itt you are an ugly mutt who has just been sorted into Slytherin House by the sorting hat

[The Lawgiver]

Reminder Harry potter was gonna be Slytherin but he fucking hated that snot nosed blonde bitch kid so intensely he demanded the sentient hat put him in any other house. Kinda makes you wonder if shit like that happened at that school at the regular or the hat realized just how much he fucked up letting a bottom bitch like malfoy into the cool snake house. I don't think anyone got picked for slytherin after that either, makes you think.

 

[I'm Retarded?]

the funniest part of those books to me was how the protagonist is a heretofore normal boy experiencing the excitement and wonder of being swept out of his awful normal life and inducted into the clearly much more awesome parallel magical society; however, even though being able to use magic makes life a million times cooler and all the weird and goony personalities in the magic world are way more interesting than any of the boring normal British people, it's actually extremely problematic to say that non-magical people are somehow inferior or that, god forbid, the magic world, whose superiority is practically dripping off the walls, should interfere with normal, boring, shitty society in any way. instead the people who enjoy a natural proclivity for what would otherwise be considered superhuman abilities must live wretchedly between the cracks of nonmagical society, which they still manage to do gloriously due to their proficiency with editing reality at will. these people, who can create spaces that shouldn't physically exist, or cause objects to automagically filter the perceptions of observers, who can literally strike somebody dead on the spot by wiggling their magic stick a specific way and saying some words, must cower from the light of observation every minute of their lives so they don't get pwned by the wizard cops for being criminally cool in the presence of cringe normies. and the big evil archvillain is the guy who thinks that sounds a little like some bullshit

 

[Gender: Xenomorph]

the funniest part of those books to me was how the protagonist is a heretofore normal boy experiencing the excitement and wonder of being swept out of his awful normal life and inducted into the clearly much more awesome parallel magical society; however, even though being able to use magic makes life a million times cooler and all the weird and goony personalities in the magic world are way more interesting than any of the boring normal British people, it's actually extremely problematic to say that non-magical people are somehow inferior or that, god forbid, the magic world, whose superiority is practically dripping off the walls, should interfere with normal, boring, shitty society in any way. instead the people who enjoy a natural proclivity for what would otherwise be considered superhuman abilities must live wretchedly between the cracks of nonmagical society, which they still manage to do gloriously due to their proficiency with editing reality at will. these people, who can create spaces that shouldn't physically exist, or cause objects to automagically filter the perceptions of observers, who can literally strike somebody dead on the spot by wiggling their magic stick a specific way and saying some words, must cower from the light of observation every minute of their lives so they don't get pwned by the wizard cops for being criminally cool in the presence of cringe normies. and the big evil archvillain is the guy who thinks that sounds a little like some bullshit

It literally makes no sense why magic is being kept away from muggles at all times. They've been seen curing wounds, rebuilding cities, help so much, they just don't. Don't get me wrong, they use this magic for themselves, they just don't let muggles play with it for some reason?

It's not like muggles could use it for evil or even better than actual wizards. Speaking of which, what makes a wizard more magically oriented than a muggle in HP world? They just seem like dicks who just monopolized magic and keep it to themselves.

I get the appeal of secret magic society bla bla, but the whole muggle vs wizards makes no sense. Like TERF queen failed to build a realistic world and justify it.

 

[Mysterious Girlfriend X]

After being sorted, I pull an entire uncooked butterball turkey out of my coat, animate it, and throw it at the Hufflepuff table while calling them mudblood faggots.

 

[The Lawgiver]

It literally makes no sense why magic is being kept away from muggles at all times. They've been seen curing wounds, rebuilding cities, help so much, they just don't. Don't get me wrong, they use this magic for themselves, they just don't let muggles play with it for some reason?

It's not like muggles could use it for evil or even better than actual wizards. Speaking of which, what makes a wizard more magically oriented than a muggle in HP world? They just seem like dicks who just monopolized magic and keep it to themselves.

I get the appeal of secret magic society bla bla, but the whole muggle vs wizards makes no sense. Like TERF queen failed to build a realistic world and justify it.

Muggle is just the wizard N word for non magic users. Replace every instance of "muggle" with "Nigger" and you realize they really are just extremely fucking discriminatory against people who can't naturally tap into the magic power shit and feel the need to self isolate, save for maybe Hagrid who got in trouble with the wizard law and lost his magic usage license because he had a funny giant spider. He still uses muggle super fucking casually though. Meanwhile, his autistic edgelord classmate fucking tom riddle grows up to run a wizard mafia that terrorizes both magic and non-magic users equally while giving himself a new edgy name. This is a secret society that has developed a way to just point at someone with a stick and kill them instantly with a magic laser and employs literal demon monsters as prison guards. that shit was bound to happen eventually. doesn't matter if you make that shit illegal someone's gonna use it. Congratulations wizarding world you let the equivalent of a kid that would probably be a school shooter in and he now has the point to kill you and soul splitting conditional immortality ritual via murder knowledge. whoopsie FUCKING doodles! Muggles can't fucking defend themselves because you literally actively hide the knowledge of how to deal with shit like that from not just them but a good majority of your society! OOPS! THEY'RE NOW IN YOUR GOVERNMENT NOW TOO!


As for what sets Wizards apart from Muggles it's literally just the same shit as being force sensitive in star wars. However, not even the fucking Jedi hid knowledge from people. We see in the prequels they had a big fucking public building literally anyone could enter and read up on the force and shit even if they couldn't do it. it's shown time and time again in both the OT and prequels the force and jedis are well fucking known, considered a dying/dead religion in the OT and more widely prevalent in the prequels but treated like traditional monks where only the jedi and the sith really practice stuff involving using the force despite a number of characters being force sensitive or not. Basically what I'm saying is Anikin's funny blue goblin adoptive dad and legal slave owner Watto could kick voldemort's ass probably. He's not a jedi but he can fly and woowoo magic shit like mind control doesn't work on him.

 

[Yezidi Fan Club]

Muggle is just the wizard N word for non magic users. Replace every instance of "muggle" with "Nigger" and you realize they really are just extremely fucking discriminatory against people who can't naturally tap into the magic power shit and feel the need to self isolate, save for maybe Hagrid who got in trouble with the wizard law and lost his magic usage license because he had a funny giant spider. He still uses muggle super fucking casually though. Meanwhile, his autistic edgelord classmate fucking tom riddle grows up to run a wizard mafia that terrorizes both magic and non-magic users equally while giving himself a new edgy name. This is a secret society that has developed a way to just point at someone with a stick and kill them instantly with a magic laser and employs literal demon monsters as prison guards. that shit was bound to happen eventually. doesn't matter if you make that shit illegal someone's gonna use it. Congratulations wizarding world you let the equivalent of a kid that would probably be a school shooter in and he now has the point to kill you and soul splitting conditional immortality ritual via murder knowledge. whoopsie FUCKING doodles! Muggles can't fucking defend themselves because you literally actively hide the knowledge of how to deal with shit like that from not just them but a good majority of your society! OOPS! THEY'RE NOW IN YOUR GOVERNMENT NOW TOO!


As for what sets Wizards apart from Muggles it's literally just the same shit as being force sensitive in star wars. However, not even the fucking Jedi hid knowledge from people. We see in the prequels they had a big fucking public building literally anyone could enter and read up on the force and shit even if they couldn't do it. it's shown time and time again in both the OT and prequels the force and jedis are well fucking known, considered a dying/dead religion in the OT and more widely prevalent in the prequels but treated like traditional monks where only the jedi and the sith really practice stuff involving using the force despite a number of characters being force sensitive or not. Basically what I'm saying is Anikin's funny blue goblin adoptive dad and legal slave owner Watto could kick voldemort's ass probably. He's not a jedi but he can fly and woowoo magic shit like mind control doesn't work on him.

Muggle is just the wizard N word for non magic users. Replace every instance of "muggle" with "Nigger" and you realize they really are just extremely fucking discriminatory against people who can't naturally tap into the magic power shit and feel the need to self isolate, save for maybe Hagrid who got in trouble with the wizard law and lost his magic usage license because he had a funny giant spider. He still uses muggle super fucking casually though. Meanwhile, his autistic edgelord classmate fucking tom riddle grows up to run a wizard mafia that terrorizes both magic and non-magic users equally while giving himself a new edgy name. This is a secret society that has developed a way to just point at someone with a stick and kill them instantly with a magic laser and employs literal demon monsters as prison guards. that shit was bound to happen eventually. doesn't matter if you make that shit illegal someone's gonna use it. Congratulations wizarding world you let the equivalent of a kid that would probably be a school shooter in and he now has the point to kill you and soul splitting conditional immortality ritual via murder knowledge. whoopsie FUCKING doodles! Muggles can't fucking defend themselves because you literally actively hide the knowledge of how to deal with shit like that from not just them but a good majority of your society! OOPS! THEY'RE NOW IN YOUR GOVERNMENT NOW TOO!


As for what sets Wizards apart from Muggles it's literally just the same shit as being force sensitive in star wars. However, not even the fucking Jedi hid knowledge from people. We see in the prequels they had a big fucking public building literally anyone could enter and read up on the force and shit even if they couldn't do it. it's shown time and time again in both the OT and prequels the force and jedis are well fucking known, considered a dying/dead religion in the OT and more widely prevalent in the prequels but treated like traditional monks where only the jedi and the sith really practice stuff involving using the force despite a number of characters being force sensitive or not. Basically what I'm saying is Anikin's funny blue goblin adoptive dad and legal slave owner Watto could kick voldemort's ass probably. He's not a jedi but he can fly and woowoo magic shit like mind control doesn't work on him.

Hey maaaaaaan Why we gotta make it racial, maaaaaaaaaan

All joking aside, maybe having more in our neck of the woods will better prepare people for the world to come and improve our chances of winning the next state championship. Everybody wins

 

[Yezidi Fan Club]

Reminder Harry potter was gonna be Slytherin but he fucking hated that snot nosed blonde bitch kid so intensely he demanded the sentient hat put him in any other house. Kinda makes you wonder if shit like that happened at that school at the regular or the hat realized just how much he fucked up letting a bottom bitch like malfoy into the cool snake house. I don't think anyone got picked for slytherin after that either, makes you think.

The real moral of the story is that Harry saves the malfoys because the love and hope of his friendships is what made him jealous enough to harass him all through school.. because he wanted to have that for himself.

Even the blonde guys parents, whose career as something that boils down to a liason between wizard government and the school board in order to keep both parties clean of each other, are affected by it. The malfoys family is toxic because the training and function of their careers molded them into that.

It's basically a Christian story about loving your enemies except made palpable to people who did not grow up in the church. The entire series should be renamed Saving Private Malfoy.

Not shown; the Crabbe and Doyle redemption arc. I guess the author only cares about people she can Jill off too hah