James Rolfe / James D. Rolfe / Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) / Rex Viper and Cinemassacre / Screenwave - Now with not much grieving about a 41-year old man still making videos on YouTube. We're the balls on the dick.

[BentDuck]

The song proves rap could be a fun genre of music if it weren't monopolized by illiterate negroes.

Retard rap, that should be a thing.

 

[Niggs Monaghan]

James and Mike Mondays kinda back? But not Mike, not Monday

John is one of the only good side characters left in the Cinemassacreverse. He's actually pretty funny and seems like a genuine, regular dude. The best part of him in the podcast was when he steered the conversation direction to fitness and exercise while Justin had to sit there and seethe. It's cool to see him again, I hope he's on more often.

The song proves rap could be a fun genre of music if it weren't monopolized by illiterate negroes.

Retard rap, that should be a thing.

I like how sinister the beginning builds it up.
Something about the combo of the music and "they'd said something cruel to me" and then going into talking about special ed school gives it a really dark weird feeling.
Very good remix 10/10.

 

[demicolon]

So if I understand the latest drama correctly, for the past 5 years Kieran was the guy responsible for 95% of AVGN episodes?

 

[GilaCutter]

Maybe I just haven't been paying enough attention, but I guess the caveman ragequit Screenwave?

It's so weird I get my AVGN news from Red Cow Arcade now.

Oh is that what people call him, "caveman"?

I guess that does roll off the tongue a lot better than "dollar store dimmu borgir".

 

[skykiii]

Hey guys! Big news!

I... managed to find the script for an UNPRODUCED AVGN episode!

I'm posting it right here, behind the spoiler.

Note about the writing style--it looks like normal text means game footage onscreen, bold means Rolfe is onscreen talking, and [brackets] indicates a visual or audio effect or a scene to be acted out.

Spoiler: Leaked Script

I love Urban Legends. Now I don't mean the movie, I mean the general concept. They're sort of like a folk tale. Nobody owns these things, but everybody knows what they are.

But on the internet, there's a different kind of Urban Legend. Now, Urban Legends can already sometimes be spooky, but there's a specific kind that are known as "Creepypasta."

[record scratch noise]

Wait, "Creepy pasta?" What kind of name is that? From what I've researched, the name comes from "Copy Pasta..." but that still doesn't explain... WHY PASTA?

This just makes me think all these stories are about haunted macaroni or something! Is Slender Man actually the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Well, as it happens, I actually found a creepy game that involves pasta. A literal "creepy pasta" game.

It's called Spaghet. And right away, I have to bitch about something. Why "Spaghet?" Why not "Spaghetti?" Is "spaghet" the hip new way to spell it? Reminds me of Alfred and the Fettuc.

[play clip from Action 52 episode where Nerd says "yeah, Fettuc! You never heard of Fettuc?"]

So you start the game, and you're at the counter staring at a bowl of spaghetti. My first instinct is to move around, but you can't--you're glued to this one spot! Oh, you can jump over the counter or duck down, you can check out any time you like but you can never leave!

The reason you hide or jump the counter, by the way, is to avoid the three bears. Yeah, the game is loosely based on the story of Goldilocks, in the same way Little Red Hood is based on Little Red Riding Hood. For some reason, each of the bears can be avoided in one specific way, like Mama Bear only ever checks the back of the counter, so even if she sees you jump to the other side, her tiny bear brain never thinks to check the other side. One of the bears you just have to stare down and assert your dominance. Who are you playing as, Crocodile Dundee?

Actually, you would think you play as Goldilocks, but no, she's one of the things that can kill you! So in this version, she's friends with the bears. That just begs the question though: who the hell am I?

I....

[Nerd holds his head like he has a headache, weird lights and sounds happen, and the following flashes on the screen briefly: "jung vf gbqnl?" Nerd reacts a bit more while "jung vf gbqnl?" flashes two more times, then finally dies down. Nerd sips some beer, shakes his head, and continues the game]

.... I haven't even explained how to play this game. Like I said, you dodge the bears, but your main objective is to keep the spaghet warm. It's an endurance game. The longer you play, the harder it gets.

So how do you keep the spaghet warm? You're not gonna believe this.... you slap the spaghet.

Somehow, hitting the spaghet with your bare hands keeps it warm. But not just any slaps, the game gives you a pattern that you have to follow. It's sort of like that one level of Power Rangers for Gameboy. Up Up Down, Up Down Down. Fuck Shit Shit, Fuck Fuck Shit. Except here, its randomized.

So... you keep spaghetti warm by slapping it, but you have to do it the right way or it doesn't work.

Is this some art to spaghetti-making that was passed down by secret italian chef families? When Mario wants to make spaghetti, does he just slap it until its warm enough? Or does it have to be pre-heated? And that begs the question: why not just use a stove or a fireplace or anything other than your bare hands? Heh... bear hands.

But in all honesty, I can't be too mad. This game was likely made by someone who was having a laugh, making a joke, and isn't a numbnut. It's only two bucks, just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and its a way better use of your two bucks. The worst I can say about Spaghet is, it's kinda fnaf.

Now, I'd like to explore other creepypasta games, but first, this game has put me in the mood for some spaghetti.

[video ends on a skit of the Nerd pulling leftover spaghetti out of his fridge and trying to warm it up by slapping it. The code-phrase "jung vf gbqnl?" pops up one last time and stays on screen until the video ends]

 

[Duveeelll]

So if I understand the latest drama correctly, for the past 5 years Kieran was the guy responsible for 95% of AVGN episodes?

It was Kieran, Justin and Tony from 2017-2021. Tony left early that year to focus on his own show. Justin quit working on AVGN at the end of that year, as Screenwave expected Cinemassacre to tank after the plagiarism snafu, and left Kieran to handle it alone. Though Mike returned to help too

 

[Juhlonduss]

Nothing but good memories.
Here's a dope remix for fans of Retard Rap

 

[skykiii]

Why does the option to edit posts disappear after so little time? I was gonna go edit my post above about the "leak" (especially since Kiwis clearly neither fell for it nor played along with the joke) but now I can't.

 

[TVB]

Why does the option to edit posts disappear after so little time? I was gonna go edit my post above about the "leak" (especially since Kiwis clearly neither fell for it nor played along with the joke) but now I can't.

Jannies are making things impossible to edit old posts these days. Especially most of them I made have spelling and grammatical errors.

EDIT: see what I mean?

Getting back on topic here

It was Kieran, Justin and Tony from 2017-2021. Tony left early that year to focus on his own show. Justin quit working on AVGN at the end of that year, as Screenwave expected Cinemassacre to tank after the plagiarism snafu, and left Kieran to handle it alone. Though Mike returned to help too

If this is the indication, AVGN and the rest of Cinemassacre would've returned to quality, but sadly that's too little too late, especially in my humble opinion.

 

[skykiii]

If this is the indication, AVGN and the rest of Cinemassacre would've returned to quality, but sadly that's too little too late, especially in my humble opinion.

Honestly, and I feel like I've said this before, but AVGN is sort of like the Simpsons to me in that there seems to be a class of people who have built a mythology around the early episodes, but I tend to find people who aren't as invested tend to think that AVGN has just always had a series of ups and downs. Heck, I've been around long enough to remember the first rough period--the point where he was filming the movie.

He's reached a point where for me he's nostalgic, but I'm well aware that its not 2010 anymore and he's never again gonna be the brilliant thing he was back then--in part because Youtube has changed so much and, in fact, one of AVGN's appeals is being a relic of an older era... but also because any long-running thing becomes a victim of unreasonably high standards.

Personally I'll be happy if AVGN just keeps trucking.... in a Big Motherfuckin' Rig.

 

[Carlos Thin]

Honestly, and I feel like I've said this before, but AVGN is sort of like the Simpsons to me in that there seems to be a class of people who have built a mythology around the early episodes, but I tend to find people who aren't as invested tend to think that AVGN has just always had a series of ups and downs. Heck, I've been around long enough to remember the first rough period--the point where he was filming the movie.

He's reached a point where for me he's nostalgic, but I'm well aware that its not 2010 anymore and he's never again gonna be the brilliant thing he was back then--in part because Youtube has changed so much and, in fact, one of AVGN's appeals is being a relic of an older era... but also because any long-running thing becomes a victim of unreasonably high standards.

Personally I'll be happy if AVGN just keeps trucking.... in a Big Motherfuckin' Rig.

I’m old enough to remember that “this game sucks diarrhea dog shit, I’d rather fuck a shit coming straight from an ass than play this game…” getting old pretty quickly, and switching to the more palatable Spoony/Nostalgia Critic

 

[seri0us]

let's just be honest, avgn's humor was never funny

 

[skykiii]

I’m old enough to remember that “this game sucks diarrhea dog shit, I’d rather fuck a shit coming straight from an ass than play this game…” getting old pretty quickly, and switching to the more palatable Spoony/Nostalgia Critic

I definitely feel you there.

I've said this at some point, but I recall actually not even liking the AVGN during his heyday. I actually like him more now just because he's old enough to have become kind of nostalgic.

I was never a huge fan of the Nostalgia Critic personally... I mainly would watch him when he was covering a topic I actually considered nostalgic, like Ferngully the Last Rainforest....And even then, I always felt Doug made ten bad videos for every one good video. He's someone I have to be in a specific mood to watch.

Spoony on the other hand I legitimately like. For a long time for me, the three pillars of internet content were Spoony, Retsupurae, and Markiplier, and it sucks to me that two of those stopped being a thing. Mark is still around but I'm not as big a fan as I used to be.

Not only was Spoony funnier a lot of the time, but there was an inherent level of.... I'm not sure "honesty" is the right word, but he was good at convincing you that things were personal in a way. This is why I love his Ultima IX review.... that bit near the end where he gets serious and starts talking about how he and his brother would play the games together.... that gets to me. That shit is way more meaningful than all the diarrhea analogies in the world, and elevates a mere game review into a legitimate experience.

And Spoony was good about this stuff. I normally can't stand vloggers, but Spoony I can put on and draw or write and sometimes I'll find myself even getting caught up in what he's saying.

And while I'm giving him a tongue-slathering, I also always appreciated that Spoony seemed immune to the "new toy syndrome." That's the phenomenon where a new hyped thing will--unless its a total trainwreck--always be treated like a fucking masterpiece, especially if it follows on from a controversial installment. Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition is a great example--when that first dropped, I saw everyone praising it and (since I knew 4e was controversial) knew that's what was happening, and so didn't care about anyone's views but Spoony's because I knew he would see past the bullshit. Which he did, to the point where everyone who "debunks" him has to put words in his mouth or bring up some non-point in order to "prove him wrong."

The funny thing though... a lot of Spoony fans want him to make a comeback. I'm not sure I do though.... I think if he did, he would be in a Duke Nukem Forever situation where he'd have to overcome impossible unrealistically high standards. Besides, look at AVGN and how people keep complaining he's not as good as he used to be. Really, I think we need a Spoony Successor more than we need the man himself to return.

I'd volunteer for the role but I have absolutely no fucking clue how to do video editing and I can't think of anything I could do that would top his review of Ultima IX. For me the closest game to that is Metroid Dread, but I'm too chill to act like it ruined my life or anything like that.

 

[johnny dollars]

If this is the indication, AVGN and the rest of Cinemassacre would've returned to quality, but sadly that's too little too late, especially in my humble opinion.

Around 2017, James's second daughter was born. That was when Screenwave (which had done a lot of background/technical work) suddenly started appearing in his content, and there was a noticeable drop in quality. In the biography, he talks about how he resents having to miss time with his first daughter to work on AVGN (specifically the movie). Eventually, people noticed how bad things became with Screenwave, and eventually they fucked off. I think the overwhelmingly negative reception to the AVGN 200 episode spectacular did it in (even typical fans didn't really like that episode). Screenwave has largely left the creative side of Cinemassacre, and James just doesn't give a shit anymore and does the bare minimum.

Tldr; James doesn't care anymore.

 

[skykiii]

I think the overwhelmingly negative reception to the AVGN 200 episode spectacular did it in (even typical fans didn't really like that episode).

Unpopular opinion but... I kinda did like it.

I understand the complaints (especially the part about one third of it being a clip show) but it was one of the few times AVGN approached the emotionality of Spoony's better work. Like... it really feels like an epic finale to a long-running series, and in a great direction where AVGN comes around to understanding and even kinda respecting one of his longest-running enemies-of-a-sort. If AVGN had ended there, it would've ended on a high note.

(Not that I ever expected AVGN to end, mind... just trying to describe how watching that video feels.)

Granted, a part of the reason its powerful at all is because AVGN is so long-running. I imagine a lot of the impact would've been lost had it been, say, the first season finale.

 

[BlueKirbo]

made this

 

[Shirō Ishii]

Why does the option to edit posts disappear after so little time? I was gonna go edit my post above about the "leak" (especially since Kiwis clearly neither fell for it nor played along with the joke) but now I can't.

You get 24 hours to edit a post. The reason being is that Null doesn't like that people keep going back to their older posts and blanking it out. Thread asking about it can be found here: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/for-how-long-can-you-edit-your-own-posts-in-the-forum.126286/

 

[Smar Mijou]

James and Mike Mondays kinda back? But not Mike, not Monday

Watching this, I almost forgot about the Waldo games growing up. The first one was OK to play as a little kid, if really short, even on the difficult setting. The second game was mind numbingly dull and one of the most boring NES games that I ever played.

 

[skykiii]

Watching this, I almost forgot about the Waldo games growing up. The first one was OK to play as a little kid, if really short, even on the difficult setting. The second game was mind numbingly dull and one of the most boring NES games that I ever played.

The actual books don't hold up either. It's amazing seeing them again and I almost always spot Waldo damn near immediately. In the first book he's almost always right next to that postcard on every page.

Not sure if that was always the case, as apparently the books were slightly different in their original printings. One big example is "The Great Waldo Search" (the book) is now called "Where's Waldo: the Fantastic Journey" and now incorporates characters from the cartoon (yes, there was one).

These games honestly look like they'd play better on PC with a mouse or something rather than with a controller.

 

[waffle]

The stooges are a weird case because they had a pretty significant spike in popularity during the 80's

Yet the Stooges haven't really been popular afterwards. By the turn of the 21st century, there was Mel Gibson's own biopic TV movie in the year 2000, and the Farrelly brothers made their own 12 years later in 2012, yet none of them are really as successful nor failures, but were just forgettable, especially compared to the early-to-mid 20th century when they were popular. The Three Stooges was sadly a product of its time.

I always kind of thought the late 80s/early 90s three stooges boom was just a figment of my imagination or a product of being soroundrd by old people at the time. Im kinda glad it didn't just happen in my mind.