It’s nice to feel represented. Seeing part of yourself in media makes you feel less alone, more seen, more valid. That’s why I always love it when someone comes out. Well, mostly why. The queer agenda to slowly eradicate the straights and live in a gay utopia plays a big part, but mostly it’s the representation thing.
However, in today’s parasocial world where those we look up to and whose content we consume on a regular basis are easier to reach out to than ever, being queer can also become a responsibility. A lot of young or recently out queer people seek the guidance of those in the spotlight, but it’s hard to set an example when you’re still coming to grips with your identity yourself.
Discovering my bisexuality was, fortunately, relatively easy. It’s the third letter in LGBT, and there are a lot of bi people out there, so it wasn’t some mystery I never had a chance of understanding. Though the depiction of bi people in media is often drenched in stereotypes, they’re at least known enough that I had the words to describe myself. For some people on the queer spectrum, such as those who are asexual and aromantic, representation is far harder to find.
In the broadest terms, aromantic means you have little to no romantic attraction to people, and asexual means you have little to no sexual attraction to people. The only major asexual or aromantic representation I can think of in popular culture is Todd Chavez in BoJack Horseman - other characters are the subject of fan speculation as aro/ace, but Todd is one of the few to actually say the word ‘asexual’. The Netflix show offers a deep, complex, mature look into asexuality, and touches on why aro/ace people often grow up thinking they have to be with someone, even if that’s actually detrimental to their own happiness.
Jaiden Animations, a YouTuber who posts energetic, wonderfully animated videos of themselves completing various gaming challenges like Pokemon Nuzlockes or Cooking Mama speedruns, recently came out as aro/ace. As Jaiden explains in her video, since almost all media aimed at kids and teens contains heterosexual love and romance, she grew up feeling as though something was wrong with her for not developing crushes on people.
Jaiden has now come to terms with how being aro/ace means she doesn’t need a partner in life to feel fulfilled or normal. She still has friends and family but doesn’t need any romance. While she’s chosen to share that revelation with her 11 million subscribers in order to increase the amount of aro/ace representation available, she was also quick to point out her boundaries.
She explains that while some asexual people are completely turned off by the thought of sex, others simply don’t mind it or will do it to make their partner happy but says she won’t go into where she falls on that spectrum. You don’t need to know if a bi person sways more one way than the other after all. Those are the personal details that aren’t necessary for the big picture stuff: Jaiden’s aro/ace. This works to not only enforce some personal boundaries for her but also to help aro/ace fans who may be looking to her to set an example for how they should enact their queerness. If they start to obsess over the little things they could feel they need to be exactly like her, rather than whatever they feel most comfortable as.
Her video serves as a way to let her fans know where she’s at with her sexuality, but also as a friendly reminder that she values her privacy and isn’t going to be going into any further details on the more intimate aspects of her life - something that’s not always easy as a big creator. It also emphasises that even on the aro/ace spectrums, people are different.
Young queers have fewer people to look up to than their straight friends, so it’s tempting to latch on to queer creators in a very parasocial manner. Jaiden’s done a fantastic job of using her platform to increase aro/ace representation and visibility while also ensuring any fans discovering their own sexualities don’t feel the need to compare themselves to her too rigorously. She doesn’t have to be the perfect representation of a spectrum - no single person can be - and her fans don’t need to have an identity crisis over whether they’re as ace as she is - everybody wins. Also, I’m happy the queers are continuing to take over the world.
