- Joined
- Aug 5, 2019
Thank you for taking the bullet for us fren.
Rest recover and come back.
Rest recover and come back.
Let's Sperg JAIMAS PLAYS A TERRIBLE GAME: Smash MAGA by Twin Trouble - In which Jaimas has to take a lap.
- Thread starter Jaimas
- Start date
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2018
I honestly am torn on whether these donuts are serious or we're being seriously punked.
Because holy fuck does this stuff come off as not just cringy but downright questionable at best and awful at worst.
Because holy fuck does this stuff come off as not just cringy but downright questionable at best and awful at worst.
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2018
They should release a version where you play as a MAGA zombie that tries to get the highest Antifa kill count.
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2020
This kind of reminds me of the infamous idea where they tried to make a video game behind the Columbine High School shooting.
When news came out, they later scrapped the idea.
When news came out, they later scrapped the idea.
- Joined
- May 9, 2017
Thank you for playing this so I didn't have to.
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2020
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2016
So I guess trans-compliant tampons were just too classy?
This game is surreal in how blatant it is and I especially love the black thug allies, that are nothing but an expandable meatshield to the presumably college-educated white middle class Antifa-rioter protagonist. Is there a bonus level where the protagonist diddles blonde kids? Cause I feel there totally should be one, just to cover all the bases.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
Now that I've had some time to detox and sort my thoughts, I'd thought I'd add a little post-script to this one.
Most of the time, when I do these games, it's specifically to try to milk some funny out of them, or at least some clever insight. If I can entertain you guys for a few minutes and maybe get a laugh out of you with a stupid joke I made during the review, then the whole thing was worth it. Most of the time, I can pry at least a few nuggets of comedy out of the game or segue into a humorous story and we can all get some enjoyment out of it.
Extreme Meatpunks Forever, for example, has completely unlikable protagonists, a political message that, for lack of a better term, is a conneiseur of fine spray paints, but I was able to find it endlessly fascinating, for all of its problems. "Games" like Nora Reed's Patriarchy Simulator 2000 or Laura Kate Dale's Game Critic Simulator, by all accounts, don't even belong on the JPATG Bottom Ten, but managed to plow their way in via multiple Kiwis asking for them and their developers having the balls to try to get money for them, something true of Depression Quest.
So one thing I can give Smash MAGA is that at least it didn't do that shit. But the thing is, Patriarchy Simulator 2000 was so content-barren that I was able to play a Touhou Fangame and pretend that was the game instead. Part of me wanted to do the exact same thing with Game Critic Simulator, this time with Block Lives Matter (a game driven off the internet by activist speds, but lovingly archived by shitlords like us), but by that point I'd already done the joke and you'd all be expecting it, so I had to play it straight and go for the throat, because if you're going to use Unity to shit something that fucking cynical and zero-effort out and then have the balls to ask for donations over it, then I'm not going to hold back.
The thing is, when I saw the trailer for Smash MAGA, I was actually really interested. It's why I got right on making an episode for it. Just looking at it, I knew this game was going to be a fucking mess. I was hoping, however, that it would at least be a mess that met me half-way. I never feel like I have to do that much to rip apart a shitty activist game; I just switch on the thing and take screenshots and just let the game's terrible fucking implications and ineptitude do itself in. It's like infamous lolcow MarioTehPlumber in that regard. But god, Smash MAGA was a horrendous experience, and to outdo ReGiCiDe in particular, a game where the thing can become unplayable if the RNG doesn't work right in the opening rooms, where the game runs at 4 frames per second on a fucking lightweight of an engine is practically a lifetime achievement award on its own.
The fucking technical problems this game gave me were a sight to behold, though, and enough that I actually flagged down a friend to get his expertise on the matter. He theorized that the game's massive loading sequences and terrible performance hangs are because it never culls or hides objects, so you just have the whole map with every object on it at all times. This would also explain the crashing problems, since they mostly were the game trying to buffer my commands while the game was chugging. It also would explain why you're reliably able to hit enemies BVR with the Mask Gun and Crossbow; the enemies are always there, even if you can't see them for being offscreen. I'd test it further myself but that would involve me willingly subjecting myself to this thing again.
The politics of this shitheap are practically an afterthought compared to the technical problems the game has: There's not a hell of a lot to say about them. Like many of the shitty political games excreted out onto the internet by extremist groups, it basically makes serves as a real-time argument for why the politics being pushed by the developers are fucking pants-on-head stupid. This is not a phenomenon unique to Smash MAGA, either; if you flag down shitty games by the National Alliance or Wheelmaker Studios, they do the same fucking thing from the opposite political angle. It's always been like this, even back when it was Super KKK Bros and Blackman 2.
Most of the time, when I do these games, it's specifically to try to milk some funny out of them, or at least some clever insight. If I can entertain you guys for a few minutes and maybe get a laugh out of you with a stupid joke I made during the review, then the whole thing was worth it. Most of the time, I can pry at least a few nuggets of comedy out of the game or segue into a humorous story and we can all get some enjoyment out of it.
Extreme Meatpunks Forever, for example, has completely unlikable protagonists, a political message that, for lack of a better term, is a conneiseur of fine spray paints, but I was able to find it endlessly fascinating, for all of its problems. "Games" like Nora Reed's Patriarchy Simulator 2000 or Laura Kate Dale's Game Critic Simulator, by all accounts, don't even belong on the JPATG Bottom Ten, but managed to plow their way in via multiple Kiwis asking for them and their developers having the balls to try to get money for them, something true of Depression Quest.
So one thing I can give Smash MAGA is that at least it didn't do that shit. But the thing is, Patriarchy Simulator 2000 was so content-barren that I was able to play a Touhou Fangame and pretend that was the game instead. Part of me wanted to do the exact same thing with Game Critic Simulator, this time with Block Lives Matter (a game driven off the internet by activist speds, but lovingly archived by shitlords like us), but by that point I'd already done the joke and you'd all be expecting it, so I had to play it straight and go for the throat, because if you're going to use Unity to shit something that fucking cynical and zero-effort out and then have the balls to ask for donations over it, then I'm not going to hold back.
The thing is, when I saw the trailer for Smash MAGA, I was actually really interested. It's why I got right on making an episode for it. Just looking at it, I knew this game was going to be a fucking mess. I was hoping, however, that it would at least be a mess that met me half-way. I never feel like I have to do that much to rip apart a shitty activist game; I just switch on the thing and take screenshots and just let the game's terrible fucking implications and ineptitude do itself in. It's like infamous lolcow MarioTehPlumber in that regard. But god, Smash MAGA was a horrendous experience, and to outdo ReGiCiDe in particular, a game where the thing can become unplayable if the RNG doesn't work right in the opening rooms, where the game runs at 4 frames per second on a fucking lightweight of an engine is practically a lifetime achievement award on its own.
The fucking technical problems this game gave me were a sight to behold, though, and enough that I actually flagged down a friend to get his expertise on the matter. He theorized that the game's massive loading sequences and terrible performance hangs are because it never culls or hides objects, so you just have the whole map with every object on it at all times. This would also explain the crashing problems, since they mostly were the game trying to buffer my commands while the game was chugging. It also would explain why you're reliably able to hit enemies BVR with the Mask Gun and Crossbow; the enemies are always there, even if you can't see them for being offscreen. I'd test it further myself but that would involve me willingly subjecting myself to this thing again.
The politics of this shitheap are practically an afterthought compared to the technical problems the game has: There's not a hell of a lot to say about them. Like many of the shitty political games excreted out onto the internet by extremist groups, it basically makes serves as a real-time argument for why the politics being pushed by the developers are fucking pants-on-head stupid. This is not a phenomenon unique to Smash MAGA, either; if you flag down shitty games by the National Alliance or Wheelmaker Studios, they do the same fucking thing from the opposite political angle. It's always been like this, even back when it was Super KKK Bros and Blackman 2.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2019
How did the developers find time to make the game in between having no less than 4 or 5 cocks in their mouth at any given moment?
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2019
Based on your description, @Jaimas, this sounds like an absolutely terrible "game" that wouldn't even be fun to mock while playing it.
Nah, we're just looking at a terrible game and laughing at it.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
That was my biggest problem by far.
The technical problems were a massive hang-up because when the game wasn't crashing, giving me the aforementioned bugs, or running at a framerate that calls to mind Virtual Hydlide, the game is asking you to smash "windows" - in this case, colored transparent overlays over buildings blatantly photoshopped in via Google Image Search and occasionally tilted to fake perspective using the skew tool - which you have to do to acquire power-ups, most of which are also JPGs of shit from Google Imge Search. Most of the buildings have people on the sidewalk and badly-photoshopped-on posters of support and pro-BLM graffiti added. What this means is that while we're not quite at the point where I officially did more work than the developer in my review of it (as was the case with James Corbett's magnum opus, Patriarchy Simulator 2000, Depression Quest, or Game Critic Simulator), but we're at the point where nothing about this game macks of care for the medium or actual quality.
In fact, it's gotten to the point where I'm going to revise the JPATG Bottom Ten, and also put new requirements for it going forward: Namely, no Visual novels with no interactivity, no text games, and nothing made in Bitsy, Twine, or similar unless it actually has something worth covering. A Bottom Ten candidate wants to be a text game, it better damn well be an adventure game like The Lurking Horror or something like Wizard's Castle, or we're done here, and of course, this means it's going to have to crash and burn hard to get to the Bottom 10. I want the true garbage down there.
This essentially means that we will not see Laura Kate Dale, James Corbett, Nora Reed, and Zoe Quinn dominating the fucking bottom ten of true trash without earning it proper. I will still review their fucking trash for your amusement, of course, but until they earn it, they're not getting back in the bottom 10.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
So recently, my computer died. It had a good run, but it was getting up in its years, and ultimately, it went onto its eternal reward courtesy of an HD issue. Not quite dead, but certainly on life support. It was no big deal because I was able to get a dedicated gaming PC in about a day (had the money for it), so I was back so quickly most wouldn't even know I had anything happen. Some good news to come of this is that I had a bunch of games I could barely run or not run before running at full settings with no problems now, and I dig it.
Purely out of morbid curiousity, however, I fired up this fucking shit-show, to see how it ran, compared to my old rig.
You might be surprised to learn that while Smash MAGA does run better on it, it doesn't run much better on it. It no longer crashes (I strongly suspect this is due to how the game collates objects; I'll need to test further later with one of my spares), and it can actually run at a decent clip now, but it actually has other issues that I never would have noticed were it not for the bigger hardware. The framerate is still wildly unstable and the game still has the camera issues I mentioned, but it's the new shit that's so surreal to see in action.
One thing I called out earlier in the review was the game's graphics, and how about half of it was literally shit ripped from Google image search, with windows laid over them that were colored rectangles and paralellograms. What I didn't notice before - mostly because I was trying to control the game while the engine made my old rig chug like I fed it a bucket of lard, was that almost everything in the game that is not a sprite is, in fact, something ripped from google images and photoshopped, and even the ones that are designed to move, like the buses from the first level, police SUVs in the 3rd level, and the boats in the fourth, have no actual animation to them and just wiggle around like an Animutation flash from the early 2000s, something I wouldn't have noticed were it not for this test.
The bike you can ride is a fucking JPG and it skews as you ride it. It looks like absolute shit and it's honestly kind of hilarious. Sadly, without the bulk of the technical problems, the game goes from unplayable garbage to simply regular garbage, and on balance, that's a lot less interesting.
Purely out of morbid curiousity, however, I fired up this fucking shit-show, to see how it ran, compared to my old rig.
You might be surprised to learn that while Smash MAGA does run better on it, it doesn't run much better on it. It no longer crashes (I strongly suspect this is due to how the game collates objects; I'll need to test further later with one of my spares), and it can actually run at a decent clip now, but it actually has other issues that I never would have noticed were it not for the bigger hardware. The framerate is still wildly unstable and the game still has the camera issues I mentioned, but it's the new shit that's so surreal to see in action.
One thing I called out earlier in the review was the game's graphics, and how about half of it was literally shit ripped from Google image search, with windows laid over them that were colored rectangles and paralellograms. What I didn't notice before - mostly because I was trying to control the game while the engine made my old rig chug like I fed it a bucket of lard, was that almost everything in the game that is not a sprite is, in fact, something ripped from google images and photoshopped, and even the ones that are designed to move, like the buses from the first level, police SUVs in the 3rd level, and the boats in the fourth, have no actual animation to them and just wiggle around like an Animutation flash from the early 2000s, something I wouldn't have noticed were it not for this test.
The bike you can ride is a fucking JPG and it skews as you ride it. It looks like absolute shit and it's honestly kind of hilarious. Sadly, without the bulk of the technical problems, the game goes from unplayable garbage to simply regular garbage, and on balance, that's a lot less interesting.
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