🐱 'I'm scared of my own autistic child'

CatParty
http://www.bbc.com/news/education-41597815

Parents struggling to cope with their violent autistic children are not being properly supported by local authorities, the National Autistic Society says.

For some, a violent outburst can be a daily occurrence.

"I'm scared of him. You live on a knife edge. You don't know what's coming next," Lucy Goldsworthy told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire programme.

She has previously been left with a split lip and bruising following her son Elliot's violent outbursts, while her husband Ian has been left with a scratched cornea.

Twelve-year-old Elliot has autism and learning difficulties which, in his case, means he is unable to speak.

His condition requires round-the-clock care and he does not understand the effects of his actions.

Ian and Lucy say their son became violent and aggressive from the age of five.

At his current age, he is becoming increasingly difficult to control.

"If it was a toddler, having a huge tantrum, scratching and kicking you, you can manage it better," Lucy says.

"Whereas when Elliot does it, it's like a small man suddenly attacking you.

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"He's still only violent 5% of the time - but the consequences of that violence are getting worse and worse."

Ian and Lucy have had to put bars across the window in Elliot's bedroom and locks on the door to help keep him - and their other children - safe.

"You kind of get used to your child's bedroom looking like a cell of some kind," Ian says.

Elliot attends a special school, but the couple say they do not get enough specialist support from their local council.

"You have to get to the point where one of you is hospitalised or you've had to call the police out [for help to arrive]," they say.

For its part, the family's local authority, Hertfordshire County Council, says it does provide a range of care support and is deciding if more help is needed.

One woman who wished to remain anonymous, "Sam", says she "cried and cried" for help from her local authority to look after her teenage son.

She had hoped that one incident, which required her to have a head wound glued after he became violent, would act as a "turning point".

"At first I got a bit of help," she says, before claiming that the council later tried to "wash their hands" of her - providing her with 48 hours' worth of support a year.

One 2011 study, of nearly 1,400 children with autism in the US, found more than half were aggressive or violent towards their families or carers.

Tim Nicholls, from the National Autistic Society, believes parents and families need more support "to help them avoid or de-escalate challenging behaviour".

"Some examples of this would be helping them with positive behavioural strategies or respite for the young person," he adds.

Mr Nicholls is calling on local authorities and NHS England to improve the care they provide.

"If children are not having their needs met, then they are being failed," he says.

"We need a special educational needs and disabilities system that identifies all the needs of autistic children, then puts in place the support and the services to allow them to live the life that they and their families want to live."

'His nature is gentle'
Nineteen-year-old Cameron is one of 700,000 people in the UK on the autism spectrum.

He was diagnosed at the age of three.

"Sometimes you don't know how Cameron's going to react and it is very scary," says his father, Doug Clements.

"The [other] children have to lock themselves in the room because they are so scared."

At the moment, Cameron goes to a specialist centre each day.

However, life at home has become very difficult, and his parents are currently looking for a residential care home for him, run by the local authority for children and vulnerable adults, close to their own home in Surrey.

His mother, Hannah, says the family can no longer manage Cameron's behaviour.

"It's really upsetting, because I love him so much," she says.

"I don't want people to be scared of him, because his nature is gentle.

"I feel sorry for him because he's frustrated, and he can't tell me why or other people why."

Hannah says in the last six years, they have had "no direction at all" from support services, but Surrey County Council said it continued to offer respite care and day support to the family.

'Gone to bed sobbing'
NHS England says it has "set out a clear programme" for those with learning difficulties and autism to "enable more people to live in the community, with the right support, and close to home".

However, the Local Government Association says that while "councils are working hard to make sure children with autism and other special needs get access to the support they need... they have been put in an impossible situation due to increasing demand and historic underfunding".

Elliot Goldsworthy's parents believe their need for support will only become greater as their son gets older.

"We've definitely had moments when we've gone to bed sobbing, and despairing at how this is our life," says Ian.

"But you can't wallow in it too long, because you've got exactly the same life the next day."
 
In the case I was talking about, the parents literally insisted that nothing was wrong and the only thing that woke them up was the administration and city officials informing them that they could either withdraw their son or the son would face charges for the next incident. They complied, but mere months later they were forced to admit they couldn't handle him either. Good thing they have money and can afford a decent placement for him.
 
There's ways to discipline an autistic child if "no" doesn't cut it. I can't even fathom why parents just give in to their screaming child when step one doesn't work, but then again, that might just be the result of me being raised by parents who chose to be fucking parents and thus am not woke enough to see why this isn't a problem in the current year.
Are you a nonverbal autistic?
 
I read another article that some parents are voluntarily giving their autistic kids up to the state cause they can't control them anymore.

But autism is a blessing, right?

When your adorable on the spectrum toddler becomes a 200 lbs teenager capable of throwing you across the room and you have to have bars on the windows it's time to start thinking about long term care outside of your home.

There's ways to discipline an autistic child if "no" doesn't cut it. I can't even fathom why parents just give in to their screaming child when step one doesn't work, but then again, that might just be the result of me being raised by parents who chose to be fucking parents and thus am not woke enough to see why this isn't a problem in the current year.

These kids have extreme meltdowns much different from a normal kid that can't have another cookie. And coddling them makes the behavior so much worse. This is why they need professional help from day one. And mainstream schooling can be a huge mistake. Because someone is going to get hurt. Then everyone crawls out of tumblr and acts like it's no big deal because autism. People need to stop making excuses and there needs to be more programs and more places to educate children like this. Because they don't really belong in mainstream school most of the time.

Stop celebrating autism like it's awesometism and actually make sure these kids have help available from day 1 of the diagnosis.

This is why I am all for the possibility that there may be some way in the future to screen for autism prenatally and a possible way to prevent it. It's not genocide. It's for the good of humanity.
 
These kids have extreme meltdowns much different from a normal kid that can't have another cookie.
That's the thing - autists literally perceive the world in ways that are somewhat difficult to explain. Some autistic people might get overwhelmed by hugs, others might hardly register pain, it's a very broad spectrum. It's especially painful because autists are terrible communicators so fuck knows what you have to do when they just start screaming at you out of nowhere. It's not a justification for this kind of behaviour but normal discipline will simply not work on them. They absolutely need help from professionals who are trained to deal with autistic children, not inexperienced parents.

That said, we should still put them down tbh. Die assburgers!
 
How the fuck can anyone be expected to deal with this kind of thing once it gets this bad? I feel kinda bad for the parents honestly...
In some respects, you can't really blame the parents for trying to help.

On the other, it's also their fault for not trying to find immediate help right away (or thinking that having another kid was a good idea in the first place). People with autism are dangerous and as @vertexwindi pointed out, they need more than just parental discipline in order to survive the world around them. Lest they wind up in a mental institute or worse.
 
I hope all the school staff being assaulted by violent uncontrolled autists will make the public question the usefulness of mainstreaming. We need the specialized schools for kids with disabilities back. Even if they are just day schools.

I have a hard of hearing friend who missed out on a lot of learning opportunities because of her hearing problems and she had a really great experience at a girl's camp specifically for deaf girls and she is a big advocate for specialized schools and against mainstreaming. The disabled people who are against mainstreaming are often ignored in favour of delusional able bodied/neurotypical parents of kids with disabilities who are in denial that their children have different needs than an able bodied and/or neurotypical child.
 
Applying clear, easy to understand boundaries and consequences has to happen very early on with autistic children, especially the non-verbal ones. I hate to compare it to training a dog but it is reasonably similar. The child won't have as many meltdowns if they know what to expect and if you can get them to self-soothe you minimize the chances they'll get violent. Temple Grandin was non-verbal up to the age of three, but her mother got her speech therapy, special education and her own nanny to make sure she was secure even with her issues and the result is a succesful independent adult.

I have a way to restrain a child mid-freakout in a way that won't hurt the child or the restrainer, but it's only really effective up to the age of eight (less if the child is particularly strong). There's a window of opportunity there and once it's past, you've lost any chance of a normal routine for good.
 
and here you have the problem of people who really shouldn't be "mainstreamed" being mainstreamed because IngSocJus activists have preached that it's "discriminatory" to have exceptional children in exceptional classes (trying to equate it to segregation). I grew up in an era where children who were exceptional, went to "special ed". Nowadays a lot of these kids are "mainstreamed" but that also means a lot of them don't get the extra assistance they need and were getting in "special ed". And unfortunately, nonverbal autists melting down is indistinguishable from basic (Downs' Syndrome or otherwise such as simple low IQ for whatever other reason) tard rage (with the accompanying Hulk Strength)--and I have to wonder if these parents tried to Ritalin little Exceptional Johnny but it didn't work.
 
daily reminder that these are the same type of people who say that Autism Speaks are literal Nazis

Exactly what is the problem with Autism Speaks? Every Tumblr #actuallyautistic hates them. But I don't understand why. Are they advocating a cure? Is that it?
 
Exactly what is the problem with Autism Speaks? Every Tumblr #actuallyautistic hates them. But I don't understand why. Are they advocating a cure? Is that it?

Much of the hate comes from Autism Speaks being a charity and doing very little to help families with autistic children and autistic individuals. Instead AS is using the donated money to hold more fundraisers and they also have advocated for a cure for autism and prenatal tests for autism. This was a few years back so I don't know if the M.O. has changed or if it's still the same.
 
Exactly what is the problem with Autism Speaks? Every Tumblr #actuallyautistic hates them. But I don't understand why. Are they advocating a cure? Is that it?
They had an a while back that portrayed autism as a disease and that it should be cured, and also everything FierceBrosnan said.
 
"We've definitely had moments when we've gone to bed sobbing, and despairing at how this is our life," says Ian.

"But you can't wallow in it too long, because you've got exactly the same life the next day."

Truly heartbreaking. You give birth to a child and literally until the end of your life you are chained to a ticking bomb that will probably hurt you and continue to hurt you until you die.
 
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