5. Mourn The Mother You Wish You Had, Not Yours
Sometimes, when I’m especially upset about my mother, I will text a good friend. Every time, she reminds me that even if I reached out to my mother, she would not be able to be the mother I need. When I am racked with grief and loss, it is not my mother I am mourning, but the idea of the mother I wish I had.
When we forgot who our mothers are, and allow ourselves to hope that this time she will be different, we re-open old wounds and put ourselves right back inside the turmoil and chaos. It’s OK to grieve and mourn, to feel angry and desolate, and even to hate the woman who gave birth to you. But, before you pick up the phone to try just one last time, remember that the woman you’ve desperately wanted all your life simply doesn’t exist.