How would you protect Target from Looters?

[Bionicle of War]

You're working the night shift at Target in Minneapolis. You stand apprehensively behind the register, tasting the scent of gasoline and burning rubber in the air. The fluorescent lights above you flicker and spark. Outside the window, the street is illuminated by the reddish glow of countless burning store fronts. You can hear the angry chanting of the mob as they creep ever closer.

All your possible escape routes have been cut off. You're only hope for survival is to secure the building as much as possible. How would you keep the looters out of the building? Failing that, how would you defend yourself?

 

[Moswald Osley]

Take every bottle of ketchup, mustard, or any other sauce that causes stains, and empty them out into the mantrap. They won't risk messing up their shoes. This is much easier than you guys are making it.

 

[Troonos]

Preemptive black genocide.

 

[Dysnomia]

I'd remember to bring ED-209 with me. That thing takes no prisoners. And Target doesn't have stairs so he should be undefeatable. I just need to remember to be away from the vicinity when he inevitably malfunctions and goes after me too.

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Declare everyone that comes inside an employee for life and transfer them off to the Chinese branch. Then in China contract them based on a bidding system to various Chinese firms, then pocket a finders fee.* China has a graying workforce and we still want cheap shit. It’s a win-win.

*Also any earnings they make for their contracting position would first go to living expenses, then to their baby momma(s), then for debts/back taxes, then the shareholders, and they can keep whatever’s left.

 

[get_ur_gamon]

Step 1: Aquire some Korean gentlemen
Step 2: Aquire access to the roof.
Step 3: Let nature take it's course.
Step 4: Aquire large supply of kimchi for post-riot celebration.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Invoke a dark ritual to summon that most feared of leftist boogeymen, Kyle Rittenhouse. Once he materializes, I hand him an automatic rifle, tell him “we’ve pulled you out of retirement for one last job” and let him get to work

 

[TerrorSperg99]

They make enough money So it’s hard to feel pity for them I much rather defend some local small business

 

[No. 7 cat]

I wouldn't protect the store from anything. "Sure, take the money. If I try to stop you from shoplifting, Target will fire me outright, because I'm not allowed, and besides, they have tons of insurance. Just take the stuff and go, please." Or, I would just climb up into the sky shelves, and avoid the whole mess.

Now, in my own little store, it would be one hundred percent different. I promise to never pull out a gun that I'm not prepared to use.

If someone defending a store from the knee grows with too much zeal, Target would fire them and support a prosecution of them for racism.

 

[Moswald Osley]

If someone defending a store from the knee grows with too much zeal, Target would fire them and support a prosecution of them for racism.

Target HQ is in Minneapolis after all. They can hardly help how cucked they are. It’s a combination of their predominantly Swedish genetics and the steady supply of semen that’s added into the water in Greater MSP.

Step 1: Aquire some Korean gentlemen
Step 2: Aquire access to the roof.
Step 3: Let nature take it's course.
Step 4: Aquire large supply of kimchi for post-riot celebration.

Minnesota deported all their Koreans for not being a politically expedient type of minority.

 

[mario if smoke weed]

Guns in Minneapolis? Try a flame thrower. Looters won't risk getting their Yeezys burned.

 

[lurk_moar]

Get promoted to customer. Best promotion ever...literally.

 

[Troonologist PhD]

Roof Koreans armed with military grade weaponry.

 

[gangweedfan]

PMCs are the only solution that could work

 

[draggs]

Hair spray and a lighter

 

[verygayFrogs]

Unleash the demons they keep in the back.

If not then home alone that shit and run off with the high end shit and the icee machine

 

[BullDogsLipBrandClamjuice]

Why would you want to protect it? I'd run out the back. All that shit's insured, I'm not.

Remember the wheelchair lady over the summer? The one that got beat and fire estingwished? Fuck. That.

 

[Fucktwat The Clown]

Personally, I wouldn’t give a shit, they wouldn’t pay me enough to deal with beasts with the taste of blood.

 

[Anus Lemonade]

Layer the floor with job applications

 

[Botchy Galoop]

Place exercise treadmills facing into all the entrances. When they are stuck walking on the treadmills, fire a cattle bolt into their brains.
Oh. Looters. I was thinking Zombies.
Same difference.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Fuck Target. Die only for AutoZone.