ITT: We post importent lifehacks - Ill start:

[Agran]

1-If you are thirsty remember that your body consists in 70% of pure water. You are thirsty. So thirsty, Rip out your veins DRINK WHAT'S INSIDE YOU ARE SO THIRSTY
SINK YOUR TEETH INTO YOUR FLESH SEVER THE TENDONS SUCK OUT THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES SO THIRSTY YOU THIRST CONSUME YOUR ORGANS THEY LOOK SO SUCCULENT SO THIRSTY ONLY IN DEATH WILL YOU SATE YOUR THIRST
2- Tear doWN YOUR WALLS THERE'S PEOPLE LIVING IN THEM THERE'S CAMERAS IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR ROOM TAPE IT TAPE IT
UP BOLT YOUR DOORS SHUT THEY ARE TRYING TO GET YOU THEY ARE TRYING TO GET YOU REPENT FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN'S AT HAND REPENT FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN'S AT HAND REPENT FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN'S AT HAND

 

[NigKid]

3- There is NO GOD EVERY TIME YOU SAY AMEN YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR LOCATION TO THE SERVANTS OF THE DEVIL KINGDOM THEY WILL COME AND EAT YOUR ORGANS THERE IS NO HOPE ONLY PAIN
4- If your toothpaste tastes like mint it IS ACTUALLY MADE FROM ORPHAN BOYS BONE MARROW IF YOU PUT YOUR EAR TO THE TUBE YOU WILL HEAR THEIR SCREAMS ECHOING INTO THE ENDLESS DARKNESS

 

[TheShedCollector]

5- If you order a pizza and have some leftovers, put a small half glass of water in the microwave when you reheat it. It'll keep the base and crust much nicer.

 

[Tism the Return]

6.- When you take naps, you should make sure of sleeping for about 30 minutes else you'll still feel exhausted afterwards.

 

[Sharkbait]

7. If you have a rodent infestation, mop the floor with vinegar and water. Sprinkle mint oil on places where they're likely to go, they hate the smell and will even teach future generations to avoid the place

 

[round robin]

8. Don't listen to anyone else. You must kill yourself. You have to. It is your only choice.

 

[misterduckford]

9. AIDS is actually a very fun way to die

 

[pisswomble]

10. Your cock is the only thing stopping you from being a real woman, and even that's not really stopping you if you just tuck it in.

 

[karz]

Freakin' sweet Lois! A Schizo thread.

 

[Haffhart]

11. I posted this somewhere else, but when peeling an orange close your eyes so juice doesn't squirt in them.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

12. It's spelled "important" not "importent" you mongoloid.

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

13-If you get rust in the water coming from your pipes, antisemitic violence is a quick & cheap fix.

 

[Coelacanth]

14. Did you know you can get the True & Honest Fan rank by sending Null pictures of your feet? Try it! I sent him mine and he said he'd get back to me in 30 days because there's so many feet pics he has to check!

 

[Sharkbait]

15. Heavy smoking is cheaper than a retirement fund.

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

16. You can improve the taste of your water by adding some lead or mercury

 

[Cool Dog]

17. black people are actually brown

 

[Tragi-Chan]

18. You can save on your water bills by not showering and only flushing your toilet once every few days. Did you know urine is mostly water? Wash your hands with urine to save water AND time!

 

[Sharkbait]

19. Do not fuck your own mother. It's like keying your own car!

 

[Snuckening]

20. You can save the time and money, usually invested in courting a boyfriend-free girl, by simply fucking your own mother!!

 

[zero-who]

21. Need a quick and easy way to lose your virginity? Seek a career as a mortician! Attractive people die every day, and sometimes their insides are still warm.