🐱 'I'm scared of my own autistic child'

CatParty
http://www.bbc.com/news/education-41597815

Parents struggling to cope with their violent autistic children are not being properly supported by local authorities, the National Autistic Society says.

For some, a violent outburst can be a daily occurrence.

"I'm scared of him. You live on a knife edge. You don't know what's coming next," Lucy Goldsworthy told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire programme.

She has previously been left with a split lip and bruising following her son Elliot's violent outbursts, while her husband Ian has been left with a scratched cornea.

Twelve-year-old Elliot has autism and learning difficulties which, in his case, means he is unable to speak.

His condition requires round-the-clock care and he does not understand the effects of his actions.

Ian and Lucy say their son became violent and aggressive from the age of five.

At his current age, he is becoming increasingly difficult to control.

"If it was a toddler, having a huge tantrum, scratching and kicking you, you can manage it better," Lucy says.

"Whereas when Elliot does it, it's like a small man suddenly attacking you.

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"He's still only violent 5% of the time - but the consequences of that violence are getting worse and worse."

Ian and Lucy have had to put bars across the window in Elliot's bedroom and locks on the door to help keep him - and their other children - safe.

"You kind of get used to your child's bedroom looking like a cell of some kind," Ian says.

Elliot attends a special school, but the couple say they do not get enough specialist support from their local council.

"You have to get to the point where one of you is hospitalised or you've had to call the police out [for help to arrive]," they say.

For its part, the family's local authority, Hertfordshire County Council, says it does provide a range of care support and is deciding if more help is needed.

One woman who wished to remain anonymous, "Sam", says she "cried and cried" for help from her local authority to look after her teenage son.

She had hoped that one incident, which required her to have a head wound glued after he became violent, would act as a "turning point".

"At first I got a bit of help," she says, before claiming that the council later tried to "wash their hands" of her - providing her with 48 hours' worth of support a year.

One 2011 study, of nearly 1,400 children with autism in the US, found more than half were aggressive or violent towards their families or carers.

Tim Nicholls, from the National Autistic Society, believes parents and families need more support "to help them avoid or de-escalate challenging behaviour".

"Some examples of this would be helping them with positive behavioural strategies or respite for the young person," he adds.

Mr Nicholls is calling on local authorities and NHS England to improve the care they provide.

"If children are not having their needs met, then they are being failed," he says.

"We need a special educational needs and disabilities system that identifies all the needs of autistic children, then puts in place the support and the services to allow them to live the life that they and their families want to live."

'His nature is gentle'
Nineteen-year-old Cameron is one of 700,000 people in the UK on the autism spectrum.

He was diagnosed at the age of three.

"Sometimes you don't know how Cameron's going to react and it is very scary," says his father, Doug Clements.

"The [other] children have to lock themselves in the room because they are so scared."

At the moment, Cameron goes to a specialist centre each day.

However, life at home has become very difficult, and his parents are currently looking for a residential care home for him, run by the local authority for children and vulnerable adults, close to their own home in Surrey.

His mother, Hannah, says the family can no longer manage Cameron's behaviour.

"It's really upsetting, because I love him so much," she says.

"I don't want people to be scared of him, because his nature is gentle.

"I feel sorry for him because he's frustrated, and he can't tell me why or other people why."

Hannah says in the last six years, they have had "no direction at all" from support services, but Surrey County Council said it continued to offer respite care and day support to the family.

'Gone to bed sobbing'
NHS England says it has "set out a clear programme" for those with learning difficulties and autism to "enable more people to live in the community, with the right support, and close to home".

However, the Local Government Association says that while "councils are working hard to make sure children with autism and other special needs get access to the support they need... they have been put in an impossible situation due to increasing demand and historic underfunding".

Elliot Goldsworthy's parents believe their need for support will only become greater as their son gets older.

"We've definitely had moments when we've gone to bed sobbing, and despairing at how this is our life," says Ian.

"But you can't wallow in it too long, because you've got exactly the same life the next day."
 
People saw "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and then thought every Institution was a horror show, and during the late 60s and early 70s a decision was made to deinstitutionalize just about everything. Part of it was saving money (ha) and part of it was this idea that we shouldn't lock up people in rubber rooms unless it is absolutely necessary. This had the unfortunate side effect of making services for people who really need it really scarce--and the infrastructure of places that were closed down 40 years ago is crumbling and abandoned if it hasn't already been bulldozed for strip malls or whatever.
The thing is though is that One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest was actually a watered-down version of what most institutions were really like. A lot of people forget that institutions were complete hellholes that were in serious need of reform. I mean, just look at Willowbrook.


This happened. This wasn't made up. Places like this were real, and in some parts of the world, still are. This is still what some people picture when they think of institutions. This left such an impact that we shut down most of the institutions we had instead of reforming them. And when I think about how horrified and uneducated people were about this stuff back then, I can't really blame them. I mean, where do you even begin to reform that? How can you look at that and not say "Shut. It. Down."?

And it's because of this that we are now in another crisis where we have a rapidly increasing number of mentally disturbed people left in the hands of parents who can't help them and with nowhere to send them. It's a sad fact that while we may have gotten rid of places like Willowbrook, the mentally ill and the people that care for them still suffer.
 
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I knew someone this happened to, and I met other families in this situation through work.

I do feel sorry for the parents. I certainly feel sorry for the ones I knew. Because they had it constantly drilled into them that Good Parents Of Autistics are able to keep them docile and well behaved yada yada, and therefore they had failed.

Thats fine if your kid is an Aspie. My lifelong BFF is an Aspie and the best person I know. These people didn't have kids like him. They had large, violent, unpredictable young adults who absolutely could not be reasoned with or sufficiently grasp a boundary to adhere to it, and puberty had given them a sexual drive they didn't understand and couldn't control.

These parents were bone tired. Weary in a way I have never seen. Worse even than those caring for the terminally ill, because dreadful as it is, the dying eventually die. You don't have to do that forever. Your physically healthy seriously autistic 14 year old son? Shit out of luck there. And they will never, ever get better.

Look, this is the Farms. We are used to describing Chris as cripplingly autistic. He has a driving licence and a high school diploma from a mainstream school. He can feed himself and wash if he chooses. He can draw comics and make youtube videos and hustle weens for money, and go to cons unaccompanied. These kids can't wipe their own asses or ask meaningfully for a drink. All they have is frustration and rage and violence.

I have seen cripplingly autistic, and there is shit all even the most committed and educated parent can do for it.

I cannot and will not blame people for burning out on it. I can blame the decisions at a government level that means there are practically no places to put these young adults where they can have structured care and frankly, containment.
I see it everyday, and I agree.

The aspies are easy. Early intervention and social skill training result in them acting relatively normal. The ones that get support often can pass as completely normal unless you intently study them for days. And they are smart enough that keeping them around is a worthwhile thing (engineers, scientists, programmers, ece).

But autists? completely different story. Even with intense intervention, the best case scenario is they end up as slightly slow adults that spend most of their lives working more menial jobs. In many cases, they end up like chris chan if they are lucky, or like these violent kids.

there needs to be a home for these people. Many are simply too violent and mentally retarded to let out into the world. I think Koby_fish is right. Preventing puberty in these individuals when they are beyond help would do wonders to keep them from becoming extremely destructive individuals, and is probably a bit more humane then hoping them on lithium and letting them slobber to death. If someone is going to tard rage on the regular, the muscle of an 8 year old is preferable to the muscle of an 18 year old.
 
I feel sorry for those with low-functioning autism, but the unfortunate truth is they're a drain on society as a whole. Also, it's entirely the parent's fault when they call their precious mongoloid a gift from God birthed at the age of forty fucking two, and/or not being responsible with good health during pregnancy.
 
I feel sorry for those with low-functioning autism, but the unfortunate truth is they're a drain on society as a whole. Also, it's entirely the parent's fault when they call their precious mongoloid a gift from God birthed at the age of forty fucking two, and/or not being responsible with good health during pregnancy.
It's easy to A-Log Chris and ADF because they're (more or less. Okay less) high-functioning. With these guys it feels like punching way way down.
 
Hormone blockers have major side effects, impacting bone density to the point where young adults need hip replacements and have degenerative disc disease, conditions usually not seen in anyone who isn't AARP-eligible.

Giving it to people who are known to hit and injure themselves is a disaster waiting to happen. You think a 20 year old 300 pound autist is tough to deal with, try making one stay still for the 8-week recovery from his hip operation.
 
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