- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
So I was going to do a friend of mine a solid and tear Bibou to shreds in a video review, but that gets momentarily put on hold because holy shit, this game.
Kiwis, I speak no hyperbole when I say that this is a strong contender for the worst game I've played on this site that had actual interactivity. It's an ugly thing when a game makes That Really Hot Chick look fucking fantastic, especially given that particular masterwork featured incomplete levels and could not be completed. But somehow, remarkably, Ashley Butts' magnum opus and "first real produced game" manages. We'll get to how that happens in a moment.
T-Runner is an Endless Runner style game created by From Fire Games. It is programmed in Unity, and... Well, you're going to see how well that goes. But for now let's stop belaboring the point and dive right into this madness by checking the credits section...
Well, we have a who's-who of people who've accomplished exactly fuck all. My favorite being Nora Reed, which means that one of the sponsors in that little $30 shred of cash Asley Boyd gets comes from none other than one of our favorite Rat King components. Gallant is also a donor because of fucking course he is.
What's this down here?
Congrats, Kiwis, you got yourselves referenced in another game made by a Rat King member. And by getting them to use derogatory slang against homosexuals no less. Well-done.
This is starting to become a habit. At the current rate of expansion I fully expect the Kiwi Farms emblem to appear in a mainstream game by 2019.
Goddamnit, @KidKitty, I mean one NOT put there by me.
Anyway, I start out by creating a profile with the good taste and maturity you've come to expect from me by this point.
It is at this point that you realize that half the fucking buttons on the title screen don't do anything whatsoever and cannot be clicked on - including the obvious PLAY GAME button. Don't expect a fix on this one, either - clicking changelog brings up this gem:
So yeah, we have a game with a botched title screen that doesn't work, the programmer knows didn't work, and elected to ship that way, hoping they could put it up in post. Even the worst, most broken asset flips currently on Steam Greenlight, even Digital Homicide at its worst, could manage a fucking title screen that at least functions to some degree. And this was a game created in Unity, so it's not like we're looking at something that would have been fucking hard to accomplish.
Thus far, the only way I've gotten the game to run is by clicking any of the boxes that DO work (changelog, profile, leaderboards, or credits), and then hitting enter to forcibly activate the play game button.
....And what a game it is.
You start off in an endless cityscape, as your terribly-dressed, terribly drawn, animated like an early Newgrounds project protagonist inexplicably hatches from an egg, and then must run. She must run far, fast, and forever.
From what or to where is never fully made clear, but obstacles abound - you must avoid hateful words, eggplant emoji, neckties, beer bottles, and more on your journey. You can basically play the game one-handed, since only the up and down arrows are used to jump or slide under obstacles.
You also have to inexplicably avoid footballs, the male symbol, the "men's room" insignia, and penises. Lots and lots of penises. With massive balls. I'm pretty sure that I can make several colorful assumptions about the mindset of the maker of this game from this shit alone.
Woe betide you if you make contact with any of these threats, for your transwoman protagonist will be TRIGGERED, and subsequently DIE. Below, we can see that I have clumsily wandered into a roving "Dude" word, and I have essentially been
. The life of a strong independent transwoman is fleeting, like a leaf balanced upon a ninja's sword.
Words kill, Kiwis. So, apparently, do men's neckties and emoji. Before I get into the gist of why this game is bad (aside from the nonfunctional title screen, obviously), let me first provide some levity with my top scores leaderboard:
Now then.
The problem with this game is very, very simple: There's nothing to it. Literally. It's a straightforward path with no variance, nothing of interest going on in the foreground or background, nothing visually stimulating, and repetitive music. The game is extremely boring as a result, and not terribly playable or fun. The fact that the message it has is so up-front and obvious doesn't help either, and the obvious penises laying around immediately disqualifies it for any younger audience.
For a moment, let's look at an actually successful Endless Runner, in this case Canabalt.
Canabalt is one of the best endless runners out there, and despite using pixel art, looks fucking fantastic. The music is great, and the visual style and general setup for the game allows the game to be exciting despite being, essentially, a one-button game. You're running along rooftops as a literal war is going on, trying to escape the city before you're caught in the crossfire. If you look in the background, you can see things like the war machines tromping around, and periodically low-flying strike aircraft zoom overhead. Shit is constantly happening. Buildings collapse and fall, missiles strike down on buildings forcing you to evade, boxes exist to slow you down - potentially either saving your life or taking it, depending on whether you're moving too fast or slow for what lies ahead. Birds take off when you land. You have to be moving fast enough to smash windows. The game is also designed for fucking mobile, which is why it's designed with a one-button control scheme, so it takes proper advantage of its hardware. Also, Canabalt is fucking free on PC.
T-Runner is the exact opposite. It's terribly optimized, slow-moving, and clunky. The music is repetitive and annoying. The environments are boring, with no details to speak of. Absolutely nothing happens in the game. The game bludgeons you over the head with the phallic end of its own premise as well, and comes across as extremely preachy, as well as incompetent.
I generally try hard not to savage games that are passion projects or labors of love, but this game really pushes it. Between the nonfunctional title screen, the one-dimensional gameplay and the fact that it is exceptionally boring, this one goes out as being one of the worst games I've reviewed for this site. That Really Hot Chick was terrible and broken but one could at least beat the first level if you took the 5 or 6 minutes needed and practiced enough. Revolution 60 was terribly optimized, but it has nothing on this thing, with well over 284MB unpacked for a game whose premise was done more competently on Kongregate at under four megs.
While the concept of being triggered TO DEATH is sort of funny, it ultimately isn't worth two dollars and I'd recommend you to look literally anywhere else for your Endless Runner fix.
Kiwis, I speak no hyperbole when I say that this is a strong contender for the worst game I've played on this site that had actual interactivity. It's an ugly thing when a game makes That Really Hot Chick look fucking fantastic, especially given that particular masterwork featured incomplete levels and could not be completed. But somehow, remarkably, Ashley Butts' magnum opus and "first real produced game" manages. We'll get to how that happens in a moment.
T-Runner is an Endless Runner style game created by From Fire Games. It is programmed in Unity, and... Well, you're going to see how well that goes. But for now let's stop belaboring the point and dive right into this madness by checking the credits section...
Well, we have a who's-who of people who've accomplished exactly fuck all. My favorite being Nora Reed, which means that one of the sponsors in that little $30 shred of cash Asley Boyd gets comes from none other than one of our favorite Rat King components. Gallant is also a donor because of fucking course he is.
What's this down here?
Congrats, Kiwis, you got yourselves referenced in another game made by a Rat King member. And by getting them to use derogatory slang against homosexuals no less. Well-done.
This is starting to become a habit. At the current rate of expansion I fully expect the Kiwi Farms emblem to appear in a mainstream game by 2019.
Goddamnit, @KidKitty, I mean one NOT put there by me.
Anyway, I start out by creating a profile with the good taste and maturity you've come to expect from me by this point.
It is at this point that you realize that half the fucking buttons on the title screen don't do anything whatsoever and cannot be clicked on - including the obvious PLAY GAME button. Don't expect a fix on this one, either - clicking changelog brings up this gem:
So yeah, we have a game with a botched title screen that doesn't work, the programmer knows didn't work, and elected to ship that way, hoping they could put it up in post. Even the worst, most broken asset flips currently on Steam Greenlight, even Digital Homicide at its worst, could manage a fucking title screen that at least functions to some degree. And this was a game created in Unity, so it's not like we're looking at something that would have been fucking hard to accomplish.
Thus far, the only way I've gotten the game to run is by clicking any of the boxes that DO work (changelog, profile, leaderboards, or credits), and then hitting enter to forcibly activate the play game button.
....And what a game it is.
You start off in an endless cityscape, as your terribly-dressed, terribly drawn, animated like an early Newgrounds project protagonist inexplicably hatches from an egg, and then must run. She must run far, fast, and forever.
From what or to where is never fully made clear, but obstacles abound - you must avoid hateful words, eggplant emoji, neckties, beer bottles, and more on your journey. You can basically play the game one-handed, since only the up and down arrows are used to jump or slide under obstacles.
You also have to inexplicably avoid footballs, the male symbol, the "men's room" insignia, and penises. Lots and lots of penises. With massive balls. I'm pretty sure that I can make several colorful assumptions about the mindset of the maker of this game from this shit alone.
Woe betide you if you make contact with any of these threats, for your transwoman protagonist will be TRIGGERED, and subsequently DIE. Below, we can see that I have clumsily wandered into a roving "Dude" word, and I have essentially been
. The life of a strong independent transwoman is fleeting, like a leaf balanced upon a ninja's sword.
Words kill, Kiwis. So, apparently, do men's neckties and emoji. Before I get into the gist of why this game is bad (aside from the nonfunctional title screen, obviously), let me first provide some levity with my top scores leaderboard:
Now then.
The problem with this game is very, very simple: There's nothing to it. Literally. It's a straightforward path with no variance, nothing of interest going on in the foreground or background, nothing visually stimulating, and repetitive music. The game is extremely boring as a result, and not terribly playable or fun. The fact that the message it has is so up-front and obvious doesn't help either, and the obvious penises laying around immediately disqualifies it for any younger audience.
For a moment, let's look at an actually successful Endless Runner, in this case Canabalt.
Canabalt is one of the best endless runners out there, and despite using pixel art, looks fucking fantastic. The music is great, and the visual style and general setup for the game allows the game to be exciting despite being, essentially, a one-button game. You're running along rooftops as a literal war is going on, trying to escape the city before you're caught in the crossfire. If you look in the background, you can see things like the war machines tromping around, and periodically low-flying strike aircraft zoom overhead. Shit is constantly happening. Buildings collapse and fall, missiles strike down on buildings forcing you to evade, boxes exist to slow you down - potentially either saving your life or taking it, depending on whether you're moving too fast or slow for what lies ahead. Birds take off when you land. You have to be moving fast enough to smash windows. The game is also designed for fucking mobile, which is why it's designed with a one-button control scheme, so it takes proper advantage of its hardware. Also, Canabalt is fucking free on PC.
T-Runner is the exact opposite. It's terribly optimized, slow-moving, and clunky. The music is repetitive and annoying. The environments are boring, with no details to speak of. Absolutely nothing happens in the game. The game bludgeons you over the head with the phallic end of its own premise as well, and comes across as extremely preachy, as well as incompetent.
I generally try hard not to savage games that are passion projects or labors of love, but this game really pushes it. Between the nonfunctional title screen, the one-dimensional gameplay and the fact that it is exceptionally boring, this one goes out as being one of the worst games I've reviewed for this site. That Really Hot Chick was terrible and broken but one could at least beat the first level if you took the 5 or 6 minutes needed and practiced enough. Revolution 60 was terribly optimized, but it has nothing on this thing, with well over 284MB unpacked for a game whose premise was done more competently on Kongregate at under four megs.
While the concept of being triggered TO DEATH is sort of funny, it ultimately isn't worth two dollars and I'd recommend you to look literally anywhere else for your Endless Runner fix.
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![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
