is there a regular ass Superman thread

[The Lawgiver]

I like lex luthor's bad guy origin being superman accidentally blew too hard during a fire and his hair follicles all came out. I'd fucking hate it too if a super hero who looked kinda vaguely like a guy I knew fucking blew my hair off like a god damn idiot.

I sometimes think about the odd funny shit they used to come up with like "jimmy olsen gets fucking brain swapped with a gorilla". There's a lot of gorilla type antics in superman before the constant sad/evil superman stuff for some reason and people have taken note more and more of it the last few years.

 

[Black Man Underwear]

I like Superman with a big ass. Fits his character more than being a small twink.

 

[Calandrino]

He tanked a nuke to the face and lived.
Thank you for proving my point.
No hero should be able to do that.

One measly nuke? That's a weapon for killing Japanese children. It should take at least a hundred nukes in a row to kill Superman, and the US government has way more than that, so see, it's not that hard to think up threats for Superman even if he is properly-powered.

I hope the Gunn version is even more OP, and he's only bleeding in the trailer because he was just in a fight with 20 Kryptonian ninjas, two clones of Doomsday, Darkseid, and Batman all at the same time.

 

[The Lawgiver]

One measly nuke? That's a weapon for killing Japanese children. It should take at least a hundred nukes in a row to kill Superman, and the US government has way more than that, so see, it's not that hard to think up threats for Superman even if he is properly-powered.

Isn't superman literally weak to irradiated space rocks though

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

you'd think he'd have a SUPER ASS but I guess he's an alien so maybe their genetics are different or something

 

[The Lawgiver]

you'd think he'd have a SUPER ASS but I guess he's an alien so maybe their genetics are different or something

what if he ran into a gorilla with the power of stealing asses or something?

 

[Mac Monster]

you'd think he'd have a SUPER ASS but I guess he's an alien so maybe their genetics are different or something

Since he flies everywhere, he doesn't work out his glutes. It's why he has such a flat pancake ass.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

DCU general isn't bad
also the old cartoons were great

 

[Captain Syrup]

He's way too OP these days, nothing can hurt him.
That makes all the fights boring.

One of the big selling points of Smallville, if you can remember back that far, was that Clark Kent wasn’t Superman yet. He’d get bruised by bullets. But that lasted about five minutes. After that every stick-up guy in rural Kansas had a pocket full of irradiated space rocks.

 

[The Lawgiver]

DCU general isn't bad
also the old cartoons were great

I miss when he jumped more than flew. You can kind of see the logic of the movement here in this one. Whenever he "flies" it's him gliding or swinging on something, pretty neat.

 

[Your Starter for 10]

Superman fun fact: The symbol on his chest is an 'S' and it stands for 'Superman.'

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I miss when he jumped more than flew. You can kind of see the logic of the movement here in this one. Whenever he "flies" it's him gliding or swinging on something, pretty neat.

yeah early on he was able to "leap tall buildings in a single bound" not "just sorta hover and do whatever the fuck"
most of his initial skillset is basically a ripoff of John Carter

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

Spoiler

This is adorable, but every time I watch it, I can't help but wonder why his soy dad doesn't just pick that little boy up and help him 'fly' around the room. He's small enough, it's not like he'd be too heavy to lift. He wants to be Superman!

 

[Calandrino]

also the old cartoons were great

This one has Hitler getting assmad about Superman ruining his plans at the end:

I sometimes think about the odd funny shit they used to come up with like "jimmy olsen gets fucking brain swapped with a gorilla". There's a lot of gorilla type antics in superman before the constant sad/evil superman stuff for some reason and people have taken note more and more of it the last few years.

In this cartoon, he battles a GORILLA. It is either the size of King Kong, or slightly large, depending on the scene:

Note that nothing even remotely comes close to hurting Superman in any of these cartoons.

 

[The Lawgiver]

In this cartoon, he battles a GORILLA. It is either the size of King Kong, or slightly large, depending on the scene:

If they knew how fucking evil elephants can be in terms of enacting plans to murder people once something's gone off key enough they'd have superman team up with the gorilla and fight the elephants or something maybe. Still, watching a dude fight a larger than average gorilla is something for sure.

 

[Tablet County]

If Superman had poor sight, then he wouldn't be super, he'd be flying into buildings and shit which is decidedly NOT super

That explains Henry Cavill's Superman.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

what if he ran into a gorilla with the power of stealing asses or something?

“I can’t believe Lois is marrying a GORILLA… but how can I tell her that it’s stolen MY ASS?”
NOT a dream! NOT an imaginary story!