Internet 1.0 Stories - Tales of the internet past

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I remember i came home from school one day back in 98, my brother said, hey i got something to show you, he shows me NESticle and lets say i was introduce to the greatest thing back then, i played a bunch old nintendo games for hours and one day there was a rom called FUCKO.NES and it was Super Mario Bros except mario was naked and his name was FUCKO and he shot sperm and fought giant penises and stuff then when i found out you could edit the graphics, little boy me was never the same, i like drew pee pee on all the characters in mario 2 because it was funny for 10 year old me, then i found a game called nuts and M I L K off of an old rom site called Ace Roms, and they were changed into penises, well i played the original game way later and fought the real one was the one with penises, and i also would go on Ftp.Cdrom.com to download Doom WADs back then on and i used to play online with people on Jazz Jackrabbit 2 alot and Quakeworld (Used to run around in a ronald mcdonald quake guy skin) and Quake 2 as well, having an older brother had it advantages, if it wasn't for him I don't think i would been a fan of NES games,
 
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Way back in the day Mr. Nekro and I played Diablo 2 online. For reasons I can't remember anymore we played on the EU server. We made friends with a girl our age that mained a barbarian named Ugh. We would always do cow runs together. Farming stuff like SoJ. Me on my Necro, her and my husband on barbs.

We kept in touch long after we stopped playing the game through email. Than one day we stopped hearing from her. We thought real life had gotten in the way or something, a few months later we got an email from a member of her family. She had passed away from breast cancer. She had a viking funeral like she wanted. I miss you Ugh even if you said my necro was too skinny. :(

Farewell my first internet friend.
 
Disgruntled Pupper said:
I vaguely remember an early 2000s humor website that I would check daily. I've been trying to think of the name for years, but it's eluded me. I do remember it hosted the widely popular flash about bombing Osama bin Laden set to the tune of the banana boat song.
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"Air Force come and we flatten your home!" I remember listening to that myself right after 9/11, but - like you - I can't remember the site's name.

I'm not sure if it was the same site or a different site, but some site hosted a Flash parody of Outkast's "Hey Ya" titled "Hey Allah" that featured an animated Saddam Hussein poking fun at America where "shake it like a Polaroid picture" became "hide it like a nuclear weapon."

(edit) Here's Hey Allah:
 
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Yeah I got some. I remember drooling over the thought of jumping on the gay ass Disney website with my slow as shit dial up connection.

Never could though, didn't have internet until much later and by then the last gen consoles had launched.
 
Kiwi Lime Pie said:
"Air Force come and we flatten your home!" I remember listening to that myself right after 9/11, but - like you - I can't remember the site's name.

I'm not sure if it was the same site or a different site, but some site hosted a Flash parody of Outkast's "Hey Ya" titled "Hey Allah" that featured an animated Saddam Hussein poking fun at America where "shake it like a Polaroid picture" became "hide it like a nuclear weapon."
Click to expand...

Sounds like deadarab.com, deadarab.us, or fuckosama.com to me. Used to go there all the time and play Bin Laden killing flash games and watch goofy videos in class.
 
I remember old Counterstrike around 2001-2002 having a chat feature that I used like once or twice, pretending to be older (which the people I talked to on there bought somehow). Old Newgrounds also holds a special place in my heart for the myriad of Matrix flash animations, Krinkels' early Madness animations, and the adult section with that one hentai highschool RPG game with 3 bang-able waifus.

Oh and that German game "Tibia" that could run on a toaster of a computer. If you're a South American kiwi and were on the internet back then I can almost guarantee you played it or at least heard of it. To this day I'm convinced the "BR HUE HUE HUE" meme about South American players in online RPG games got its popularity in no small part from Tibia.

Oh and I remember Warcraft 3 custom maps having shit like porn, lemonparty, or goatse as the map thumbnail, right there on Battlenet. Good times :lol:
 
Here's an oldie but a goodie: http://www.973-eht-namuh-973.com/

It's this schizophrenic fever-dream of a website, entirely coded and written by some insane (math professor/artist?) guy named David Denison that used to paint in the 70s/80s. Here's a picture of the author:
dave.jpg


The whole thing is based off coincidences and matrices of intersections between Abrahamic faith, the bible, symbology, the numbers 9-7-3, etc. There are literally thousands (3.2k) of pages hidden throughout this website and some pretty warped original paintings by the author.

There were stories for years on boards like 4chan's /x/ about this website and the things it held.
People said it contained instructions on how to summon demons, or even defeat them. Or that it reveals conspiracies. Sometimes about how it could be used to predict events... and so forth.
You know, shit about stars gorging on clay and archangels.

Halloween is coming up and this a great thing to show your friends.

Finding info on the author is pretty hard from what I've gathered. The only things I've been able to find are that he lives in the Wakefield, England area and he was born in 1939. It is impressively difficult to find info online about a man who publicly sold artwork and taught university.

Take a trip down the acid turnpike if you dare:
973 eht namuh.PNG
 
Kevin Spencer said:
I don’t remember the name, but I had this internet box you connected to the tv and you could go online.
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WebTV

My brother got banned from our hometown Sears in high school because he and two friends went through and got in to the actual OS for it and locked every single display unit running it in the place to Goatse and Meatspin almost daily for a few weeks before they finally got caught. I'm told my dad was fucking HORRIFIED when the store manager showed him what had been posted. Its amazing he didn't murder my brother
 
stileproject had all the seriously fucked up porn and is why I automatically assume all Germans are terrible deviants
 
I remember a site called 'Image Imagine' or something to that effect that I'd frequent around '02-'03 and fap to the artistic nudes after school. I have no recollection why given how tame they were compared to actual porn. I guess I was just bored of vanilla by then and wasn't aware there was kinkier stuff out there.
 
In my day when I downloaded songs from file sharing sites it would take about an hour for that song to download. My brother used to pull the cord to disconnect when my downloading made the internet go slow.

I once went on some site that was a huge skull and crossbones. It was probably a virus.

Also there was the problem with Limewire where you'd download a song and it ended up being this bad Bill Clinton impression that was advertising some site.

This one time I befriended some guy who claimed to be 18 and he kept trying to romance me and meet me when I was a young teenager. Looking back on it, the man was way older and a creeper. Obviously I never met him.
 
Mr. T ate my balls and all the spin offs. I also remember a site called Buba Fett, Boba Fett's redneck brother that he was a shamed of. Buba was fat and had an EZ drinker with beer on his helmet.
 
My favorite mid 2000s story was when I shat up some XP computer with malware just by opening up a website. That's back when malware went over the top to fuck with you, so it would do things like install at least 5 toolbars on IE, constantly change the homepage and open up more dodgy "internet search" and ad websites than you could imagine, and it brought that blazing fast Pentium 4 to a crawl. It was installing so much malware that I think the system straight up crashed once.
 
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