Pure nonsensical filler. She doesn't know where to go with her channel. Hint: If you no longer know what value you can bring to your job, time to look for another one.
I wonder if she's ever in her life, experienced any moment of genuine happiness? You know, the kind you feel when you're sharing the celebration of a big achievement by a loved one or one of your own or the birth of a much wanted child? Pick any of the big milestone moments. I'm guessing that she hasn't. She talks about wondering if a good day is a manic "fake happy". Hell, with her lack of a meaningful, productive life, I'd settle for fake happy any day. Happy is happy.
Edit for spelling