#HippieHistorian #LivingTrans #BestPractices #Trans250
Schooling an ally in the finer points of communicating cordially and compassionately with gender non-conforming (GNC) people. I had tagged this person because somebody asked for a service they offered and we got to chatting on the side. The conversation turned to Elliot Page, who was apparently in the news this morning talking about his transition and it led into this.
I think it's real important for us to realize how awkward it is for sincere cishet people who want to be our friends, when they're always afraid of offending unintentionally by saying the wrong thing out of ignorance. Expect to be misgendered, be asked intrusive questions or have people make absurd statements of fact. As long as there's no obvious hostility, take it graciously, putting the other person at ease, calmly explaining what's problematic about what they said.
I don't know if you remember a guy named Cody who used to go to The Hut a lot back in the early 2010s. I believe he was known as Jen prior to his transition. His boyfriend posted something horrible about him on Facebook back around 2017 or so. Cody ended up committing suicide. Very tragic story.
i never met him, but have friends who were close to him.
I see. He was a nice person but probably could have used someone like you as a counselor.
i didn't even come out until 2014 and frankly, i'm just a baby compared to people who have been helping the community since the 90's.
I didn't know that (about you coming out in 2014). I believe the first transgendered person I personally knew was a lady named Jade. She was a massage therapist I met back around 2002 or so. Very nice person. Lost touch with her shortly afterward.
i hid behind a beard until 2014 and didn't get here until 2013. transgender is an adjective, so "transgendered" is improper usage.
I'm still not used to the proper usage of terms so please forgive me. What's the proper way for me to type that sentence?
without the "ed" it's correct.
www.glaad.org/reference will tell you all the ins and outs of the jargon.
Jade is the first transgender person I personally knew? Okay, that sounds right. Thanks for the link.
it's a rapidly changing minefield. many terms in common usage by one faction, like "tranny" , are extremely offensive to others. just in general, when talking about any kind of queer, it's some sort of queer person, not queers plural or queered. they're adjectives and need subjects.
The last thing I want to do is offend someone. I would never use the word "tranny," for example. Thanks for the information.
you have to be cautious using the term transsexual too. the non-operative transgender people get offended. it's good to get in the practice of using gender neutral language around people with an ambiguous gender expression. lots of really thin skinned "gender non-conforming (GNC)" folks out there who trigger easily.
don't be shy about asking people how they identify and want to be addressed. that's the one question trans people are pleased to answer. when they knew, birth names and genital status are totally taboo.
Yes, unfortunately I know I may have unknowingly insulted someone due to my ignorance of the correct terminology. It will take a bit of work on my part but I'll get it right eventually. One person I knew... Mitch... formerly Michelle... basically disowned his cousin (who had introduced us) because she didn't care to use the correct terminology.