If there is one thing you would absolutely HAVE to teach your kids as a parent, what would it be?

I have boys, and the most important things they need to know and witness are as follows

1.) How much you love and cherish their mother: My wife is a great lady and a bit fucking looney (normal, all women are) but my boy see's me tell her how much I love her, help her with any and everything when she wants it or needs it and that I put her needs before my own. Boys really need to see this shit as it teaches them about respect and shows that mom and dad are a team and that there's love int heir home.

2.) Dad might be capable of beating your ass in such a manner that you should have a deep seeded and lifelong fear of him: Little boys are like tiny savages and in more cases than most would like to admit the non-vocal threat of immediate and mind altering violence is all that will keep them from doing something extremely stupid that can lead to them harming themselves or others due to their own lack of understanding about how the world (or in our most recent case, a log-splitter) works and crazy eyes from dad will be the thing that keeps them from straying too far from the path of not getting me any expensive fucking hospital or property insurance bills

3.) Nobody likes a cry-baby: Don't flip shit when you're mad, sad or frustrated, thats how people learn you can't handle yourself and will either mock you or take advantage of you. Handle your shit before someone hands it to you
 
I'd teach them how to pick a lock and hot-wire a car. I'm not paying all that money raising a child and not getting a return on my investment.

Basic car maintenance. Pop the hood. Can you show me where the air filter is and how you change it? Where is the brake fluid reservoir? Can you tell me if there's enough of it? Where is the coolant reservoir? Can you tell me if it's OK? Does the coolant look OK or not? Where's the spare tire? Can you show me how to jack the car? Can you show me how to take the wheel off and how to tighten the lug nuts? Where's the oil pan drain plug? Where's the oil filter located? Show me how to change the oil.
 
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Ya'r all shit all unimportant and uninspired blatant behaviors, the most important is to teach care about prolonging family line, respect wealth and good health, and respect knowledge and school [even if he/she become gay or will hate math]
 
1. People saying mean or silly things about you or others isn't a big deal and you shouldn't run crying to the teacher/Zucc/our self-appointed financial overlord Paypal over it; their ability to do it protects your ability to say what you don't like about them.

2. People spreading slander about you, or engaging in any physical violence against you, is wrong and should be dealt with through the proper channels, especially in school; the "rule" not to tell tales is a bully's almanac (and if you don't want to say something yourself, tell me and I'll deal with it).

Given that I'm probably going to settle in Japan, the latter one might be very important indeed.
 
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