PicklePete
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2014
Thanks to @Clint's Burden for the Write up.
James Paul Von Helton's OP needs some serious work:
https://kiwifarms.hk/threads/james-vonhelton.4081/#post-10738656
He's an old cow. He doesn't get much love here, hoping to update OP and change that because he is a spectacular specimen.
"James Paul Von Helton."
Introduction
James Paul Von Helton, born Irvin Eugene Helton Jr., or more commonly known by his moniker Von Helton, is one of the internet's oldest and most distinguished lunatics.
A self proclaimed pagan warlock, vampire, Cherokee Indian, ninja, secret government operative, UFO/flat earth conspiracy theorist and original inspiration for Marvel's "The Punisher," James hosts such a list of delusions that if he wasn't a real person, you'd think he was a fucking thespian playing a part. He is that ridiculous of a human being and his antics have been the subject of almost two decades of solid, consistent lulz.
In reality, James is a twice divorced, community college/military drop out who has lived in his mother's trailer for the majority of his adult life. His only real employment was courtesy of his mother, where he literally cleaned shit out of bedpans in a care facility for a number of months. When he's not suckling from the teat of the American taxpayer, he's taken to committing welfare fraud and stealing tens of thousands of dollars from his dementia ridden mother. He has nothing to show for this money either, as he's uselessly invested it into Hot Wheels merchandise and racing paraphernalia with the justification that he's "Leaving a legacy to his children."
When he's not committing literal crimes, James spends his time on the internet ranting about batshit insane conspiracy theories, screaming about his trolls and how he's going to sue every single one of them for being "internet terrorists" and complaining about how communism is destroying America.
As of 2022, James' mother Alice has unfortunately passed away. James, mistakenly under the impression that as the "blood heir" he would inherit the entirety of the estate, is now in deep, deep shit as the Frosts, Alice's extended family, are working in tandem with lawyers in accordance to Alice's will, which deliberately left James out due to him being a literal piece of human shit who has squandered every single thing he has been given.
James is very, very mad about this, claiming a multitude of reasons why this is fraudulent.
This likely soon leave James to be homeless and destitute without any sort of backup plan.
Early History
Emblematic of any old cow, James' beginnings are a scattershot history on early message boards and forums. A devout catholic at the time, James would make his start frequenting the About.com forums where he would incessantly argue with atheists, making insane proclamations that Christianity is true because he could raise the dead. When it's denizens would chastise him for being an obvious retard, he'd double down and suggest that "when the coming apocalypse is here, all my internet enemies will become demonized zombies which I will slay." Tired of not being taken seriously as a messianic figure and being called a literal retard all day, James renounced Christianity and left with his head laid low to brighter and greener pastures; The Delphi Forums.
James, a now devout eclectic pagan worshipper, would go on infect the Delphi forums with a renewed and intensified series of retarded claims not previously seen before. Some of these claims would include, but are not limited to;
This would not be the last interaction James would have with impressionable and young women.
History would repeat itself it seems, as once again he would be roundly regarded as a fringe lunatic and ignorant asshole by the denizens of the internet. Many a Lolsuit would be threatened, a common and still present threat that James likes to make. He would soon leave the Delphi Forums under the impression that he was being discriminated against for being a true believer and a messianic figure, finding himself on the platform that all lunatics eventually find themselves on; YouTube.
YouTube History
James' YouTube history can only really be summarized by his frequent rage induced tantrums and assorted lulzy incidents he would find himself in. Such events would include:
Lulzy Incidents:
Spoiler: Videos
Family
Mouse:
Andrea, aka Mouse, was one of the few women James managed to wrangle into his life and bear him children. Unsurprisingly, Andrea has a series of mental disabilities/disorders that predisposed her to being James' favorite kind of woman; One easily taken advantage of.
The pair first met on a singles forum, where James would spin her a yarn about being soul mates and that "The apocalypse is coming, a global firestorm is going to destroy everything you love, I live on a horse ranch, and as long as you come here you will be safe on my horse ranch." Little did James know, he was speaking to someone who was a mentally retarded minor, so this proved to be an effective tactic in coercing her into fleeing her current living situation and shacking up in the double wide with James.
Andrea would eventually decide to leave and later divorce James following an incident wherein Andrea, having enough of James' fucking lunacy for years and years on end, decided to throw a plastic plate at his head. A fairly reasonable response to being what is essentially an underappreciated breeding horse for a toothless man in a trailer, most would agree.
James decided the most rational response to a small altercation with his wife would be to pull a gun on her and say "Do you know I could kill you with this thing?"
The Children:
As you could probably guess, Andrea lacked the cognitive ability to be anyone's partner, let alone a functional parent. The same could be said for James, with the addition that he lacked the motivation to care about his children more than he did spreading retarded conspiracy theories online. This lack of parental aptitude, and the multiple calls about his online pedophile shit, has lead to Child Protective Services to constantly be called out to his house for neglect and abuse, ultimately leading to the removal of his children by the state. James would like you to believe this is due to "stupid shit" and not actual neglect, but thanks to the efforts of his dedicated trolls, haters and naysayers, there is significant evidence to suggest otherwise:
Spoiler: Proof of neglect
The truth is that he would lock them in their rooms for hours at a time, often without anything to eat or drink, in order to do livestreams about his ridiculous conspiracy theories. It became so bad that they would start shitting in the air vents in the floor having nowhere else to defecate and writing "I want food" on the wall in desperation. The conditions they lived in were so deplorable that heaps of garbage littered the floor at all times and bugs infested the trailer with regularity. CPS deemed these conditions unlivable. Thankfully, the children are much older now and capable of understanding how unfit and absolutely insane their father is, having refused to live with him or even see him again.
Links:
Bitchute: (Primary) https://www.bitchute.com/channel/realvonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/KALPr)
Bitchute: (Alternate/Possible Fake) https://www.bitchute.com/channel/vonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/69D8U)
Bittube: (Bitchute Archive) https://bittube.tv/profile/VonHelton | (https://archive.vn/eh1W2)
D.tube: (Archive) https://d.tube/#!/c/vonhelton | (https://archive.vn/QSvmH)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamespaul.vonhelton.5 | (https://archive.vn/Zrd7j)
Gab: https://www.gab.com/realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/zDEre)
kys.moe: (Gab Aggregator) https://kys.moe/users/9mimHv2b35IlArfgWG | (https://archive.vn/wtcQl)
Lovers Lab: https://www.loverslab.com/profile/566118-krazyone/ | (https://archive.vn/EQgoZ)
Nexus Mods: https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/31304?tab=files | (https://archive.vn/3Qncx)
Patreon: (Zero Patrons LOL) https://www.patreon.com/realvonhelton (https://archive.md/qZYPb)
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/jamesvonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/q7pZf)
Pornhub: https://www.pornhub.com/users/realvonhelton | (https://archive.vn/Z6V1K)
Shitposter.club: (Gab Aggregator) https://shitposter.club/users/9kzGcgIw6x4qp4e4Lw | (https://archive.vn/gNwcQ)
Steemit: (D.tube Archive) https://steemit.com/@vonhelton | (https://archive.vn/eshdL)
Twitter: https://twitter.com/realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/ayfeo)
UGE: (Bitchute Archive) https://videos.utahgunexchange.com/@realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/d3yEp)
YouTube: (Hot Wheels) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXNpQmIPgKmmsfJiXyKpg-w/ | (https://archive.vn/OqVkL)
Unicorn Riot/Discord Leaks
https://discordleaks.unicornriot.ninja/discord/user/18580 | (https://archive.vn/6VaQh)
Lovers Lab Sex Tutorials
https://www.loverslab.com/topic/110521-aaf-load-order-plugin-order-and-links/ | (https://archive.md/ncjCu)
Weens Trying To Swat VonHelton
http://www.city-data.com/forum/kentucky/1873337-child-predator-james-paul-vonhelton.html | (https://archive.md/sHEEB)[/spoiler]
James Paul Von Helton's OP needs some serious work:
https://kiwifarms.hk/threads/james-vonhelton.4081/#post-10738656
He's an old cow. He doesn't get much love here, hoping to update OP and change that because he is a spectacular specimen.
"James Paul Von Helton."
Introduction
James Paul Von Helton, born Irvin Eugene Helton Jr., or more commonly known by his moniker Von Helton, is one of the internet's oldest and most distinguished lunatics.
A self proclaimed pagan warlock, vampire, Cherokee Indian, ninja, secret government operative, UFO/flat earth conspiracy theorist and original inspiration for Marvel's "The Punisher," James hosts such a list of delusions that if he wasn't a real person, you'd think he was a fucking thespian playing a part. He is that ridiculous of a human being and his antics have been the subject of almost two decades of solid, consistent lulz.
In reality, James is a twice divorced, community college/military drop out who has lived in his mother's trailer for the majority of his adult life. His only real employment was courtesy of his mother, where he literally cleaned shit out of bedpans in a care facility for a number of months. When he's not suckling from the teat of the American taxpayer, he's taken to committing welfare fraud and stealing tens of thousands of dollars from his dementia ridden mother. He has nothing to show for this money either, as he's uselessly invested it into Hot Wheels merchandise and racing paraphernalia with the justification that he's "Leaving a legacy to his children."
When he's not committing literal crimes, James spends his time on the internet ranting about batshit insane conspiracy theories, screaming about his trolls and how he's going to sue every single one of them for being "internet terrorists" and complaining about how communism is destroying America.
As of 2022, James' mother Alice has unfortunately passed away. James, mistakenly under the impression that as the "blood heir" he would inherit the entirety of the estate, is now in deep, deep shit as the Frosts, Alice's extended family, are working in tandem with lawyers in accordance to Alice's will, which deliberately left James out due to him being a literal piece of human shit who has squandered every single thing he has been given.
James is very, very mad about this, claiming a multitude of reasons why this is fraudulent.
This likely soon leave James to be homeless and destitute without any sort of backup plan.
Early History
Emblematic of any old cow, James' beginnings are a scattershot history on early message boards and forums. A devout catholic at the time, James would make his start frequenting the About.com forums where he would incessantly argue with atheists, making insane proclamations that Christianity is true because he could raise the dead. When it's denizens would chastise him for being an obvious retard, he'd double down and suggest that "when the coming apocalypse is here, all my internet enemies will become demonized zombies which I will slay." Tired of not being taken seriously as a messianic figure and being called a literal retard all day, James renounced Christianity and left with his head laid low to brighter and greener pastures; The Delphi Forums.
James, a now devout eclectic pagan worshipper, would go on infect the Delphi forums with a renewed and intensified series of retarded claims not previously seen before. Some of these claims would include, but are not limited to;
- Healing his cat's intense bleeding by praying and laying hands on it.
- Turning away tornadoes with his thoughts.
- Conjuring rainstorms with his thoughts.
- His Gods commanding him to go to McDonalds to save a teenager from dying.
- Attempting to ambush some poor woman's funeral to resurrect her from the dead.
- Being an expert demon hunter who has exorcized many demons from people.
- Literally being a vampire.
- Being able to summon and cast "Majiks."
- Being an ex-special forces agent
- Being a real ninja.
This would not be the last interaction James would have with impressionable and young women.
History would repeat itself it seems, as once again he would be roundly regarded as a fringe lunatic and ignorant asshole by the denizens of the internet. Many a Lolsuit would be threatened, a common and still present threat that James likes to make. He would soon leave the Delphi Forums under the impression that he was being discriminated against for being a true believer and a messianic figure, finding himself on the platform that all lunatics eventually find themselves on; YouTube.
YouTube History
James' YouTube history can only really be summarized by his frequent rage induced tantrums and assorted lulzy incidents he would find himself in. Such events would include:
Lulzy Incidents:
Spoiler: Videos
Family
Mouse:
Andrea, aka Mouse, was one of the few women James managed to wrangle into his life and bear him children. Unsurprisingly, Andrea has a series of mental disabilities/disorders that predisposed her to being James' favorite kind of woman; One easily taken advantage of.
The pair first met on a singles forum, where James would spin her a yarn about being soul mates and that "The apocalypse is coming, a global firestorm is going to destroy everything you love, I live on a horse ranch, and as long as you come here you will be safe on my horse ranch." Little did James know, he was speaking to someone who was a mentally retarded minor, so this proved to be an effective tactic in coercing her into fleeing her current living situation and shacking up in the double wide with James.
Andrea would eventually decide to leave and later divorce James following an incident wherein Andrea, having enough of James' fucking lunacy for years and years on end, decided to throw a plastic plate at his head. A fairly reasonable response to being what is essentially an underappreciated breeding horse for a toothless man in a trailer, most would agree.
James decided the most rational response to a small altercation with his wife would be to pull a gun on her and say "Do you know I could kill you with this thing?"
The Children:
As you could probably guess, Andrea lacked the cognitive ability to be anyone's partner, let alone a functional parent. The same could be said for James, with the addition that he lacked the motivation to care about his children more than he did spreading retarded conspiracy theories online. This lack of parental aptitude, and the multiple calls about his online pedophile shit, has lead to Child Protective Services to constantly be called out to his house for neglect and abuse, ultimately leading to the removal of his children by the state. James would like you to believe this is due to "stupid shit" and not actual neglect, but thanks to the efforts of his dedicated trolls, haters and naysayers, there is significant evidence to suggest otherwise:
Spoiler: Proof of neglect
The truth is that he would lock them in their rooms for hours at a time, often without anything to eat or drink, in order to do livestreams about his ridiculous conspiracy theories. It became so bad that they would start shitting in the air vents in the floor having nowhere else to defecate and writing "I want food" on the wall in desperation. The conditions they lived in were so deplorable that heaps of garbage littered the floor at all times and bugs infested the trailer with regularity. CPS deemed these conditions unlivable. Thankfully, the children are much older now and capable of understanding how unfit and absolutely insane their father is, having refused to live with him or even see him again.
Links:
Bitchute: (Primary) https://www.bitchute.com/channel/realvonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/KALPr)
Bitchute: (Alternate/Possible Fake) https://www.bitchute.com/channel/vonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/69D8U)
Bittube: (Bitchute Archive) https://bittube.tv/profile/VonHelton | (https://archive.vn/eh1W2)
D.tube: (Archive) https://d.tube/#!/c/vonhelton | (https://archive.vn/QSvmH)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamespaul.vonhelton.5 | (https://archive.vn/Zrd7j)
Gab: https://www.gab.com/realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/zDEre)
kys.moe: (Gab Aggregator) https://kys.moe/users/9mimHv2b35IlArfgWG | (https://archive.vn/wtcQl)
Lovers Lab: https://www.loverslab.com/profile/566118-krazyone/ | (https://archive.vn/EQgoZ)
Nexus Mods: https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/31304?tab=files | (https://archive.vn/3Qncx)
Patreon: (Zero Patrons LOL) https://www.patreon.com/realvonhelton (https://archive.md/qZYPb)
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/jamesvonhelton/ | (https://archive.vn/q7pZf)
Pornhub: https://www.pornhub.com/users/realvonhelton | (https://archive.vn/Z6V1K)
Shitposter.club: (Gab Aggregator) https://shitposter.club/users/9kzGcgIw6x4qp4e4Lw | (https://archive.vn/gNwcQ)
Steemit: (D.tube Archive) https://steemit.com/@vonhelton | (https://archive.vn/eshdL)
Twitter: https://twitter.com/realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/ayfeo)
UGE: (Bitchute Archive) https://videos.utahgunexchange.com/@realVonHelton | (https://archive.vn/d3yEp)
YouTube: (Hot Wheels) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXNpQmIPgKmmsfJiXyKpg-w/ | (https://archive.vn/OqVkL)
Unicorn Riot/Discord Leaks
https://discordleaks.unicornriot.ninja/discord/user/18580 | (https://archive.vn/6VaQh)
Lovers Lab Sex Tutorials
https://www.loverslab.com/topic/110521-aaf-load-order-plugin-order-and-links/ | (https://archive.md/ncjCu)
Weens Trying To Swat VonHelton
http://www.city-data.com/forum/kentucky/1873337-child-predator-james-paul-vonhelton.html | (https://archive.md/sHEEB)[/spoiler]
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