ITT I predict your thought crimes

LMFAOForgotPw said:
Whats my thought crime high score?
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The Quantum Computers designed to power Meta finally come online. Zuckerberg is at last able to analyze every piece of human data. You are found to have made a few off color remarks in the change room in a sixth grade gym class. You escape the death penalty by agreeing to become Meta property, and are eventually sold to the Chinese and are a slave working on a fishing trawler for the rest of your life.
urr13 account said:
Lay it on me, Turdfondler. How do I meet my maker?
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You sign up for a dating platform and the algorithm notices you have not once swiped right on anyone underaged. You tearfully admit you're a Pedophobe after being hung upside down in a meat locker for two days. You are allowed to redeem yourself by getting your dick flipped but die during the procedure.
 
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Die Oberste Direktive said:
I would like my though crime predicted, please.
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You care for a tiny (highly illegal and unauthorized) basil plant. It's the only living flora you've ever touched. Eventually the occupancy sensors detect unusual levels of oxygen and CO2. The automated psychological evaluation determines crimes of such scale and magnitude render reeducation pointless. You are used as fertilizer on a vertical farm.
 
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Mega Black said:
Tell me my fate so that I may attempt to avoid it great prophet.
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You bring a date over to your pod. Zhe notices you do not have any funko pops displayed on your shelves. You show zer your Netflix history, you've watched all the latest Marvel shows, not just the mandatory ones. She remains unconvinced. You're reported to the Consumer Oversight Bureau and 35% of your pay cheque is re allocated to automatic Amazon purchases. You can no longer afford insulin and collapse on the factory line a week later.
 
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I'm going in the woods, you'll never catch me!
 
NoReturn said:
I'm going in the woods, you'll never catch me!
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You spend your monthly day off on a museum tour where you learn about America's early years. You learn about how America was established as a diversity utopia, and how this angered the British. You're introduced to the brave men and women of color fought for America. Once the tour concludes you quietly ask the curator about George Washington and the constitution and 1776. She tases you and you're thrown into a replica oubliette.

Onni Kalsarikännit said:
Joke's on you, I can't commit thought crimes bc I can't think.
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You've taken your weekly vaccine booster, this one for the SARS COV2 Epsilon-Gamma IIB hybrid sub variant. You're weak and febrile, but you feel cold. You cannot force a smile for the thermal camera. The medical officer asks if something's wrong. You answer that you feel ill, and that you had been vaccinated the day prior.

"Don't you trust the science?" He screams into your ear while beating you with a clipboard. You cough up phlegm and fall to the ground in coughing spasms. You die after aspirating your own vomit.
 
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Good luck, I'm already dead, this is an automated message from my social media bot.
 
Doxmatix said:
Good luck, I'm already dead, this is an automated message from my social media bot.
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You enter a chess tournament. Because the game was rooted in colonial concepts all the pieces have been replaced with black kings & queens. You politely and discreetly ask the organizers how the game is to be played.

WE WUZ KANGZ he bellows, and the crowd goes wild echoing the chant. You are dragged to the George Floyd remembrance chamber and locked inside. The air is pumped out, you struggle to breathe.
 
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Honestly, probably something boring like referring to my old acquaintance from my college days by her natal pronouns one time too many on purpose. Realistically though, if we get to thoughtcrime levels of clownworld, I will probably have already been executed for actual crimes.
 
Toolbox said:
What does the wandering propane salesman foretell?
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You're in a mall, keeping the 10ft separation between yourself and others and wearing a personal o2 supply. You see someone cough without even trying to hide it. You ignore it. On your way out, you are stopped by security. You've conspired against biosecurity laws by failing to report a suspected outbreak. A biohazard symbol is laser tattooed into your forehead and all your assets seized. You die soon after of a tooth infection as no hospital will take you.

Sexual Chocolate said:
Hoping it'll be death during (heterosexual) sex :tomgirl:
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You're enrolled at The King's College, brought to you by Burger King. As usual, the semester is oversold so you have to get to campus before 4:00am to get a seat. Because of your immense fatigue, you fail to memorize all of the colors on the gender spectrum. Even though you graduate with a solid C average you're forever blacklisted as a right wing terrorist. Even though you've got a 3 year Bachelor of Burger Arts certificate, no Burger King will hire you. You're forced to sell a kidney to pay for a degree at Ronald's McUniversity, but the surgeon takes both.
 
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