If you were in a poly relationship, how would you handle it? - Hypothetically speaking - or not, if you are actually are poly

After seeing the debacle that is ProJared's love triangle trash fire extravaganza, it just doesn't seem worth it to even try.
 
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Pargon said:
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I think a lot of people's relationship drama is obvious from the outside. It's how therapists get paid despite most not having any wisdom of their own.

The main issues imo are
1. Some people deal with relationship power issues by pretending such a thing doesn't exist and their platitudes about equality will overwrite human nature
2. People aren't fully aware when they test boundaries in relationships. Women are especially bad about this. People who buy into #1 will go along with partner's emotions when they'd earn more respect (sometimes affection) by saying hell no.

doesn't matter if the idea of a poly relationship is an obvious trap of wanting to have your cake and eat it too, combine 1 & 2 & young adult libido and natural arrogance, they won't see it. I've also yet to see a poly couple who weren't weirdos
 
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Set a rule that my the gf I'm cheating on has to be around when I have sex with someone else. Pretend it's a trust thing or whatever but really just be doing it for a reverse cuckold. Also break up with her as soon as possible and make up some womanly emotional bullshit reason for why since she would obviously be insane and can't ever be told the truth.
 
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By first getting a soundclip/recording of her asking for a poly relationship and me saying no, then telling her that it's over, pack her shit and go. Soundclip is there in case she tries to MeToo me, and unlike a certain youtube reviewer, I'm not paying for her resettlement costs.
 
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I would leave.

But to humor the question, if I’m deliberately in a poly relationship then I’m probably either suicidal or close to becoming homeless. Either way I’d be mentally ill.
 
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I'm interpreting this as idealistic hippie utopia polyamory (poly from the ground-up), and not projared poly (a broken 1-on-1 relationship with outsiders tacked on).

I would be an appeaser probably. To avoid inciting any jealousy I'd walk on eggshells constantly, which is fine since I do that by default.

If (when?) any participants do begin to display jealousy, I'd double down on the Chamberlain strategy while the fuse burns. Mediate and placate until one of them snaps and kills all of us.
 
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Watcher said:
I’ve been in a poly relationship. The way I viewed it was akin to a friends with benefits situation. Like you have a friend you do stuff with and have sex with on the side. In this case I mostly just went to her house, we watched Star Trek and had sex and I’d leave. And there was very little actual “relationship” occurring. It helped I went into the relationship aware it was poly from the start, it didn’t start off like a traditional monogamous relationship. Which really helped since I didn’t really have any expectations or any emotional attachment.

It was very stress/jealousy free but it wasn’t emotionally fulfilling and when the relationship ended I was slightly relieved. I don’t think i’d do it again. It was a very pragmatic relationship and I’d compare it to one you’d have with a barber or a lawyer. You are friendly with each other like old friends but there is a service provided, and you’re replaceable.

I’ve also talked to women since who’ve admitted to being in poly relationships when I attempt to date them, and most of the time there are patterns to it. Usually it’s resulting from fear of heartbreak. IE: I am afraid of rejection so I want to have multiple guys around just in-case. Other times it’s fear of commitment. A lot of it is very fear based and built around being afraid of not having control over a situation. They also usually have a history of being in long term relationships where the guy leaves them. Most of the time the woman is divorced. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to a woman who was in a poly relationship who didn’t have some trust issues.
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I think you are pretty on the nose here. As someone whos had poly suggested to me by a significant other. It's a risk avoidance behavior. They are not only fearful of commitment, because they can't commit, but also fearful of rejection. As others have said in this modern age of feminism, it's only logical to make use of the newfound power you have to protect yourself "to have your cake and eat it too". No one today would consider it allowable for a man alone to take another partner due to fear of rejection, but for women this is an acceptable behavior for many. And trust me, I've seen it first hand, so I know it's fairly common.

As for me, who has experienced it, as soon as it was suggested to me, I considered the relationship over. Even if the partner didn't because she wanted a "backup".
 
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V0dka said:
think you are pretty on the nose here. As someone whos had poly suggested to me by a significant other. It's a risk avoidance behavior. They are not only fearful of commitment, because they can't commit, but also fearful of rejection. As others have said in this modern age of feminism, it's only logical to make use of the newfound power you have to protect yourself "to have your cake and eat it too". No one today would consider it allowable for a man alone to take another partner due to fear of rejection, but for women this is an acceptable behavior for many. And trust me, I've seen it first hand, so I know it's fairly common.

As for me, who has experienced it, as soon as it was suggested to me, I considered the relationship over.
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I think the moment a partner suggests it, the relationships as it was is over in any case. Very few relationships survive poly. And the ones that do that I've seen.... yikes, maybe it shouldn't have survived.

And if you say; no I don't want that; well that's just going to be a recipe for resentment.

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Though I don't think it's true that it's "not allowable for a man." I don't like to power level, but I was young and foolish and was in a triad poly thing for while with 2 girls. But besides poly, there's also examples like how some cultures like french culture looks upon affairs as somewhat acceptable as long as you take good responsiblity to hide it from your spouse.
 
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I think the best way to ensure that these kinds of relationships work is if there's not much emotional intimacy involved. If you approach it like you're a group of friends who just happen to enjoy having sex with each other, then it will probably work out just fine for the duration that it lasts. I think the secret is to not take it (or yourself) too seriously, and be emotionally prepared for the day that it comes to an end.
 
I'd make it work by having absolutely no pride and by lacking the ability to maintain healthy human relationships. That would take work, but it would be worth it because at the end of the day I could home to a group of people who I'm on a first name basis with and who might have sex with me.
 
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I've been in a poly relationship. I managed by not getting too attached to anyone, and dropping anyone who got too possessive. Women love to be poly but demand their partners be faithful to them, you gotta be willing to tell them to piss off.

Honestly, I would have rather have a dedicated partner. Maybe adopt a couple kids, get a dog and a couple cats.
 
Polyamoury to me has always seemed so unequal. It's either a single woman stringing multiple guys, and their wallets along whilst paying a sort of minimum wage of sex and attention or a typical Chad with a couple of attractive girls with poor self esteem who he gives approximately zero fucks about. I know there are rare ones where it's three or more bisexuals who all pork each other and seem happy to just live communally but for the most part it's just exploiting others lack of confidence for personal gain.
 
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It would be very hard for me as I've only ever been strictly monogamous. At most, I could maybe do a thruple with two men, but even then that would be asking a lot of me. How it would actually pan out would also vary on if the men are bi or straight, and it'd be way harder with two straight men.
 
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V0dka said:
I think you are pretty on the nose here. As someone whos had poly suggested to me by a significant other. It's a risk avoidance behavior. They are not only fearful of commitment, because they can't commit, but also fearful of rejection. As others have said in this modern age of feminism, it's only logical to make use of the newfound power you have to protect yourself "to have your cake and eat it too". No one today would consider it allowable for a man alone to take another partner due to fear of rejection, but for women this is an acceptable behavior for many. And trust me, I've seen it first hand, so I know it's fairly common.

As for me, who has experienced it, as soon as it was suggested to me, I considered the relationship over. Even if the partner didn't because she wanted a "backup".
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This so much. Fear of rejection is still a thing, but it's also surprising to see so many people afraid of commiting to a partner and settling down, pretty much thinking it's life imprisionment and that their lives are over once they decide to do so. Where i'm from many chicks think like that and want to "live their youths to the max", meaning they will go from party to party blowing 5 guys every day. And not to forget how many feminists are also pushing the "polyamory is healthy and normal and if you want a monogamous relationship you are everything bad in the world". Sorry for wanting to be responsible.

I don't have much relationship experience, but as soon as my significant other would suggest it i would ditch her without a second thought. If they drop the poly thing it usually means they want to cheat on you with your permission or you don't cover their needs anymore. Better alone than having someone that will make you feel miserable in the long run.
 
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