of our humorists: "My doctor recently told me that my lungs are like those of a little old granny. There's at least one upside to that: little old grannies never die."

(Barb isn't exactly little, so I suppose she will die someday...)

 

[TrippinKahlua]

How will I know?

I'll try the phone, but I'm too shaay. *can't speak*

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

I always wondered how they reproduced...

Aww, you beat me to it.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Chris will probably disappear from the internets long before he dies.

He'll disappear ten years ago?

 

[Henry Bemis]

The only conceivable way anyone would notice Chris's death on a large scale is if there's a story on some "wacky news" website about the toxic Crayola pit that firemen uncovered after the neighbors called to raise a stink about the stink.

 

[MayMay]

Hmm, theories...

1. When 14 Branchland Court becomes a biohazard zone. At least there's no danger of seeing his corpse in the bath since he never uses it. So basically it'll be the stench of someone who's been dead for months and unwashed for years.

2. When his conciousness merges with the horde of garbage and becomes a real live Garbodor

3. Never. The house'll be demolished and everything in it dumped in a landfill, due to the sheer amount of crap they never found the manchild's body and presume he's just gone feral and is living in the sewers or something.

4. He acts like a bloody idiot and gets himself killed. My vote's on "ran over due to paying more attention to 3ds than the cars". Or maybe a heart attack in the middle of another "parkay" run.

5. He really does start living in the sewer and becomes pennywise but with half the fashion sense.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

We'll know because he will let out a loud "NOOOOOOOOOO!" before kicking the bucket.

 

[3Yikes]

You are making assumptions here that are baseless when we look at Chris' genetic history. In the conditions you claimed Chris will die at forty, his father managed to make it into his 80s before cancer and a bad heart snuck up on him. His mother, in her seventies by now, is still very much with us. I can see Chris making it to a venerable age himself before passing onto the great spirit in the skies.

Genes or not, the B's were fit in their youth. Barb was a cheerleader in HS, and Bob was in the Army.

Neither of them spent the first 30 years guzzling corn syrup and sitting motionless in front of a flickering picture box.

Um, genes are the number one factor for determening how long you live. More so than diaet by a significant amount. People on this forum and in general on the internet vastly overestimate the abd effects of bad food.

 

[MayMay]

Well, maybe the effects of bad food are a bit played up... though I don't think that really accounts for the sheer amount Chris takes. What was it... mcdonalds or other fast food daily? Maybe even more?

 

[The Knife]

Um, genes are the number one factor for determening how long you live. More so than diaet by a significant amount. People on this forum and in general on the internet vastly overestimate the abd effects of bad food.

I'm inclined to agree. He'll be living a long, long life with a body shot full of holes due to years of neglect and poor eating habits, probably with mobility issues and chronic medical problems and taking ten kinds of medication before breakfast, but he'd be alive just the same.