I only go to fart joke related sites. I looked fart jokes. They are sooo funny and NEVER get old. *brrrrraaaaappp*
P.S. I just looked it up on wikipedia and it says if you can make a good fart joke you are a genius.
And the internet is a wonderful source of knowledge!
*laugh* That reminds me of when I was in the Navy. One day in the Officer's Mess we got talking about farting. "I have just farted" says a very tall, lanky, fair haired, green eyed, young man with a slight German accent. "Where, can I fart please."
We spent an hour talking about farts. There was a lot of good information, although a lot of the stories were untrue and exaggerated. It was fun, but the conversation never progressed to any actual information.
Well said, Silly. All of my best farts have been in my sleep. And they're not very funny...
Yeah, i've heard farts are good and good because it doesn't matter where you are.
I've heard this too. What I've heard is that the fart can travel up the rear airway from all the way up in the colon, straight to the skull and then straight through the nose. This is a common misconception because most people who have ever farted have probably used the rear airway, which can and does stretch about one foot.
A quick search on "farting" will have you on to the next page with links for "What is the best fart joke?," and "What is the funniest fart joke?".
I'm a pretty good farter and I make an effort not to do it at work. If I do fart while I'm on the job I try to keep it under my jacket and in my pants until I can get away from the workstation.
I don't do it in class, but I once did it in the middle of the English literature class. It was a very cold day and there was a lot of steam coming out of my nose so when I started farting I couldn't stop. This was before you knew me and I can't remember what you thought of me after that, but my senior year, I never farted in class again, you were getting to know me.
There is a good joke though, when the guy farting is talking to you on the phone. "Hello? Is this Mr. Farting or Ms. Farting?" he asks his wife or girlfriend.
This has come in handy many times. I think I was in a doctor's office and a very young girl was coming in, I figured it was some kind of a special day for her and I was curious to hear how she felt about her new health insurance policy. "I hope it covers anal bleeding," she said as she rolled her chair in front of me.
i fart in my car. as an aside, my girlfirend was in the backseat as i was driving home with 2 bags of groceries. when i pulled up to the house she reached over me and grabbed the handbags out of the back seat so that i wouldn't have to get out to bring them in. then she got out and brought them inside. i have no idea why, i just smiled.
i like to say i have a big booty. that does not help. even worse than that, i have one. my mother in law, she had a big ass, big fat lips, her ass hung out the top of her pants, and it was HUGE, her lips were so big they reached all the way across her cheeks. it is the only part of her she left exposed. when i see her, i always want to ask her, when did they do the surgery? when did you get that done?
Farting in the car...and i've known about that one for a while...the 'toot'...we were at my house, i think maybe...it was during the late evening or the early morning, not sure, but i was driving and my girl friend sat in the front passenger seat, and when it was time to leave i started to back up...and then...poof...
the fart came out of nowhere...i was so embarrassed...and not really thinking of the ramifications of what had just happened...i pulled off...but the girl in the front seat turned around...and said, "hey...i heard that!" she was giggling...i turned to look at her...and you could see it...that tittilicious titty...and when she looked at me...i could see that she was laughing at me...i couldn't believe it...the whole thing was just...there...one time...
yeah...i'm pretty much all about toots...as well as 'poo-poo-pees'...i've done them all...and sometimes they're the most fun...
I'm sure there's someone on this forum whose life would be ruined by the thought that a stranger farted in their car.
I fart...I never thought I'd be so unashamed to say it...you know, sometimes it really is a surprise...
I've had my share of weird farts as well...and the only person to really be surprised was me...I think my first one was when I was a kid...when i farted the house really shook...I was never more than 15 yards away from any other child...and when it happened all the children started yelling...I looked at the mother who was shocked...but I didn't know what was going on...and the mom asked me what I had done...I replied, "I farted" with a bit of surprise...but they continued to yell and the boy next to me came over to me and said in a very calm voice, "yes...you know...your daddy loves you"....the last thing I remember thinking about is all the kids running around me...screaming...I have some more memories of that day, but they are very blurry...oh yes, that was a great day for me...
My sister farted in the car one time and we never even knew what it was. Just one of those one in a million incidents.
Oh, and just for the record, I also fart when I go to sleep at night (I assume that it's a side effect of insomnia). I've heard a lot of farts in my life, but that was the first time that I was really conscious of a farts being generated inside a human being.
We should probably move on to talking about music, but no! No, no, no!
I would much rather talk about the smell of a fart than talk about music.
I find that the smell of a fart is rather pungent, though it can vary from person to person. When I fart I actually think of the smell more than anything else, because there is no way that I can describe the smell to you without it coming off as silly.
The pungent smell of a fart is more than enough to drive people away from farts, but then I find that some people just assume that the smell is just an excuse for the act and don't get that it is a smell in itself.
However, I can smell my farts from a distance, because I am not a man with a very stinky fart, but rather a man who has farts that are very smelly.
My farts have a smell that is both stinky and pungent and it is also extremely potent. However, I find that the fart smells best after the person who farted has moved away for about an hour or two, because then the fart smells all fresh and not like a fart.
Of course, most of the time, if I know a person that has a fart, then they have just flat out said so. The fact that they have farted is obvious, but their pungent smell can either be the reason for the fart or the justification for the fart.
In some cases, some of the more foul farts I've smelled can linger inside of a room for at least an hour or so, after the fart has just been done.
So the fart in itself is potent enough, but it is also a powerful smell that stays with the person for quite some time.
I would also like to briefly point out that farts are not just about the fart in itself, but rather about the person that is causing the farts. When you fart, you generally make yourself smell awful, not only for those around you, but also for yourself.
The person who has farted in general makes themselves look like a big fat butt. They usually turn around and fart in front of the fart, or they walk with an awkward and stiff gait.
Not only does the farting person make themselves look like a disgusting blob, they are making themselves look like a complete and utter booboo in the eyes of others.
However, you can't really say that you look like a complete booboo, when you fart in front of a person. However, the person does become somewhat aware of what it is that you are about to unleash in the next five seconds.
So when you fart in front of someone, the person you are with actually starts to get a bad feeling and the farts start to smell in an almost sexual way.
Now the person that has farted may or may not feel bad about what they are about to do, but it is really the person who has just been farted upon that has the worse feeling.
You see, when you have just been farted upon, you can see that it is happening and the person who has just farted upon, is clearly on a roll, and seems to be very excited about the next few farts that are to follow.
However, this person does not seem to realize how bad they actually stink, and the person that has been farted upon does smell bad, but for the opposite reason.
You see, when you have just farted, you actually feel really awful because you have farted in a place where other people are.
Now if the fart smell really hits you in the face, you will start to feel really bad and will start to want to leave. But as you are leaving, you will see that this person who has just farted on you is actually leaving the room, leaving you in a room alone and with just you and their farts.
So what would you do if you were in the room with them? You would probably either start to get angry, because they do not seem to care about what they are doing, and what they have done to you.
Or if you are more sensible, you will get up to look for another room where you can fart. But even though you are out of that room, the bad smell still lingers in your mind.
But if you are lucky enough to find another room to fart, you will find that you do not even get to fart in the same room that you were in, because the smell of your farts lingers in that room and the person who just farted upon you, would not want to be in that room any longer.
However, if you have farted in a room, and you happen to find that you have to go to the bathroom, there is no choice but to go in the same room. But to make the situation worse, you are going to find that when you go in there, that person that just farted on you will not even care to hear what you have to say to them. So as you walk in that room you see that your farts have spread across the floor and the walls and into the air.
If you had not farted that day, it would have been just like another normal day. But when you start to fart in this room, it actually reminds you of all of those horrible, horrible days where you have farted.
To make things even worse, you are actually in that room that you just farted in, while your fart remains in the air and everything you have to say to your friend is just like silent.
And as a result of this, the person who farted on you will get angry and will even leave the room.
So the person who farted on you, will see that you have a problem, and they will walk out the room. And if you are lucky, that is when the real problem begins for you.
You then start to notice that every time you go to that room, that you fart in, the fart spreads into the air and all the windows will blow out. So it will be like the window blowing out is happening over and over again in your life, in this room, every single time you go in there.
Even worse, every time you go in there, you are going to find that there are holes in the wall and that the smell is going into the walls.
