ITT I predict your thought crimes

TurdFondler

TurdFondler

BBQ Wars Casualty
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 27, 2020
I'm an end times prophet and can see exactly what fate you'll meet in Clownworld.

Myself, I'll be arrested in 2025 while trying to pick up Josh Moon's biweekly lolcow report over unauthorized shortwave radio. I'll hesitate almost imperceptibly when the local girldick commissar drops xir pants. I'll spend the rest of my days doing back breaking labor on an Uncle Klaus brand cricket farm.

Post below to see your future.
 
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plgfarts said:
The idea of a cyberpunkesque network of illegal shortwave repeaters broadcasting weekly updates of various troons and lolcows both amuses and terrifies me.
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At a dinner party you accidentally imply that there exist a finite number of genders, a member of the Inner Party is present and you disappear that night never to be seen again.
Fetish Roulette said:
How do I go out?
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You are beaten senseless and left for dead by a group of fifth grade Social Justice Cadets after not helping an elderly woman into a suicide pod.
 
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Book Thief said:
May I shake the Magic 8 Ball?
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You live quite a long time. Everyone marvels at your gigantic antique 9x8' pod and vintage 80g/day protein vouchers. In a fit of dementia you commit a federal crime by trying to pay for your all-soy coffee analog with some crumpled dollar bills. The terrified store clerk saves himself from treason charges by shattering your skull with the espresso machine.
 
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Reactions: Toolbox, NoReturn, Tard Whisperer and 2 others
Xanax and Wine said:
I'm sure I'll be fine. R... right?
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Your state appointed spouse is tolerable, and you end up even fond of her. One day over breakfast you make a joke about the Gold Standard. You don't even realize she's pressed her panic button before they're pulling your teeth out with pliers in the back of a Civil Obedience van.
 
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Stabmaster Arson said:
Getting in on this now before there are a thousand posts and op gives up.

What is my fate?
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15 hours into a 3 day shift at the Amazon Spaceport you drop a portable Thorium generator onto your feet. A picking robot overhears you yell "God damn it!"

You're sent to an automated theist deprogramming centre. You spend 4 days kneeling before a stained glass image of Lord Bezos before expiring of thirst.
 
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Apotheosis of the Liver said:
What is a leaf in the clownworld?
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Your microchip malfunctions and no longer logs your mandatory YouTube viewing hours. At the end of the month you're sent a backlog notice, with a 30% daily interest. You end up selling your eyes to an organ donor and settling the debt in cash. No longer able to work you become homeless and die of exposure the following winter.
 
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selfKaiHarness said:
Desire my fate. I wish to see my worst.
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delirious and heat exhausted from a day of breaking up carbon neutral coal at the EcoGreen Coal Power Plant, you feel a slight breeze and ask your coworkers if they remember A.C.
A few people stop working for a moment and smile.

The chain gang boss drowns you in a shallow puddle, terrified the thought contagion might spread.
 
TurdFondler said:
delirious and heat exhausted from a day of breaking up carbon neutral coal at the EcoGreen Coal Power Plant, you feel a slight breeze and ask your coworkers if they remember A.C.
A few people stop working for a moment and smile.

The chain gang boss drowns you in a shallow puddle, terrified the thought contagion might spread.
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Welp, that escalated quickly. I thank you for this.
 
polyester said:
Et moi?
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Through trial and error you find a way to ferment soy and crickets into wine. You give a bottle to your pod mate and in return he offers you a handful of real beansprouts. Youare both arrested on tax evasion the next day.
 
Me after these two, please! I must know if it's typhoon, fire, or earthquake that will get me. (All three?)
 
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